Trying to hide mental illness from children only teaches them to hide things. Children seldom have words for ^it^ but they are deeply perceptive observers and imitators. Still, there are limits to what even adult children can process about their parents. I mostly wait until asked and keep the answers as brief and honestly simple as possible.

I was open enough with my eldest son (now 38) that my bff slapped me upside the head and yelled, "Quit using that child as a therapist! A 12 year old isn't ready for that much detail!" A courageous woman, my bff. . . Not too many people in this world are bold and/or caring enough to slap this beaten crazy bitch wolf upside the head. I kinda wish she would have slapped me upside the head earlier. I believe I did a great deal of damage with the verbal diarrhea.

I shot for a simpler honesty with my other son (now 34) but believe I still gave him more information than a child is ready to understand.

With my grandchildren, (2 and 4) I rarely offer explanations and shoot to keep any and all explanations to 5 words or less when they ask. Of course, the more limited exposure makes it easier with my grandchildren.

"Gammy's sad."
"I lost my temper. My bad."

But, at the end of the day, all we can do is take our best guess and pray we guessed well and/or are able to clean up the messes attached to bad guesses. It sure helps to have a good support network to help with the sorting and puzzling.

Continued support while you sort, Kitty. I'm glad you are asking these important questions.

I was first diagnosed with bipolar and fibromyalgia around the same time. I was about 36 years old. I literally had a nervous break down, but was able to avoid the psych ward with the help of my pdoc (Psychiatrist) and my wonderful parents. My son was in first grade (around 6-7 y.o.).I was a single mom and my son was very aware that there was something wrong with me. I discussed with him more about the signs and symptoms of fibro more than of bipolar when he was that young. I did tell him that sometimes I felt very sad to the point of feeling like staying in bed for hours to a whole day. I eventually went on disability and was unable to work full-time (I've worked part-time here and there). That was 14 years ago. When my son was about 12, he turned on me. My ex, his live-in girlfriend, and my ex's parents were telling my son that I was "crazy" and "lazy, and that's why I didn't work. My son started disrespecting me in many ways (he was very verbally abusive to me and once even hit me in the face!), he started smoking cigs and pot (while living short-term with my ex, his Dad), and snooping around my room and stealing things to where I had to put a lock on my bedroom door. Thank God, now my son and I have a very healthy and happy relationship (he's 24 y.o.). Since he was about 18, he was able to form his own opinions regarding my physical and mental health. He's very compassionate and empathetic now. Unfortunately, I've seen some signs and symptoms of bipolar in him since he was about 18. I don't talk to him about it though because they're not disabling at this point. He's held down a steady job since he was 18 and a senior in high school. I hope to God that he doesn't become a full on bipolar like me. I had signs and symptoms of bipolar in my twenties but self-medicated back then. Sorry for the long post. I hope something I said answered some of your questions. It sounds like you're doing a good job already with the way you explained why you're crying or broke your favorite coffee mug. I'm sure you'll do fine. Maybe ask your pdoc for his/her opinion and/or do some research on-line. Good luck and I'm sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.

Catherine

Raising my four alone is pretty hard. The oldest two (7 and 5) where explain a bit of what I go through by my well our counselor. All four show signs and the 7 year old is diagnosed with adhd. They understand a bit and a sweet and helpful at times. Even the 4 year old twins help me find my back brace when I’m going through difficult moments and on the mental side they bring me a water and ask to find my fidget spinner or if I need to listen to music. The don’t under stand fully but the way I see it it’s like if this then that to their minds. Except for the 7 year old she understands a bit more.