dont throw him out ,hes not trash, hes your son,give him another chance,talk to the conseler, help him ,mom, love him forgive, your not perfect,just try

Thank you for your advise, I don't think I would have thrown him out but, it gets so frustrating at times telling him the same thing over and over again. You sound like a good parent. Thanks again.

I know how you feel. i'm going through it with my niece (15) now. She stayed after school yesterday for "help on homework". The thing is...she "forgot" to tell us she was staying after. I searched all over town for her. Called everyone I could think of. Freaked out on a janitor and almost got arrested for being in the school after hours. Guess what...as the police were walking me out of the building she texts me! Oh miss I'm home safe...c-ya later! Talk about mad! And now tomorrow she wants to stay again. Fine if it's to do work but I did something I'm not proud of today. She was talking to her new boyfriend on the phone and I picked up the other one. Her real plans for tomorrow are to hang with him then take the late bus home....yet she's telling me she's staying for help. What am I supposed to do? If I tell her what I know she will hate me and act out more. This isn't the first time. 2 weeks ago she was grounded for making plans, lying about them and then TELLING me what she is doing at the last minute. Once I caught her lying to me before, she was grounded. I know she's lying now but I only know cause I was sneaky...I have no way of catching her this time. What do I do? I have 4 other kids and CANNOT spend all day, every day dealing with her lying and chasing her around. Any advise would be greatly appreciated!!!! Take Care!!!!!!!

I'll give you the good news first! I have an almost 20 year old son as well and had the same problems with him. He will turn 20 next Tuesday, October 13th. He is now the son that I know I raised. He ddoesn't lie anymore, he has a great job and is really just a pleasure to be around.

The bad news is that the behavior that you are talking about, lasts a couple of years. Only when they are secure enough with who they are do they become the men or women that we raised!

My son is 17 and is being very difficult. He lies all the time, he used to smoke pot, has a really bad attitude, is often disrespectful, arrogant, etc.... BUT since I have gone through this with my oldest son and he has turned out fine, I am encouraged that the youngest one will be fine too!

Good luck and I'm sure everything will be fine in a year or so!

I think all you can do is corner them and let them trip themselves up with the lye (and they will) when it becomes obvious that they know you have caught them in a lie then you can come down on them. Tell them you will ground them from everything and make their life very isolated (no Cell phones no privileges with their friends) You have to come down on them hard enough to make it hurt. They have to learn that their consequences to their actions. As far at the girl who is lying to be with her boyfriend you,ll have to caught her. Try going to the school before she gets out and say you are there to talk to her teacher or something. You have to bust her in the act so to speak on the pretense of something else so she won't know that you already know. Another thing you can try is lie to them about something they are really counting on and when it doesn't happen remind them that you are letting them know what its like to be lied to (it seems childish but it can work). They will have to live with the fact that they have to earn your trust back which they are responsible for damaging good luck

I am convinced teenagers lie just for the sake of lying. Mine lies often, but now he's not talking to me.. Long story.. Girlfriend broke up with him - it's my fault. He got an F in Pre-Calc - it's my fault. he didn't take the trash cans out it's my fault.. I'm liking that he's not talking to me right now.
I've heard 25 is the change back time.. Crap - I'll be retiring by then.

good luck to you.

You obviously love your son or you wouldn't be here seeking advice. Nurture the relationship with your son. Let him know that you love him no matter what. Don't withhold your affection from him or make him feel not loved for punishment. I made that mistake with my son and I regret it so much now.

Is she leaving school with the boyfriend? If she is leaving the school then she shouldn't be able to ride the late bus. If she isn't leaving the school, I don't know if I would worry about it too much. Sure, she is lying but the important thing is that she is getting an education.
Perhaps you could contact the school about additional tutoring services then when she says that she would like to keep staying after school, look at her grades. If they haven't gone up, tell her that her after school program isn't working. She will either have to start getting doing some work when she is staying after to raise her grades, or she willTell her she will have to attend the other tutoring service. Just a thought....

Does anyone here hear themselves?!?!?!?! It doesn't matter if she is doing something she isn't supposed to do just be happy she is getting an education?!?!?!? Did I miss something here? Who is in charge anyway? If she lies you should confront her. Whose house is she living in anyway? Who pays the bills? Who takes the crap if she screws up? Certainly not her..... There can only be one leader in a family. The adults are supposed to be in charge. Somewhere I missed a flip in authority.....

I'm not trying to be insensative, I had problems with my own lying teen but I am so taken aback by the lack of authority in the average family nowadays.

Hi first of all, my iece's name is Alethia which means "truth" in chinese .ANYHOW..
heres what I think is working for me...
my son has tutoring...
he has to study for 2 hours a day or he cannot go out the following day afterschool for clubs etc...THAT WORKS.
While on restriction he has to study for 2 hours or no tv from 8-9.
CELLPHONES are a privilidge. He has to earn those and his c's and D's wont cut it.
B average or no phone, b+ for texting...the end.
My son LIKES getting a ride to school but doesnt like walking home. I told him he has 5 minutes to find his way to my car or he is walking to school the next day. He is not happy about that. They are not allowed in another teen's car until they are 18 and their friends must be driving for a year when they ride with them. I have twin teens, I want to kill them (not literally) and they piss me off almost daily, and I dont get mad easily, they push buttons, curse and sometimes act self deserving. They get allowance if they do chores and make their lunch and if they break major rules, or cuss they are fined, if they have no money to go out, they dont go out. We have to put our ideas together here and not judge one another. Teens can test and push us and it seems like it might be easier to let them just do it and roll the dice, but we might be really sorry in the end. Lets support each other and for the mom who is busy on the link behind me badgering alethia, this is hard, and we are not all strong, heavy spined people, and issues like grief or depression can weaken our ability to parent effectively....Lets be understanding, the point of this group! Opinions are like assholes we all them and they all stink, so lets be nice like the rules say!

It's an opinion.... We are all entitled to them right?

I have a son and it doesn't matter what I say to him. He gets an attitude,lol
BUT he does it anyway.

Now I have an 12 yr old daughter that makes him look like a walk in the park.
I all but have to put her in a head lock sometimes to get her to do anything,lol Just kidding but sometimes.........

My Dad would take every single solitary possession that I have and make me earn everything back 1 item a week until I corrected my behaviour. He did it when I was ten. It worked.

Your son is 16. I am 16. I wouldn't want him to take my stuff again. He took every thing but the bedspring. No toys, not TV, computer, desk, draperies, noting but the the carpet and bedspring mattress. earning it back took me 2 years.

Also, your son is hiding a secret from you. Find out what it is.