Parenting Toddlers (1-3) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of toddlers (1 to 3 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development. Join to share your stories and get advice.
My dd is 2 - I have to keep telling myself that - and with that is the word "terrible". For the most part she is wonderful - however lately my husband and I have trouble with getting her to listen - to do things we want her to do. Instead she treats it like a game - and likes to run from us, when asking her to go to her chair for dinner - she runs into the opposite room, she goes on our queen bed and rolls around out of our grasp and giggles and giggles... it would be fine - but things need to get done, and if you let her loose in a store - the other day we were at Walmart and she ran from my husband and fell a few times - and when he goes to pick her up she plays the limp noodle and kicks and writhes around in your arms - it looks HORRIBLE. I feel HORRIBLE. Any advice on how to tame this - or work with it... we are going to the beach and I am terrified she'll try to run into the ocean.... we go to the library and she runs and screams - I end up holding her like a football so she doesn't hit me in the face or kick me. It isn't fun... and I feel like I look like a horrible mother.
When indoors:
>I call her over and let her know what we're doing I.e. "okay sweetheart potty time, time to come and have a seat on the potty please"
>If she runs away, I simply find her, hold her hands and ask her "what did mommy say? that's not okay for you to run away, mommy said it's potty time so show mommy how you listen"
>If she's cooperative I let her lead the way, if she needs more convincing I pick her up and say I'm picking her up because she's not listening to what mommy is saying.
>If she throws a tantrum I remind her why it's important to listen or do what mommy's asking of her i.e. "it's important to use the potty so you don't have an accident, do you understand or can you say okay mom?
>If I put her down and she continues to run away I hold her hand and take her or pick her up again and explain that it's impolite to run away and it hurts mommy's feelings
If we're outside:
>I let her know it's very dangerous for her to run around without staying close to mommy or in some cases if near cars she needs to hold mommy's hand or mommy has to pick her up
>if we're at the park and she's bolting everywhere and I call her name or ask her to stop without response then I go and grab her hand and say it's not okay for her to not listen to mommy I say, "what did mommy say? mommy said STOP, I asked you to stop because you're running too far from mommy, and that's not okay, if you don't listen mommy's going to take you home or mommy's going to pick you up"
If at the store:
>I ask her to grab my hand and if she doesn't listen mommy's going to pick her up or put her in a cart
>sometimes she'll say she wants to walk by herself (if she's shown that she's been listening then she's earned that right) I'll remind her "okay you can walk by yourself but stay close to mommy and daddy or no more walking by yourself and you'll have to take mommy's hand"
>if she's not listening and you have to pick her up or take her hand remind her why you're doing it, "mommy asked you to stay close and you didn't stay close so now mommy has to pick you up, that's not okay to run away from mommy, it's not sate and mommy doesn't like that."
You may find she'll start to resist a little at first but it's worth it. You may have to keep true to your word and take her home from the park if she's had three warnings or take her outside while you're at the supermarket if she's throwing a tantrum.
At this age not letting her know what you want and exactly how to do it will frustrate her (frustrations lead to tantrums). I always remember to remind her to use her words and listen when she's expressing herself.
Good luck! :)
In dangerous situations like a parking lot or crossing this street, I tell her in advance and repeat every minute or two "we hold hands in the street". If she's not compliant I ignore it in the moment and just hold onto her hand/wrist and pull her along (not in a dragging way...like a brisk walk way) and then when we get to the car I pick her up as repeat "we hold mama's hand in the parking lot.
Obey mama"
If she doesn't stop at the corner when we are on a walk (like steps out into the street) I grab her quickly and make her sit on the sidewalk for one minute and then we practice stopping and holding hands. As we approach corners I give reminders "what do we do at the corner" and then when she stops and holds my hand I give lots of praise.
We do minute time outs at home as well (1 minute for her age). I save it for larger issues and we talk about obeying a lot. When she does listen to me we clap and say "yay you obeyed mama". I remind her of obeying, trying to make things into a game, "1,2,3 run to mama"... But in the end, if she doesn't listen after a warning or two, I take her hand and walk her to a dining room chair and tell her what the issue is "you did not obey mama, mama told you not to hit" and sit her on the chair and tell her she needs to stay until she hears the beep.
I set a timer for 1 minute. Then I stay near her but sort of "ignore" her...I pick up toys or look through the mail (whatever task is close by) and then once the beep sounds I pick her up a d tell her again "you need to obey mama" and tell her to give me a hug and say sorry mama. She doesn't say the word sorry yet...she hugs me and pays my back. And then we give a kiss and move on.