Here I am again, after some time off. Things with my son had been fairly good until last month or so. His grades took a nose-dive and he started smoking cigarettes again & pot. He never really stopped smoking altogether, but for awhile it had definitely waned. A couple weeks ago, the town police called and asked me to come & pick my son up. He had been hanging out with a bunch of other kids from school & he was "high as a kite". The cop told me that if he had shown up 5 minutes earlier, my son would have been in handcuffs. I was so upset, angry, disappointed and scared. (He had also snorted a "friends" Adderall--he takes a very low dose of Ritalin himself and it's kept under lock and key and I administer it at home.) I had recently been laid-off, so I told my son, that he and I would be spending all of our free time together. I took his cell phone away & he couldn't go out unless it was to go to school.
After a day at his father's house, he decided that he wants to finish his senior year in the town where his father lives (about 25 minutes away). It's the school district that he attended from kindergarten through 6th. We didn't like the influences in the upper grades and so he went to private school 7th-9th and then when I re-married, he began attending the small public high school right next to his private school. (My ex didn't want to pay for private school any longer & also didn't want to be restricted in his free time.) So my son has been living with me and his step-father (who loves him to pieces), for each school year and seeing his father every other weekend--as long as his father is around.
When he told me that he was going to finish school in the other district, I didn't react. But inside my heart was breaking. I've put so much time, energy and love into helping him through school, being there when he needed to be nudged back on track and loving him when it's been very difficult to do so. (That's when they need it the most, when it feels like they deserve it the least.) My concerns are multi-faceted. He wants "freedom" for his upcoming 18th birthday, so he'll go to his father's house, his father may give him a lot more leeway because he's not very attentive---until it becomes a "crisis" in his opinion. My son knows EVERYONE in this other town and will have access to God knows what. He told me that he's "done with Mom time & wants to live with Dad, because he's my Dad". (Cue the heartbreak again). They have similar traits in that they are both a bit self-centered and want to just live whatever way they want without regard for others. (If I hear one more thing about "free will" I will puke!)
Oh, I know I'm rambling and this is all jumbled. Sorry, just need to vent. It's been hard on my marriage and it's taking a toll on me physically.
I want to trust that this is what my son needs to do in order to grow and that he will be safe. And if he stumbles into--or chooses--trouble, that it will be a learning experience & not a life-ending one. (Sorry, but that's how scared I am.) As I said, he will be 18 on the 31st, and then it's a whole new ball game.
Not sure what advice I'm really seeking or even open to receiving right now....maybe just some words of wisdom & kindness would be appreciated. Keeping in mind that I've only expressed the nutshell version here. Thanks.