Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
I have two sons. My younger one is incredibly successful. He has a prestigious six figure management position at under 25, is handsome, great athlete and has girls chasing him. Many say I'd like to live his life. What credit can I take for his success?
Actually very little. Looking at things realistically, he does most things differently than me. I don't like fancy clothes, he does, I read, he's a people person, I can be opinionated, he's very flexible, I work for myself, he succeeds in an organizational setting. I've given him little advice.
My older son had a much tougher time. There were some drug issues, and he had problems in school. Sometimes he was unhappy and had several different jobs. A vice-principal once brought me to school to yell at me and then sympathized with me seeing how my son in a bad mood that day treated. me.
But guess what, both are now doing well. My older one found a nice girl and they have a wonderful marriage. And I immodestly take a lot of credit for his success. Staying with it, being positive, always showing love, helping out financially in a sensible way, my wife and I worked hard and are enjoying the rewards.
So my lesson having raised three children, you get credit for the tough challenges in life, taking a tough kid and helping mold him into a nice happily married adult. If you happen to get an easy kid who is successful, be happy but you don't get the credit. If you fought through the teenage years (and a few after0 with a tough kid and helped him find his way in life, you can take some of the credit.
Actually very little. Looking at things realistically, he does most things differently than me. I don't like fancy clothes, he does, I read, he's a people person, I can be opinionated, he's very flexible, I work for myself, he succeeds in an organizational setting. I've given him little advice.
My older son had a much tougher time. There were some drug issues, and he had problems in school. Sometimes he was unhappy and had several different jobs. A vice-principal once brought me to school to yell at me and then sympathized with me seeing how my son in a bad mood that day treated. me.
But guess what, both are now doing well. My older one found a nice girl and they have a wonderful marriage. And I immodestly take a lot of credit for his success. Staying with it, being positive, always showing love, helping out financially in a sensible way, my wife and I worked hard and are enjoying the rewards.
So my lesson having raised three children, you get credit for the tough challenges in life, taking a tough kid and helping mold him into a nice happily married adult. If you happen to get an easy kid who is successful, be happy but you don't get the credit. If you fought through the teenage years (and a few after0 with a tough kid and helped him find his way in life, you can take some of the credit.
I can't honestly say I guided him. For example, my mother always emphasized the importance of clothes and appearance and somehow as a result I seem to care less about clothes than the average person. He in contrast is extremely well-dressed now wearing Zegna suits. Candidly how do I take credit for that; at best; if he saw me looking a little sloppy and decided to do the opposite.
One thing he taught me is relevant here. You don't just make your points or argument. Instead, the FIRST step in any conversation is looking at things from the other person's perspective, what does this person want, need, or seek. Thus, each conversation is contoured differently to try to meet their goals and needs.
Yes I will take some credit my son is a good person. Senior year, he was quite popular, all-conference, captain, etc, and a nice boy with autism came up to him. My son befriended the young man and they would see each other and talk which was nice. My middle son is like that too. One day, on a lunch counter, a teenager was making fun of a disabled person taking food from his tray. My son (who is big) came over, the young kid said hey, mellow it, it's just a joke. My son said it's not a joke, its not funny, you are a jerk and this isn't something you should be doing.
I think good values are easiest to teach then financial or similar success.