sometimes people do not appreciate kindness. i don't think you are stupid, but it appears that people are taking advantage of your kindness instead of appreciating it.

Oh, please don't call yourself stupid! I really feel for you. I can't speak from experience - my girls are 13 & 15. However, I can say with pretty good amount of certainty that if one of my daughters acted that way, my husband and I would no qualms about letting her go. Sometimes the best and the only way you can show your love for her is to just let her figure things out all by herself. I realize that isn't as easy since there is a baby involved, but for as long as you continue to pamper her, she'll never grow-up nor learn. There are so may resources she can turn to for help. Let go - let her fall. They don't call "tough love" tough for no reason. It probably will be more tough on you than your daughter. Then pray that she'll return with humility, respect, and gratitude for what you have done for her. As parents, we can only do so much - then all you can do is pray. Pray for peace knowing that you've done your absolute best in rearing your daughter. I'm not saying perfect with no mistakes. But your absolute best. That is all G-d asks of us. Please don't be so hard on yourself. You made me cry. Take care!

My 14 year old came down with "baditude" over the weekend. She told us that Aunt Alice takes her anywhere she wants since Mom and I are at work during the week, so why should I have to do chores or even go to the shore with "you people". I am NOT a "you people". So her little ass is in my shit house (pardon the cussing please), until she stops being nasty and abrasive. It is not you...I believe that as a culture we have contributed to spoiling these kids and with the way the media is and the education system is in this country, we have also contributed to the dumming down of the kids. Long gone are the days of manners, civility, respect, thirst for knowledge etc. The last thing she said to us is that she can always take what she wants because she is of the insane opinion that Mom and I owe her. She has to understand that parents do not owe and the kids are not bill collectors nor are my kids allowed to behave like shake down artists, mafia wise guys or doing shylock.

All teens at some point seem to have a sense of entitlement; after all their world revolves around them (LOL)You have been very generous; she is being unreasonable!

Gosh, no advice, just some questions for you to consider.....Is there any chance she has some type of post partum-depression that is contributing to her situation? Are you putting up with her bad behavior because you are worried about the consequences for the baby if you do not? What is the future for your grandchild if she is the primary parent? Do you want to adopt her baby; be the sole guardian or should someone else?

I ask these questions because I know the heartache my in-laws went through until they obtained guardianship of my niece (and my sister in law moved out). It was not an easy choice or path; but it all turned out well -- she recently graduated from college, has a good job and the family likes her husband. Good Luck!

I agree with the tough love, set boundries, and if she continues to cross them - let her see what the world is really like. You can't seal with all the problems she's causing at once though, it becomes to overwhelming for all, pick one thing for instance the no job, tell her she has x amount of time before you are going to require rent from her...amount doesn't matter but if she refuses to do anything then no matter how much it hurts you, you have to tell her she's going to have to pack her bags, more than likely she'll end up at a friends house but she'll know your serious. The grandchild is a very tough situation, but if she's not going to do anything about the fact that her kid is in the system you can't fight her fight without her so change your approach there too, there is grandparent right, I don't know alot about them but when I was younger I had a friend you sounds alot like your daughter, her mother fought for her rights...my friend does not have any contact with her children anymore but her mom does. GL in whatever you decide but for all you have already done you have to take the guilt off yourself and place the blame where it belongs

I too blame myself for my parenting faults but how much can you take before you loose a noodle.(which mine i have lost alredy LOL). When my 16 year old stole my spare change that I was saving to buy my Mom a headstone I should have done someting. But nope not me. Then he stole my bank card he didn't get any money from it. As soon as I knew my card was gone I went on the net and payed all my bills. I figured I would rather have a credit on all of them then have a 16 year old take the money and drink it away. I should have called the police then, but nope not me. Well when I finally did call the police on him he stole my car. My car was my independence, my ability to provide the life he wants. I missed out on 7 shifts of work. I am a home care attendant and also work in a nursing home in a rural community. There is no bussing system here. I am so full of anger some days when he lips me off I can't even speak. I go to my room and he goes to his. But what about the other 3 kids. Now he goes to court in September and some people feel I am being to mean, But where do we draw the line? I am learning tough love and it's not easy but it does get better every day. The kids don't like being told no! I know they will appreciate me more after this.

I was a social worker for Department of Children and Family Services in Los Angeles County for years. I urge you to do every thing you can to care for your grandson. It this child is in the system it is very difficult to return to family. Often grandparents do not qualify and if they do it takes months to have the children placed with them. At this point they are often adopted by the foster parents, particularly if they are young. Court will often say they are bonded to the foster parent caretaker. If it were I, I would try to care for your grandchild as much as possible. By going to Probate Court you can often have the child placed with you on a voluntary basis if your daughter agrees. Probate court is not like the "system". In probate court the child's best welfare is considered first. If you can receive a legal guardianship which is easy if the child lives with you much of the time, you can receive MediCal and payment for the child's needs. Probate Court often has free attorneys on hand to help with the paper work and filing fees can be waived if you do not have the money to pay for this. I strongly urge you to research this. Even if your daughter is having struggles you will have the comfort of knowing your grandchild is safe and loved

I have been told by many of people that kids are not the same as when we grew up. Kids think that your owe them. They don't think of other people but them selves. I have an 18 year old daughter that comes and goes out of my life like seasons of a year. I never know if she is ok for months on end. She does not call or email. Then she shows up out of the blue and I can only handle her for a week and then I send her back to where she came from. Sounds like you have your daughter close and your grandchild. So hold on to the little things and keep persevering. Don't let her get the better of you. You are a great mom and you must remember that.

My daughter is 14 and I never buy enough of anything for her and then comes the drama. I think children are less grateful these days and it is caused by the lack of respect that we recieve because the state has a lot of control over punishing our children.