First of all - I am so very sorry about your pain. My heart goes out to you in a very big way. Have you ever been to an Al Anon meeting? How about a faith in God? Al Anon actually guided me closer to "my higher power" whom I call God. I hope that you will find relief and serenity through prayer. Bless you.......

Thank you for responding. I have gone to AlAnon several times during this long journey of raising my son. I'm so troubled over what seems to be the failure of hoping again. It appeared my son was doing well but the devil took ahold again. There's not much I can do but try to take care of myself and move forward. The problem with me is that I am not doing well coping. I doubt that there is anyone on DS that actually can help. It has to be within myself. I once heard that writing things down is a start to coping and getting through problems. I tryed here on DS but I am not feeling any relief. My shoulders are heavy, my stomach upside down, and my mind in turmoil.

I have a friend who has a son, Chris, about your son's age. He has been addicted to heroin since he was a teen. Since that time he managed to get married, have children and now is a grandfather. Chris has been in and out of many rehab facilities and in and out of jail all of his adult life. In fact, he's in jail right now. His mom, Melinda, has been a mentor to many because of the way she's shown all of the people suffering with loved ones with addictions that despite how badly her son was doing - she maintained a close relationship with him and leaned on her faith to keep her serenity in check. She is a pillar of strength because of it. Please don't give up. In Al Anon - after every meeting we say "It works - if you work it - and you are worth it". What I did when I was struggling was I surrounded myself with "like people" who went through what I was going through but were at a better place than me. I prayed. I went to a family support group. I went to Al Anon (still do) and I listened to Christian radio to reinforce and help me get my mind and heart closer to God. God is listening. Lean on Him. Side note - I know this sounds strange but I recently went to a healing service (actually to support someone else) but I was prayed on and I am amazed. The nagging, constant nerve pain in the back of my head is GONE. God is real. Look up "Blind Faith Live" podcasts. There you will hear about the many miraculous stories people have shared. Cancer, incurable diseases, addictions - etc. Anyway - I know that you are struggling, but you can find peace (despite how he's doing) and you can also have hope. I NEVER thought my sons would be doing as well as they are now. Mind you - they are not in "complete" recovery but I am amazed that my one son recovered from heroin - without "help". I will pray for you.

I think you are an angel in disguise. I am taking your suggestions. I actually have been learning towards seeking support groups in my area as well as groups within my religious community. You sound caring and willing to help. I appreciate it a lot. I've been hoping I'd find someone on DS that I could communicate with. I have many personal friends but all have been so fortunate to raise healthy successful kids. They would listen to me but would not truly understand how I feel. I'm so sick all over my body. Just this morning I realized what I feel like. It's like the inside of my body is hysterically crying and the outside is containing all the sadness and stress. It feels as though I should be crying but I can't outwardly. The tears are inside bouncing and running through me. It's strange and such an awful feeling. I'm having a tough time functioning. It sounds as though you have had your share of problems. It also sounds wonderful to read that you are doing much better. Thank you again. I hope to keep in touch. Each note I have received from you has given me a little boost.

You are so right - I have had my share of problems, but I wouldn't be where I am today, if it weren't for them. My pain has made me a much better person and I've learned so much because of what I've experienced. And I thank the Dear Lord for all of it - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

I am also glad that we connected. In the beginning of my journey - although I had lots of friends - I felt very lonely - thinking that I was the only one going through what I was experiencing. It wasn't until I connected with others who really understood (because their stories were similar to mine) that I didn't feel alone anymore. I felt a strength and bond of friendship like I never experienced before. Sure I had my other friends, but this was different.

It also warms my heart that you will be reaching out to your church community. God does listen. Sometimes it might not feel that way because we want our prayers answered like - yesterday. This is where patience comes in. Not very easy, I know. I remember reading or hearing about a woman who kept a prayer journal. She would write down what she prayed for. And later - she would write down the date they were answered. Sometimes we forget what we prayed for and miss it. For me - one of the things I did in the beginning of my journey with my sons and their issues - was write down all the things I was grateful for to help me take the focus off of all the horrible things that were going on at the time. Like the probation officer or police officer that gave me support rather than judgement. I was also grateful for the awesome drug counselor I was seeing to help me deal with my boys. For my new friends.

If you would like we could message each other instead of writing through this group.

Anyway - I will pray for you.............

Hi again. I'd love to message you directly. I'm having a hard time figuring out how to use DS. I had originally joined in 2006 when my sister passed away. I stayed on for a few years and then strayed. The DS site has changed it's format. I'll search on it to find you. I think I did find out how to send you a friend request.

Interesting enough, I joined the DS site back in 2016, too. I have never strayed, however. I did stop journal writing but I have a few friends I regularly message with.