pat you can email me, separetly if you'd like to talk . This is not your fault. Like many, including myself, you need to let go and let your maker. Nothng changes if nothing changes.

I think that "tough love" is so hard to do, I think that kicking out someone who is basically "sick" is also hard to do. I know that the situation is driving you nuts and I don't know if kicking her out would help you or not. We had to deal with my son's opiate addiction for a few years. We did put him in rehab, he went to outpatient services for years, he was on suboxone for 2 years, we kicked him out a couple times. We picked up his meds and hid them for a long time, until he would find them take a handful (to trade to people for his drugs he really wanted), we followed him around, we took his phone, car, kept him with no money. But you know what if they want to use, they will just continue to use. He never needed money for his drugs, he sold them and in return got drugs for himself. He came out of rehab and got high the first day home. So for us, unfortunately but honestly nothing we did stopped him. ANd to be honest, I would of rather had him home driving us crazy then worry that he was out on the street, I don't think he could last out there. What did we do that was good/helpful?? Well we waited, we prayed for him nonstop, we seeked support(professional therapy, Alanon and this website), we tried to go on with our lives the best we could, we have 3 other children and we have jobs. I also read books on addiction and tried to get as much information as I could on what we were dealing with. And November 2011, he truly did give up the drugs. He had been involved in a bad drug deal(which ones are good?) and lost alot of money. I asked why did he stop and said to me "I just got tired of that life". I thank God for saving Cody. And even though we still have issues with him, he is drug free, he spents most of his time alone so that he isn't tempted to use drugs again. Sorry I don't have the right answers for you. But realize that you cannot control this addiction, so make choices that you feel are right for you, everyone handles this in different ways. But I know this for sure-1. You aren't alone. 2. As long as she is alive, there is that hope that she will overcome this addiction.

The main thing I would say is if she gets in trouble don't help her get out of it. Even if it means she will have to suffer consequences for a long, long time. After years of bailing my son out, I finally realized it was a mistake to do so, and I realized how serious addiction was. Unfortunately he ended up going to prison on 2 seperate occasions. However, now he lives in a sober environment and is working. He's been clean over a year, and we have a very good relationship. It is still sad, because he has so much to overcome, but he is steadily working at it. I'm no longer stressed out over his addiction. The key for me was allowing him to suffer, as hard as it was, it was the key. I have to admit something. I was not faced with kicking him out, thank goodness. I was able to say "you can't home, so make arrangements for yourself." That was easier, I think.

I wish I had the answer. I've been in your shoes a few times and all I can do is tell you what we tried.

When my son was 17 we told him that he had to go to rehab or leave. At first, he said he'd leave. He packed up his bags and went to move in with a friend and told me we'd never see him again. I just returned that night from the funeral of a friend's son and I knew what I had to do. I let him go. The next morning he was back home because his friend kicked him out. He agreed to go to in patient.

After rehab he came back home, but it wasn't long before he was back on the drugs and booze. After a physical struggle with me at the top of the stairs, I told him he had to move out. He didn't have a job and he had just turned 18. We agreed to co-sign on a 6 month lease if he went to intensive out patient and got a job. At the end of the six months he'd be responsible for supporting himself. The apartment was party city and we got stuck with the rent when his roommate took off. We also lost most of the security deposit. After the roommate left, he actually did get a job and was doing better, but did not make enough to support himself. We let him move back home at the end of the lease. He's been home now for two years, still using, with 7 months of IOP and a recent couple of weeks of in patient. He was about to move out on his own, but he got fired last week. Now we're discussing what to do next.

I have two friends who were faced with similar situations. Both are parents of heroin addicts. One parent has been very strong and kicked her daughter out to help her hit bottom. The daughter has been living a very rough life and continues to use heroin. She is showing signs of wanting to get clean and is trying to get into a methadone program.

