Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.

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lowen22 10/14/2011

my 12 year old son is very concerned that he is gay. he is in no way feminine, or appears to be the type you would think, girls love him, and he always seems to be into them. but he has a sexual experience with one of his friends. he told me about it, and he felt horrible about it. I told him that if he is gay, it is fine. but he says he is not. but the fact that he and his friend did this has him concerned, he is in no way in puberty yet. my son. no hair, nothing, still looks very young. he acts very silly around girls. is very athletic and great at sports. I feel if he is gay, and he knows this, it is ok, his father and i will love him just the same. but he is constantly worried about it. if he thinks a boy looks good or something, he worries and asks me if its normal. i know as a completely straight woman, i had homosexual experiences pre adolesence,, do guys do this stuff too. i just want to help him...
Posted on 10/14/11, 08:35 pm

lexisgirl 10/14/2011

Sounds to me like he is just exploring his sexuality. Whiel some people know at a young age if they are gay, some take longer. I think it is great you are accepting of it. That should help him. If he is feeling overwhelming guilt, it might help to find him a counselor that can help him figure it out. I hate to see the guilt take over his self esteem.

deleted_user 10/15/2011

I like Lexigirl's reply. Exploring is perfectly natural and I think it is natural to feel some guilt. Has he talked to his dad about it? Gay or not, he might be too young to know just yet, but either way if he can stay focused on school and sports, maybe he can put the past behind him. It could have been pure curiosity.

deleted_user 10/16/2011

There is nothing wrong with being gay BUT I do feel the media is always talking about it and that makes kids maybe question themselves moreso than years ago when it wasn't really talked about. I mean at that age when they are curious anyway it might be an idea put into their head when really it isn't even a probability.
Sue

lowen22 10/16/2011

That's a really good point sue. I never thought about it that way. I

deleted_user 11/03/2011

He's probably just exploring.
I have to add that you don't have to be feminine to be gay, that's just the stereotype. He doesn't have to be in puberty to realise his sexuality ethier, since sexuality is something you are born with. If he is gay you should just give him a hug, a kiss on the cheek and tell him that whoever he ends up with girl or boy you'd always love him and that's it.
I think you should be glad he shares your feelings with you, 'cause that can be a really hard thing to do. I'm still trying to figure out how to tell my family I'm bisexual, but when I do I hope they'll react like that.

deleted_user 11/03/2011

#2 and #3
I disagree.
First at 12 you can know your sexuality, 'cause like I said you're born with it. Most hetrosexuals whould probably say that they'd known it all they're life, so why should that be diffrent for gays?
And second, I think that there was just as many that thought about it back then, they we're just hidding in they're closet, because it was quite a taboo, I guess.

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