Parenting Toddlers (1-3) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of toddlers (1 to 3 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development. Join to share your stories and get advice.
Okay so I don't have any children myself. My brother is the one with the toddler. She is a little over a year now. The problem lies with the babies mother. I love her to death she is one of my dear friends and by all means my sister (not just in law). We have been practically sisters and best friends for over 14 years now!!! She has always gone on every family vacation with us and been loved by my family so much! My brother and her were high school sweethearts and even when they broke up her and I would have slumber parties and party together. Anyway they ended up getting married and having a BEAUTIFUL baby girl!
The problems began after their daughter Jennifer was born. All of a sudden my sister-in-law began changing towards my family. Became possessive and making rude comments to my about my parents and aunt. I love her very much still but her attitude towards my side of the family is such a turn off. I just dont know what to do anymore. My parents did NOTHING to her. They LOVE their granddaughter and even took care of her at their office when my sisinlaw went back to work just so she wouldn't have to go to daycare at such a young age. They have done nothing wrong but love that child AND her mother! We don't get what is going on.
We are VERY hurt by this. We have no idea how to deal with it.
I am curious if any of you guys had felt this way after giving birth??
I love my sisterinlaw to death and want the family to be together not torn. I also looooveee my niece and she LOVES my parents (not so much me she still throws food at me haha). I just don't know what to do about this. We don't feel comfortable going to visit our own family anymore!
The problems began after their daughter Jennifer was born. All of a sudden my sister-in-law began changing towards my family. Became possessive and making rude comments to my about my parents and aunt. I love her very much still but her attitude towards my side of the family is such a turn off. I just dont know what to do anymore. My parents did NOTHING to her. They LOVE their granddaughter and even took care of her at their office when my sisinlaw went back to work just so she wouldn't have to go to daycare at such a young age. They have done nothing wrong but love that child AND her mother! We don't get what is going on.
We are VERY hurt by this. We have no idea how to deal with it.
I am curious if any of you guys had felt this way after giving birth??
I love my sisterinlaw to death and want the family to be together not torn. I also looooveee my niece and she LOVES my parents (not so much me she still throws food at me haha). I just don't know what to do about this. We don't feel comfortable going to visit our own family anymore!
Good luck.
Try to sympathize with your sister in law and give her the support she needs. Raising a child is not a picnic like everyone seems to make it out to be and it can be a complete shock to some people. Its a lot of hard work and is especially difficult if the mother has to go to work and leave the baby in someone else's care.
If you want to completely understand her point of view, try going two months straight with only 1-2 hours sleep a night. A newborn child is a lot of work- up to 22 diaper changes a day and feedings every 2-4 hours. On top of that, imagine living an emotional roller coaster- you start crying for no reason and two seconds later, you are majorly irritated by the stupidest things. It can leave you completely drained in every aspect.
If those symptoms don't go away, then it is very likely she has PPD (postpartum depression). Some medications can make the mood swings even worse, so try to find out if she is on anything. She may need her doctor to reevaluate her, if that is the case.
Sit down and talk to her. Let her know you're there for her, but also be honest and tell her that she's hurt you. Just by the way you describe her, she is acting out of character. I'd have to say that yes, it probably has something to do with her having the baby. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help.
I hope you both work things out! Best of luck to you!
I don't know...it seems a bit extreme! My cousins aren't even that way with their young children!! Maybe it's cultural too..i don't know...but I have had it with her giving my family attitude!
I admit to being like her actually. Before my babies were born I was always good natured and got along well with everyone. Afterwards, lack of sleep, feeling overwhelmed with being a mother, a natural over protectiveness and other factors made me snappish, easy to set off and worse of all I found myself critical of how other people behaved towards me. I took insult at everything so in return I defended myself by finding fault at others. My own mother watches my kids during the day and I often find fault with how well she does. I would also say things I didn't mean or say things without thinking about it before hand.
I don't say that this is any excuse for her behavior but it happens. Now that my kids are a little older I'm still critical but I have learned to hold my tonge and be more gracious about it. It took awhile to appreciate what they do for me and now we're all on good terms again.
I hope this happens for your sister in law as well... Again her hormones are all over the place and it may take awhile to settle. The best thing to do is to explain how this behavior hurts you and your family be honest but also try to be understanding as well. When you someday get to the point of having your own kids it will be easier to understand. Until then its hard to stand in their shoes. Hope this helps.
You say she LOVED your side of the family---maybe she just "dealt" with the things that you did that got to her, or annoyed her. We all do. But, when people cross boundaries with your children that is a whole new level.
My MIL and I were really close before I had a baby. I didn't care if she told me how to do something. But, when I had a child, and she told me how to take care of him, I flipped.
Sit down and actually talk to her. We are not your SIL, all we can do is "guess" what is going on. Again, you will not understand until you have a child, sorry.