Welcome. We are glad you are here. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for you to hande this situation.
Do they have a strong male rolemodel? Sadly, statistics show children raised in a home without a strong healthy relationship with a male are three times as likely to get involved with drugs. Statistics also show if the oldest sibling is looked up to as a rolemodel by the younger ones, there is a 90% chance they will follow in their steps. Are you attending Alanon? What kind of help are you getting for yourself and for them?
That said, addiction does not discriminate. You can do everything right and your children will make the wrong choices. I am not trying to point a finger or sound mean, if I were in your shoes, I'd be questioning everything... "where I live, who their friends are, the school they attend."... everything.
I am so sorry. Please stay safe.
Hugs!!!!

My daughter was arrested for burglary yesterday. She was on probation for prescription fraud, had already served 60 days in county jail, she had 2 suicide attempts in the last month and a severe overdose about 6 months ago. I'm a single dad, there hasn't been a motherly figure in her life for many years. I believe sometimes there's genetics involved, Her mother was an alcoholic and drug addict. My daughter has been a poly user for several years., she is an adult (26) . I tried several times to get a forced commitment and I was blown out of the water by the ER physicians and mental health staff, they decided she was not a threat to herself. Sometimes the system fails! Hey, I can tell you we're all on shaky ground. God Bless.

Welcome, you won't be judged here, and one thing I can say about acceptance is that anything and everything can happen, and we all know it. If one of us has a kid who is trouble-free, all we can think is "there but for the grace of God..." Take care of yourself so you can stay strong, trust in your abilitities, and come here often.

I can see why you might find yourself going down that road of blaming yourself but I'm sure you know by now this ISN'T YOUR FAULT.

I have 3 sons - The oldest is an Eagle Scout - always did and does things by the book. Never got into the drinking scene at college. Always seem to make the right choices. Second born had a few bad bouts with depression but never tried drugs in high school until college (took himself off of meds) and did abuse them for awhile. He's now back on track and making the Dean's list every semester and doing well. Youngest - he made the choice (we found out later) to try drugs in middle school - which eventually lead to an addiction. After being sober for about 18 months he's back dabbling at "something" now.

All three boys were raised under the same roof - intact family. He was exposed to the same wonderful things we've provided to our other sons - church, vacations, sports, scouts, family values - etc. Now why did he choose to go down this path or should I say become an addict? Well - he did choose to try drugs as a young adolescent (high risk factor - EARLY USAGE - INCREASES CHANCES BY 5 TIMES), he also has ADD (another risk factor - impulsive behavior), and then there is GENETICS. He didn't choose to be an addict. Good kids make poor choices. In fact - over 50% of high school teens have tried drugs (alcohol included - it's a drug). Does that mean that over half of these students are bad?

So what I'm saying here is - it's the luck of the draw. Its how they're made up. I live in a small community and I can't tell you how many times people would comment about what great parents we were - referring to our oldest. I recall thinking "Thanks for the compliment, but he is what he is". Funny - but I can imagine what people are THINKING about the kind of parents we are regarding our youngest. We can't credit for either because they both received the same amount of love and caring - yet their lives are completely different.

Addiction is a disease -just like any other illness out there. It is NOT a character issue. I'm guessing you know this already but sometimes we need to hear it all over again because it's natural to blame ourselves.

My heart goes out to you.

cab6,
It definitly isn't your fault. Today Dr, Drew was talking about drugs and some of the why's. Some are born with the genes to be an addict but will never be if they aren't exposed to it. Some come by it with childhood trauma. Some of course are poor choices, But the addict gets hooked with the first try. Genetics as Mom 3 said above also.


I always used to wonder why one person could do drugs and be fine and yet the other person tries it once and becomes an addict. He explained for the most part this morning how this happens. It isn't what you did so don't be saying what did I do wrong. You did nothing wrong. Stuff happens to put it nicely! And it is a disease NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!
Also he stated for people that didn't know as Hoda said I thought it was just about bad choices. Dr. Drew explained this was not always so as I already stated.But he said No one can help an addict, he will be an addict until he is sick of being one and asks for help! Then the choice become more prevalent. Great show for newbies!
I am sorry your going through so much, we are all here for you.

Welcome and hope you will find help and solace from other parents of addicts here. We all have felt the same way as you, questioned why our kids became addicts, and know that in the end it really isn't our fault. Remember that you are not the one who made that choice, but you ARE the one who wants to make a difference and get your kids clean and healthy. We as Mothers only want to see our kids grow and reach their potential!! My daughter started using drugs at 13 in Middle School, and spent a year away from home in a residential treatment facility. She has been back home for 9 months now, and has been clean for 21 months. My oldest daughter followed the academic path and will graduate with a dual degree, and a Minor, with Honors in Dec. Polar opposites for sure. Thus, they are all our kids, but so different! I hope you can get through this, and know that we are here to help. Prayers, good thoughts and hugs to you!! D.

Welcome, I can so relate to your story. I only have one daughter and it's been ongoing for almost 6 years now. She's 26 and is beautiful, bright, caring and talented. I just don't understand sometimes. It's very hard! Don't blame yourself. This is a great place to vent and find support. Drugs addiction is so powerful and there is no one out there that does not have someone, a friend, a family member that is not affected by this in some way. I use to feel alone but I know now that I am not alone. And, I know longer blame myself. I just feel helpless it's such a horrible feeling.

I just don't know how long I can go on like this. They say that a mother is only as happy as her most unhappy child - I believe it and that makes me miserable.