I know my nephew says he will do anything if he gets paid so maybe an allowance for chores if he doesn't have one already...:D

LOL I feel ya here! I have an almost 13 year old.....same thing, think it is the age! I will restrict activities on him. I stopped washing his clothes...made him accountable and responsible of his basic needs. He likes girls now....so he knows he can't walk around stinking, so he washes his clothes. His bedroom on occassion does smell like sweaty buttcrack, but guess what...before he can do anything...he WILL sit in there til he finds the stench and takes care of it. I do not and will not pay him to help, I tell him that helping is paying his room and board. I had to change my approach, I will not listen to him whine, negotiate and charm his way out of work....he will do it, it is not a choice, yes I have to be a bit of a B..... about things but they get done now.

Is there somethings you do for him that you can take away. Like with my 15 year old I decided I wouldn't be a taxi anymore if he didn't complete his chores. The fact that he couldn't go anywhere changed his mind. Food is another way that may get his atention. I won't do extra work to cook his favorite dishes. I am a vegatarian but my kids aren't so I give him my type of dinner....it is food and it is even healthier...lol! He didn't like that either and it worked.

Good luck teenagers are tough!

My son has constipation issues that arise whenever work is mentioned. He seems to always seems to be stuck in the bathroom for long periods of time anytime I assign a chore to him. LOL

I think it is a teenage issue... my oldest daughter is the same way.. if she doesnt want to do it, I either have to stay on top of her to get it done, or it doesnt happen. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to do it myself, but I know having her do these things I am asking is helping her grow up and take responsibility.

I'm with all of you on this one. My 14 year old daughter is an absolute pig when it comes to her room. I finally mucked it out this morning so my housekeeper could get in there to clean the floors and dust. Sheesh!! And DD said she cleaned it last night! NOT!

I have pretty much given up at this point and just close the door. As long as I don't find dirty dishes and underwear all over and the room doesn't smell bad...oh well.

I actually DID find dirty dishes and silverware in her dresser drawers a couple of years ago when my DH and I got in there and really cleaned the place out. I had wondered where all my spoons went to!!!

Now, she only has a closet unit and no dressers. She has a desk with one small drawer and her bed and a chair. I refuse to give her more places to pile up junk and hide dirty dishes and clothing.

Someday, I will look back at this and laugh...not just YET though! ;-)

Jen

We should have a "Lazy Contest" because my son would take first place! And he's 21 now! I cracked up when I read JenJ's comments about the dirty dishes in the drawers. I thought my son was the only one who ever did that. I was in absolute shock when I discovered a few dirty dishes in his dresser drawers and under his bed. My Mom would have killed me if I pulled that crap!

It's obviously a "teenage" thing but it doesn't mean that it's a free pass from all chores... if you don't instill a good work ethic now... it will be impossible later.

I'm a big believer in "positive" reinforcement. I would try some type of reward/chore/allowance chart first. And it's important that you're consistent and firm about the expectations, rewards and if necessary, the consequences. If the reward system doesn't motivate him, than you have to go the opposite direction and start taking things away (TV, computer, phones, etc.)

I hope this helps!

I'd like to know what you all do about your teen's rooms. Do you require them to keep it neat and clean or do you just let them live like pigs in their own space? I tend to do the latter, but once in a while I just can't take it anymore and make them clean it up.

Hi Benjamin,

I'm pretty much like you. I try to get her to clean...which she makes a woeful attempt at doing...but other than that I leave it. Until... I can't take it anymore.

The thing that gets me is not so much the clutter but the dirty dishes, under wear, etc. Along with the dust bunnies and just plain trash she leaves around.

She's allergic to dust mites and I have mild asthma so I HAVE to have the house clean. That does include her room.

I keep the rest of my house pretty clean since I have a housekeeper come in once per week to do the heavy work...which is ironic since I was a volunteer housekeeper for a monastery until my mom became ill and moved in with us this past June. She has since passed away, but now I feel that every penny of the $60.00 per week is worth it to not have to scrub showers, toilets, sinks and do floors. Yeah, I got spoiled.

Anyway, I have tried taking things away, giving rewards, lecturing, yelling, grounding, and on. Heck, my undergrad work was in behavioral psych and I can't get my kid to clean her room...so you can all abandon hope. ;-)

Seriously though, many of us were probably just as lazy but our moms were more persistent and it was a different time. And now, I am sure most of us don't live in squalor. So in the end there is hope . I guess, as all things, it's just a phase.

Best to All,

Jen

I'm pretty much like you, too, Benjamin. I leave their rooms alone for the most part, but every now and again I'll get on them to at least pick up the clothes and get them in the laundry. The MOST ANNOYING is when I do the laundry and find that the clothes I am washing are already folded, which means they just picked up everything on the floor or bed, even the clean stuff that was there for them to put away!!! I usually don't allow them to eat much food in their rooms except for snacks, so I'll find empty chip bags, etc... that I can handle.

Oh, oh! PaHockeyMom....yes! I have no idea how many articles of clean clothing I have rewashed over the years because it was easier to throw them in the hamper than to put them in the closet!! Drives me insane!

And the whole food wrappers, bags, etc. Yeah, that too!

Here's more: Tissues all over the floor, bed tables etc. after a cold. Yuck!

Candy or other food mashed and stuck to the floor. Luckily we have laminate floors.

Dirty socks and underwear stuffed back ind drawers, under bed, under pillow, stiffed in under the chair cushion...another yuck!

Bags and tags from shopping left all over the room. And there's a trash can right there....two feet away!

Wet towels on the bed or chair after a shower! Mildew....

Yeah, my daughter does ALL of this and more. Luckily I know that she will be out on her own one day and then she will either live with it or learn to clean up and I will have my house back and not have to clean up after her.

Amazing how similar they all are isn't it??

Jen

I am talking of a different generation here - but - I just left him to it. I know I shouldnt have - but it was not worth the trouble - he just didnt do it the next time anyway!! didnt wash either! BUT - he now is such a good husband, helps out all the time (started washing with the first girl!), has two children he is really hands on with and does a lot of cooking (the one thing I did insist on him sharing with!).....so must have done something right...take care and good luck - he's a TEEN....hugs C X

I have these problems too. I tell my daughter she cannot go to any friends house or extrat activities until it is clean. She then stuffs everything in the closet or behind her bed.
Right now I laugh because she posted a help wanted sign on her door. "HELP WANTED" a clean room. I think she is fustrated too.