I think you are enabling him.
Let him try it on his own and see how tough it is in the real world.
He'll come back, but set rules, job, cleaning, rent and that's just the way it is. They all grow up, set him up for learning to live in the world when you are gone!!!! Think about him not knowing what to do without your guidance NOW!

Can I ask if you are interested in him staying with you as long as he is following your rules? That he can leave if he isn't interested in that? Since it is doubtful anyone else in his life will ever allow that.

If you just want him out, no matter what he is doing then I wonder if you are able to seek out all the local services available to him for independent living and just put it all in front of him and see if anything would work for him? I imagine his school would have many available opportunities, I wonder if you could give a call to them about what is available and possibly give them a heads-up that he could use some encouragement (a counselor maybe?)

I would personally advise to not kick your child out until he is ready unless you have exhausted all options. No judgement from me, as I have done it to one of mine but I do regret it.

We set up a written contract with my oldest, used it with my middle son too. It is not like a legal thing, but just a list of here are your responsibilities as an adult and ours as a provider of a roof over your head. This is what we will pay for and this is what we won't etc... It worked pretty well with our other children. Chores went undone sometimes, but they got good grades, stayed in school full time, worked part time, stopped driving my car and bought their own when I said, got their own cell phone when I said, applied for scholarships etc. Both made it through school without using their student loans, just paid them back in full at graduation. Just took my advice on everything (except how many hours to play video games, I lost that one every time) This one is not following the "contract" to live in the house as a grown up. Am trying to stop helping him with stuff so much, but don't want to throw him out, just feel like I should as he is not following rules. Wish we could at least come up with a compromise, but he won't talk to me or work with me on it.

Oh that all sounds like great stuff you are doing, to me, Paulinaakk1...


"He had said, but Mom, I have no where else to go, I will just live in my car. Ho hum .. he found a place to live within an hour. They ALL say that, they have no where to go .. but the world is full of others that will put the poor babies up. "

Yep. I agree.
I was *so shocked* when I had my 16.5yo leave, I had expected him to just come right back telling me how he will change and be a respectful person who pulls his weight and goes to school/works.
Nope. He crashed with this person and that person (he'll find all your enemies too, perhaps! They will *delight* in having him around if he is mad at you!) and a year later, he made me a grandmother.

I'm not saying this is the average outcome but there are only a few.

1 Possible Outcome: He will find a place to go.

2: He will not find a place and beg to come back to you - with your rules in place and knowing you "mean business".

3: He will live on the streets (probably not going to happen...)

Getting them actually out the door is the hard part. I suppose.

How does one do it?

Anyone have a suggestion on how to do the actual booting without being too cruel? I don't have much to offer on that one.

Give written notice maybe? If you haven't done this that and this other thing by such and such a time then please expect your belongings on the back porch, some spending money and the locks changed. "Love Mom"?

*hugs*

I am not sure that taking a tough line with someone who is depressed is the best course. " Let him try it on his own and see how tough it is in the real world. He'll come back, but set rules, job, cleaning, rent and that's just the way it is. They all grow up." While well-intentioned, not sure this is right either. Go-go bars are filled with girls kicked out at 16, sometimes for unfair reasons and found the way to make it.

You should limit money going to your child and work on some rules. That said, trying to develope some plans, working on solutions, telling him you love him, is not always naive. One of my sons is doing well and we took that course though it required patience. Check one of the depression pages, people are not thinking straight. If he's unpopular and playing video games 12 hours a day, I am not sure how he makes it so easily in the world world. You could offer him love and help but say you have to limit or take away the games.