Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
Hi All...
i am new here...but i have a issue that i need an opinion on...i am a single parent to a wonderful well behaved, well adjusted, 14 y/o son...his father/my ex is in his life but he works in iraq and isn't always around...
my son is a great kid who just returned from Youth Passport Camp in New Orleans and a Mission/Choir Tour trip to Chicago...In the fall he will be entering the IB High School Program at one of the best public HS in our city(H-Town, as he calls it)...
as great as he is, he isn't very talkative when it comes to me...i ask how was your trip? he says it was ok...i have to dig and dig to get information out of him...but he has no trouble talking/texting his friends...his extended family....but when it comes to talking to me...he just clams up...unless he wants something....which brings me to my problem...
before he left for his trip to Chicago, he asked me if he could get his ear pierced...naturally my immediate reaction was HELL NO...well then came a 4 day long discussion/argument on why i won't let him get his ear pierced...
well in case i didn't mention it, my son is very intelligent(to the point of being gifted) and was on the debate team in middle school...so he knows how to argue...and he raises some good points...
i'm being sexist (i won't let him wear pink either)...
i dyed my hair red green and blue when I was his age (i did, but that's besides the point)...
I got my tongue peirced (i did when i was in my early 30's, but that's beside the point also)...
so you see, he makes it very difficult for me to say no to getting his ear pierced for any reason other than the fact that I didn't want a son to dress him in pink and have a pierced ear....
personally, i don't like or dislike men with earrings...but i definately don't like boys/young men with earrings at all...it's just not the kind of mom image that i want to project...oh i'm the cool mom because i let my kid get his ear pierced...it's not the message that i want to put out...and i don't think a male freshman with a pierced ear is a good first impression...
i really don't know...what do you all think?
should i or shouldn't i let my 14 y/o son get his ear pierced?...
i am new here...but i have a issue that i need an opinion on...i am a single parent to a wonderful well behaved, well adjusted, 14 y/o son...his father/my ex is in his life but he works in iraq and isn't always around...
my son is a great kid who just returned from Youth Passport Camp in New Orleans and a Mission/Choir Tour trip to Chicago...In the fall he will be entering the IB High School Program at one of the best public HS in our city(H-Town, as he calls it)...
as great as he is, he isn't very talkative when it comes to me...i ask how was your trip? he says it was ok...i have to dig and dig to get information out of him...but he has no trouble talking/texting his friends...his extended family....but when it comes to talking to me...he just clams up...unless he wants something....which brings me to my problem...
before he left for his trip to Chicago, he asked me if he could get his ear pierced...naturally my immediate reaction was HELL NO...well then came a 4 day long discussion/argument on why i won't let him get his ear pierced...
well in case i didn't mention it, my son is very intelligent(to the point of being gifted) and was on the debate team in middle school...so he knows how to argue...and he raises some good points...
i'm being sexist (i won't let him wear pink either)...
i dyed my hair red green and blue when I was his age (i did, but that's besides the point)...
I got my tongue peirced (i did when i was in my early 30's, but that's beside the point also)...
so you see, he makes it very difficult for me to say no to getting his ear pierced for any reason other than the fact that I didn't want a son to dress him in pink and have a pierced ear....
personally, i don't like or dislike men with earrings...but i definately don't like boys/young men with earrings at all...it's just not the kind of mom image that i want to project...oh i'm the cool mom because i let my kid get his ear pierced...it's not the message that i want to put out...and i don't think a male freshman with a pierced ear is a good first impression...
i really don't know...what do you all think?
should i or shouldn't i let my 14 y/o son get his ear pierced?...
A great way to present it is-"I'm having a hard time seeing you grow up so fast, you have grown to a point where sometimes we have mature conversations and arguments, It's impressive. Earring on a male is something I assocciate with men, in fact I like the look on men, But I'm just not ready to see you as a man. I perfer you wait until you 18, But I will consider talking about this again when you turn 16."
There is a great book called "Staying connected with your teenager" It's a godsend.
It teaches to to acknowledge that how well he is arguing with you, and the great points he made when you are still going to make a no decision.
It greats really weird, my son is 16 now and it's calmed a bit. But he was like your son, very easy and great to be with. Became a teenager and there were arguements, big auguements about things that made no possiable sence. ie: claiming a bathroom in the house to himself, deciding he NEEDED a computer worth 1200., he doesn't need to eat vegi's, and so on.
I was scared...thankfully it didn't last. He's more relaxed now, and we enjoy him company again.
Sorry this is so long and GOOD LUCK
I was a young mom and wanted my son's ear pierced when he was born. (I know, weird, whatever.) I didn't because my family talked me out of it. I think when my son was 10yrs old or so and he stated he wanted his ear pierced......LOL for some reason I said "NO. what will people think if you were to become a doctor or lawyer?" we had one of your back and forth and come to find out, my mother had told him about me wanting his ear pierced when he was a baby. Well, to make a long story short, we compromised and I told him if he still wanted to get his EAR pierced at 13 I would bring him. Well, he did and I took him to get it pierced. Funny thing was he was accepted to a prestigious school a few months later, and he had to remove his earring during his HS years. He now has 2 earrings and is planning on studying medicine/Biology major. To me this is mind over matter. Pink is only a color, not a symbol of manhood.
PS: I dressed him in pink when he was a younger (e.g. easter outfits - you know those plaid shorts with pastel colors with a pink polo shirt). He did go through the phase that pink was for girls, etc, but for the past 3 yrs or so, he has worn pink shirts - from Holister of course!
I am not going to question your decision as that is totally irrelevant in this situation, the fact of the matter is that he should be following what you decide for him.
As for wearing pink I think it might be an idea for him to try it to see if it suits him or not, pink suits some males but not them all, try him with say a t-shirt with a little pink in it, he may turn round and say he doesn't like it and that's the pink forgot about.
My stepson asked for me to buy him a pink t-shirt when he was 15, it was a bright pink t-shirt and personally I thought it was a fashion statement, I said no but agreed to buy him a t-shirt with a little pink in it, it was nice but he then realised pink wasn't for him, he made his opinion on this a little too late as his mom bought him a pink iPod so I had to buy a black skin to cover that up but the important thing was that he made his own decision on that one.
I am not sure why your son will not open up to you, most teenagers act quite the same, I know my stepson would open up to me about everything, anything that was happening in his life I was the first one he told. His mom did always feel left out in that respect but then she got used to it and realised that was just his way of dealing with things.
I don't think your son means anything personal, some kids just don't feel up to talking to their parents about the same things they talk to their friends about, they only seem to want to talk to them when they need something, but it's all part of the parenting.
I think you should sit your son down and tell him how you feel about things, inform him that no matter how much he argues or throws up things that you have done that you are his mother and it is about his life, not your past but his present and his future.
I wish you luck with this =)
I agree with Joemm tell him when he is 18 its his choice...and it really is.
Morgaine