Hi,

I'll jump straight into the issue, since that's what I'm here to talk about. In february, me, my 2 year old daughter, and my then 10 month old son went to stay with my sister for a few days, leaving my partner and my 3 stepchildren at home. He is the father of my children, so he's a father of 5.
On the last day that we were at my sisters, my little girl, who is exceptionally forward in her speech abilities, said something to me, that I will remember word for word until the day I die....... "Mummy, are we going home?" I replied that we were, and then she said "But I was sucking Dale's willy, and it was horrible" I had that moment where you feel like someone has thumped you in the chest, and I struggled to keep a normal tone of voice so as not to alarm her, and I said "Where did this happen, baby?" She told me that it had happened in Dale's room, but she wasn't supposed to tell Daddy, or she'd be in trouble. I gave her a cuddle and told her that she was most definitely not in trouble, that she had done nothing wrong, and that she was a brave girl for telling me. Then she said "Dale hurts my bits" I really fought to hold back tears as I asked her to show me which bits she meant. She touched her genitals and her bottom and then said that she didn't want to go home, in case Dale was naughty to her again.

I know I don't need to describe how I felt. Or how her father felt when I called him and told him. I instructed him to say nothing to Dale, just to leave and come meet me, or I knew he'd half kill him and land himself in trouble. Once he met up with me, he said he was going to call the police, and I was relieved that it was him doing it, because Dale is his son, and the family have always typecast me as some wicked stepmother, despite the fact that I've done a damn good job with these kids. The police were called, Dale was arrested and I gave statements and took my baby girl for a terrifying medical exam. She was so scared, that it will haunt me forever. Dale was interviewed and bailed to his grandmothers house.

The investigation went on for 2 months, but in the end, they could not press charges, even though the investigating officer and the paediatrician said they believed beyond a shadow of a doubt, and the child psychologist that analysed the evidence said that a 2 year old is incapable of making that kind of thing up. My daughter was just simply too young to give evidence under UK law, and that is what they needed in order to make the charges stick.

Dale's Grandmother, Aunt, Cousins and other family members have all said that I made it up in an attempt to get him out of the house! They actually say that I would put my own child through a terrifying experience and scar her for life in order to gain an extra bedroom in my house! So, not only does Dale get off scot free, which he has gloated about to his sister, my daughter will be seen as a liar and will be treated differently as she grows, and all because she was her brother's victim. I have no doubt whatsoever that he'll do it again, and I have said, as has his father, that there are no circumstances under which we would accept him living with us again. His Grandmother says she sees no reason why he cannot come back here and live with us, and that if his coming back here forces me and my childen to move out, then so what, at least Dale will be "back where he belongs"

So, in their opinion, I'm supposed to sacrifice my children's family life, and relationship with their sisters and father for an abusing little scumbag? Never mind that my precious 2 year old daughter was abused, never mind what she may grow up feeling, never mind that we all have to live with that. Just as long as DALE gets what he wants!!! The little swine has even told his sister that he's just counting the days until his dad makes "the right decision" and "gets rid of her and her kids, so i can come back to MY home" Totally disregarding the fact that MY children are just as much his father's children, and showing absolutely no care for the trauma he's put us all through!

My partner still sees him, it's his son after all, but Dale thinks that I should just "let it go" and start talking to himagain. As does his entire family on my partners side.

I'm so upset! Not only did I have my darling daughter sexually abused in her own home, by the brother she adored, I'M the one being made to feel like a criminal!! My two children are being practically ignored by their father's side of the family, and Dale is being treated like some kind of war hero, being taken on outings and bought gifts to "cheer him up."

What on earth am I meant to do? How will I ever explain to my daughter why her grandmother and aunts and uncles are so distant to us? I don't want her to grow up feeling like she wronged the family by telling the truth! I want her to be a happy child and a well adjusted young adult, not someone who spends all their days in therapy because she can't shake the feeling of being wrong. How is it that HE is being fussed and pampered, and the ones who have suffered are being shut out? HOW IS ANY OF THIS FAIR??????