The other friend was on the verge of kicking her son out when he was 18. She talked to her priest who advised letting him live at home and surrounding him with love and positive reinforcement. She talked to a friend who is an AODA specialist who said it's almost impossible to quit heroin without medication. She followed the advice of her friend and priest and got her son into a methadone program, driving him there herself every day for months. She and her husband worked with him to find hobbies and new friends and to get him involved in the church. Her whole family sent him cards showing their support. He is now 18 months sober, going to college and living in a sober house.

Just yesterday my son said that he wants to start going to the methadone clinic. I think we're going to try the methods my friend used with her son and he is very interested in trying it. The loss of his job really shook him up.

I guess that what I'm taking from this is that no answer is right or wrong. What my friend did with her son was exactly the opposite of what people say you should do. The friend who is struggling to let her daughter hit bottom is doing what everyone advises, yet her daughter is still using and the mother is still living her life crazy with worry. Kicking them out is what many recovering addicts say was the best thing that ever happened to them. There are no guarantees of recovery no matter what you do.

So, do what feels comfortable for you. Don't do something that you feel that you have to do and that includes having to let her live in your house in order to protect her. Work on solutions that move her in the direction of recovery and are not enabling. If you feel that you can't let her live with you, think about what you can live with. Help her look for rooms for rent or sober houses or other alternatives and set a date in the future. It may be easier on you if you work on a transition plan rather than simply saying she has to leave with nowhere else to go.

Thank you all for your advice, things have slowed down a bit and we have made some progress, We are planning on counceling together, I am just waiting for thw appointment. Once we start the counceling I will not be holding her med's anymore, they will be taking over which will be 1 burden lifted from my shoulders. I am trying to stay strong and set boundries and am making baby steps but at least I'm moving forward instead of backwards.

Since all addicts and situations are different, what Donna says is exactly right. Even experts can't agree on treatment. All the more reason this is such a horrible thing to have to deal with.

Hi patnard. I'm glad that you're making progress. I share what you're going through. When looking at dealing with the addicted kids there are so many ways all to go. As much as it hurts I kicked my son out. I tried all I it was wrecking the family. I couldn't talk with him without him freaking out. This was all affecting my other kids. The lies, stealing, calls from the police, calls from the hospital, I couldn't deal with that anymore. As much as I didn't want to I kicked him out. He ended up homeless, brought him to rehab a couple of times, he didn't stay long both times, got into a home, got a job but didn't keep it. Ups and downs.

What I do know is that there is hope for recovery. If I had one wish then it would be that all drug additions stops right now and we can see our families where they should be. And again keep in mind that people do recover. I pray that all of our kids be amongst them. Please take care. God bless you and your family.

Thank you gowithgod, my one wish would be the same, that all drug addictions just stop, if only.... I do have hope for recovery but I think my daughter has a way to go, She needs to admit to herself that she has a problem and not just say it to me because she knows I want to hear it. We are working on it and I won't give up, we plan to go for counceling and I pray that it helps. Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers. We need them!

Good luck whatever you do. It's a crap shoot will it work? Who knows? I do know that it sucks to have akid thats an addict. She'll quit when she's ready. Only then.

Methadone will only kill them slowly. It's harder to kick than heroin. Check for yourself. Methadone clinics dont work. Good luck in whatever you do.
Joe

joe who said anything about methadone, I said my daughter is on suboxone for her opiate addiction, not mthadone,

Be careful with Suboxone also.

Thank you EthelM, I hold all my daughter's med's including her suboxone in a safe and give it to her a directed. I have also spoken to the Dr. who prescribes it and try and stay on top of things. Her new drug of choice is an sedating medication she can con a dr. into giving her and if I don't get it from her fast enough she abuses that too. She has a very addicting personality and also refuses to face reality, she has lost pretty much everything and everybody in her life because of her addictions and would rather numb herself and sleep her life away. She does go to a day program 3 times a week but I think she needs alot more help than that. I have called the physch nurse and am trying to set up a meeting with her Dr., nurse and councelor so I can voice my concerns but am still waiting for a return call. I am just about at the end of my rope and am tired of all the abuse I take from her, if I don't see a change after I meet with her Dr's she will have to find other living arrangments, I'm done.