Parents of Addicts Community Group
A safe group for Mothers and Fathers of addicts, where we can share feelings, and ask for feedback.
My youngest, 18, is in recovery and doing well. It's evident that he's on the right path. No outward signs of any use.
My middle son has used in the past (he's now 20) and certainly abused two summers ago, ending the summer with an arrest for drug paraphernalia, two days before heading off to college. That summer was the summer of hell - with youngest. So the middle one's arrest seemed almost miniscule compared to our other son.
Well - on the surface - my middle son behaves "normal". He is a pleasure to have around, he's helpful, his sleep schedule seems "normal", too, but ----- sometime last week I saw our small magnet mirror in the basement where my boys hang out. Then one night last weekend -- my husband and I came home early to find our middle son and friends sitting in our family room, drinking. His friends are legal but we felt something in the air. We've known these kids for years but they seldom stay very long. In fact, they retreated to our back deck that night - I thought to have a cigarette. Well -- I found the mirror - again - next to the back door where he and his friends went out the night before and it got me thinkin'. This isn't looking too good. So I check his cell text messages (yes - I was being sneaky) to confirm my suspicions and I was right. He's selling drugs. I'm thinking he may be using, too, but not sure if it includes the pain meds. He seems so fine - not like my youngest did at all. He isn't moody and seems "fine". Dealing with pain meds is pretty serious.
I haven't talked to him about this yet because my husband and I need to decide what action to take - based on his responses. It would be easier if he was out of control and/or was moody or something. He plays soccer, goes to the museums, paints, refs soccer, is engaging, is doing remarkable - on the surface. I know that if he has a problem - it will get worse. And just the fact that he's selling this stuff to others is horrible. I cannot wait to address this to him. Should I tell him that if I see anymore of this behavior that I would alert the police? Not sure what to do......
My middle son has used in the past (he's now 20) and certainly abused two summers ago, ending the summer with an arrest for drug paraphernalia, two days before heading off to college. That summer was the summer of hell - with youngest. So the middle one's arrest seemed almost miniscule compared to our other son.
Well - on the surface - my middle son behaves "normal". He is a pleasure to have around, he's helpful, his sleep schedule seems "normal", too, but ----- sometime last week I saw our small magnet mirror in the basement where my boys hang out. Then one night last weekend -- my husband and I came home early to find our middle son and friends sitting in our family room, drinking. His friends are legal but we felt something in the air. We've known these kids for years but they seldom stay very long. In fact, they retreated to our back deck that night - I thought to have a cigarette. Well -- I found the mirror - again - next to the back door where he and his friends went out the night before and it got me thinkin'. This isn't looking too good. So I check his cell text messages (yes - I was being sneaky) to confirm my suspicions and I was right. He's selling drugs. I'm thinking he may be using, too, but not sure if it includes the pain meds. He seems so fine - not like my youngest did at all. He isn't moody and seems "fine". Dealing with pain meds is pretty serious.
I haven't talked to him about this yet because my husband and I need to decide what action to take - based on his responses. It would be easier if he was out of control and/or was moody or something. He plays soccer, goes to the museums, paints, refs soccer, is engaging, is doing remarkable - on the surface. I know that if he has a problem - it will get worse. And just the fact that he's selling this stuff to others is horrible. I cannot wait to address this to him. Should I tell him that if I see anymore of this behavior that I would alert the police? Not sure what to do......
That kind of money is very tempting to people and very easy until you get caught. Then your talking a major change in his life and records.
Its a tough call but then again it isn't. Good luck to you and stay strong.
Especially now you are aware of his activities. There will be serious consequences for you and your husband, not to mention what a terrible example he is setting for your other children - who already have issues.
We'll, basically, tell him that we are aware of what he's doing and he can lie all he wants - and if he decides to deny it - because "we know" and won't believe anything he says, anyway. Then we'll tell him that we are not going to tolerate any drug "stuff" - usage - activities - selling - whatever - while he's living under our roof! He is not only putting himself at risk but he's putting all of us at risk, too, and ESPECIALLY his younger brother who has worked so hard at his sobriety!
So now I know what "action" to take -
1. He will have to agree to an assessment and random drug testing - THIS WEEK - before we write the tuition bill. If he needs help, we'll halt the school and focus on the treatment - if needed.
2. If he doesn't agree - he's on his own. We will tell him we love him very, very much but we cannot, cannot, cannot enable him and let him continue using these drugs.
3. I'm not going to even bring up the Adderall prescription subject until I'm convinced he's ready for that. He may be 20 but he hasn't figured out about making doctor's appointments on his own nor filling out scripts.