Parents of Addicts Community Group
A safe group for Mothers and Fathers of addicts, where we can share feelings, and ask for feedback.
I live in Ontario. My addict grandson came back after staying only 11 days in rehab. Said he wants to do it on his own. At first he was not allowed back into the home. After a week he came back crying that he was not going to stay clean where he was living. Unfortunately hubby allowed him back into the house with restrictions. To date all he has done has handed out resumes. I see the old patterns developing. Staying up and watching tv till 3 am. Hogging the computer (thinks it is his after I payed to take it out of the pawn shop), his spitting in the vents (WHAT A PIG), bumming money and cigerettes. He is also on a methadone program. However he needs to be woken up, so that he can be brought down for his daily does. He's to lazy to walk , and hubby brings him there. I need to find a program for hubby to attend, so he can learn that he is a major enabler. Has anyone else made your child sign a contract if they want to live in the home. What were the consequences if they did not abide by the rules. Our child is 21 years old, with the mind of an devious 17 year old.
My son is also 21 and on a methadone program since February. He moved back with us in May and has pretty much spent the last 4 months on the couch watching TV. He's a total pig and is always bumming money for cigarettes because he has no money of his own.
We have tried contracts, but they don't work with him. However, we have made progress. The first issue was that we insisted that he get screened for depression. Eventually he went to the doctor and was prescribed an anti-depressant. It takes about 30 days to kick in and we're beginning to see progress.
It does take some time for the brain to recover when a person gets off opiates and on to methadone. This is when the underlying issues, such as depression, also show up. This is something he can discuss with his doctor at the clinic.
You can give it a shot with the contract, but there would need to be consequences that you would be wiling to enforce if he violates it. That's the hard part. You could, for example, set it as a rule that he must set an alarm to get himself up for the clinic. If he doesn't wake up on his own, no one will do it for him. Then if he misses a dose one day, he'll suffer the consequences. Or, you could make the morning ride to the clinic a privilege that he loses any day that he spits in the vents. As much as i hate cigarettes, I tend to use that as my bribe--if you want money for cigarettes, you have to clean up your dishes.
Another rule that you could make is that he would need to go to an AA or NA meeting at least once a week if he wants rides to the clinic. There are often Al-Anon meetings in the same building at the same time as AA meetings, so you and your husband could go to Al-Anon while he goes to AA or NA.
We also have him on a waiting list for a transitional housing program where they have social workers help people like him find jobs or go to school and manage their money. I remind him every few weeks of where he is on the waiting list and let him know that if he hasn't found a job and is able to support himself by the time his name comes to the top, that's where he's going.
Also be aware of the rules about eviction, if it ever gets to that point. In our state, a person has a legal right to be in your home if you let them live there. To get them to leave, you have to give them written notice and, then, if they don't leave, you have to take them to court to get the police to remove them. Oh, and it costs about $2,000 for an attorney to help with this. I hope we never get to that point. If we do, then we've decided we'll pay for a short-term lease and move him into an apartment and let him know he's on his own when the lease expires. We've also removed the DirectTV access cards so he couldn't watch TV. You can also get software on the computer that puts time limits on use or you can simply add a password so he can only use it if he's met your requirements. Just make sure the requirements are basic to begin with and that they are something that he can actually do, or you'll end up in a major power struggle.
Gradually, our son is making progress as his brain heals and his depression meds kick in. He's showing interest in getting a job and had two interviews last week. The big key is that most of his friends disappeared when he went off the drugs.
Good luck!
You guessed it, 21 will be returning home like the prodigal son. My H is ready to kill the fatted calf and lay out the good china.
Me, not so much. I'm incredibly apprehensive. Not not is he coming home but he is bringing his gf with him. We sent him to fl a year ago where he went through 3 months of rehab and 3 months of halfway.
Then relapsed, met gf who was fresh put of same rehab and in halfway. She too relapsed. They both have same drug choices, pot, Molly's, aderal, Xanax.
They spent the last 5.5 months in relapse living on her paycheck. Both we, and her mom have helped them out here and there with stuff even though we live in different states from them.
Well after the 5.5 months they both decided they wanted it to be done. They want to get sober they want to get out of Florida and they don't want to do it with rehab. They beleive they can do it together here with a helping hand from us.
We agreed to give our son a last chance to get this right and agreed to let them stay for a few months or less .
We set up some guidelines but maybe a written contract would work better so that it is in writing. It will remind me and them of what we expect and won't tolerate.
The more I read people's stories the more I lose what tiny little hope I have that this will work out.
But I'm taking notes here and looking for working ideas and the contract sounds like a good one one.
Your kids will quit when they're ready.
Good luck
Joe