Hi pap26, I understand the struggle, it is very hard to let go and let our babies grow up. Its hard to face the fact that our children will experience pain in making mistakes because that's life.I think you know your daughter best so trust your instinct. There maybe areas in life where she can be more independent then there maybe areas where she still have to gain your trust. Maybe sitting down together and setting goals and boundaries will help.

Overall I bet you have raised your daughter with great morals and values. Sometimes I think as parents we have to trust that our teens will use the tools we have given them. I think if you see she is learning and growing from the not so good choices then she's on the right track.Try not to avoid giving independence to avoid the growing up process. I know its hard but we have to allow them to struggle a little, it helps in learning how to make good choices.

Hugs
kdgsupermom

Thank you for responding! Her father and I have decided to let her live with the consequences of her actions. Hopefully she will think about her choices before she acts. We are going to make very clear her adult/not out of the house rules ,responsibilities and freedoms. She was adopted only 3 years ago so this is especially hard.
Sometimes when I let her try and fall I feel like I'm not a good parent:(

On the contrary! As a parent, letting your kids fail is very hard but is a great lesson. First, failure isn't the end of the world! Pick yourself up and try again. Second, by saving them all the time, they never learn to do it on their own.
My son just graduated from HS. It has been the most challenging time for us all. In grade 11 he decided he didn't need to finish HS and stopped working. Of course, he failed most of his classes. We let him even though it was killing us. We told him it was his life and his choice but we were here for him if needed us. Over the summer, he decided to indeed graduate. He was asked to leave his regular HS and had to go to a Learning Center which is a place for "difficult" kids. He got caught up and really wanted to get back to his regular school. I made him an appointment with the Vice Principal and he went in by himself and convinced her to let him back. He still had night school on top of his regular day school to finish one extra course. He just attended his prom and grad ceremony with all his friends, many of whom he has known since kindergarten. The point is, we stayed out of it and he made these decisions on his own. We decided that there are worse things than not graduating on time and our relationship with him has improved greatly! He knew we trusted him to make his own decisions.
It may not always work out this way, but we just have to love them and be there to pick them up when they need it and want it. That is parenting at it's most challenging. Good luck!

My 17 year old repeated a grade early on and will be a junior this coming year. If he does not get his act together, he will be struggling with graduating on time. I've had a hard time walking that line of checking in to see if he's completing homework, asking teachers about his missing work, and having him step up and take responsibility for his choices and actions.

It is definitely a hard line to find. I don't want to see him fail, but I know that I can't keep holding his hand, either. If he is going to be a successful adult, he needs to start taking control and suffering the consequences of poor choices.

Best of luck to you with finding that happy medium!

Thank you so much! It is nice to know I'm not alone in the struggle .Sometimes it seems all the other parents have it all together so well. Thanks again for the support!!

I don't think any parent has it completely "together." :)

This is going to sound weird and I am struggling with lack of sleep today so please go easy on me here... but I think if kids are going to mess up, it is better to mess up when they are young and (hopefully) learn from it. Mess up while you are living at home with parents who love you. It's much more difficult to fix things if you mess up once you're moved out and on your own...

If she makes bad choices now... she's still young. Even if it takes her a few years to "grow up", she can always get her GED and go to community college to straighten up her life and get back on a good path. I worked with a lady that totally wasted 25 years of her life partying. Finally one day she "woke up", got her GED, went to community college, transferred to a four-year school, and is now the director of a nonprofit. She is doing awesome.

We each have our own path to travel. ((hugs))

dude a good parent questions themselves
you do that
a good parent puts the time in does the thankless shit work
you do that

she is at the age of young-stupid-might act on stupid
better now
cause if she mucks up, it can be rectified, dealt with & learned from

there are a lot of kids so so much worse off than her
she has a father most of those other kids just have some guy