i empathize with you because i have an abusive son. He is also 18 and punches holes in my walls, breaks things, calls me degrading names. His dad was verbally abusive to me and now my son is like that to me and actually his dad too. I am no longer married because of it all. My counselor tells me to call the police on my son when he damages things. I dont know i i have the nerve. I'm not sure what we can do with these kids. I'll be as interested as you in the responses. I have told him he has to find another place to live but he says there is nowhere else to go. He is a senior in HS. Cant you report her stealing to the police?

I have had to call the police on my youngest son for attacking me last year. Prior to that he was totally out of control hitting us, breaking things, pulling knives on us and threatening to kill us. We put him in Behavioral Therapy and his dad and i went to the counseling sessions with him. The psychologist is the one that told us to call the police when these things happened. We never wanted to because we were afraid they would take him away. he had assured us they wouldn't. They didn't but they sure scared the crap out of him, he was 12 at the time. Not sure if they'll take it so easy on an 18 yr old. Doing this in addition to learning how to deal with him and issue appropriate consequences helped us get him under control. He hasn't hit anyone since the day the cops came (Super Bowl Sunday 2010). At the time we were having a smaller issue with our older son, 17 at the time. He's a good kid, no troubles to mention but he refused to help out around the house. The psychologist suggested we stop helping him. From that day forward my oldest had to do his own laundry, buy his own clothes, gas, car insurance, etc. it worked out very well. The less you do for them the more they see how much they need you. The oldest has been out of a job for a few months now and attends high school until 11:30am then goes to the community college Mon-Thur to take classes so we agreed to help him out financially until he graduates in May but he has chores he has to do if he wants gas and spending money.

Didn't the police charge your daughter with an MIP or something for underage drinking? seems to me if she had to face court and community service or a fine that may have an impact on her and future choices.

i am having the same problem with my 15 year old daughter, she smokes drinks and does drugs as well, she verbally abuses everyone in the house, i have 3 younger children including one with autism, she punches holes in the wall and basically acts like a 3 year old having a tantrum when she cant get her own way. 2 weeks ago she was yelling and swearing and carrying on because i wouldn't buy her cigarettes her dad grabbed her by the shoulders and started shaking her and telling her to wake up to herself, when he let her go she went into the kitchen and got a knife and tried to stab her dad. I called the police, she was arrested (handcuffs and pat down) and charged with intent with a weapon. the police on our behalf took out an apprehended violence order against her, because she is a minor legally she can still live with us but she is not allowed to assault, harass threaten or otherwise interfere with any one in the house, if she does she will be in breach of it and will be locked up, at the moment she is on bail and goes to court on the 29th April, I wish that i had the avo taken out on her when all this behaviour had started but didn't know i could, i have now made the hard decision that when it comes to her she gets no money from me, i no longer drive her anywhere she has no phone and if she is in my house there is no yelling at me or anyone else, I will also not hesitate to call the police if she brakes the avo and she knows it so when she is here she is on her best behaviour, I'm told all the time that its my duty to take care of my daughter but i remind her that i legally only have to provide, shelter, food, clothing and access to an education, i wouldn't be giving your daughter any more money or letting her use the car, if she steals let her face the consequences, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind

it is so sad that we now live in a world where we are afraid of our own children.

are your kids on an anti-depressant or maybe a mood stabilzer would help. or if they are on medication then maybe these angry episodes are a side effect? or maybe they should be drug tested. my ex was a drug addict and when he wasn't using would become so violet and angry. he would steal from me in order to buy drugs. i had to call the cops many times until i finally got him to leave.

Well, the simple fact that she is 18 years old - in Michigan that makes her an adult... SOOO I would call 911 or go file a police report and have her locked up (seems like you have plenty of issues you could charge her with) !! Tough Love - make sure you FOLLOw THROUGH on it... If you keep promising to do these things and never do -- She will just keep it up and keep pushing you till you put a stop to it..

YOUR the parent take control of her butt -- Is she worth it to you, can you even save her from herself at this point?? One day not any time soon but ( when she grows up) she will thank you for it...

i totally agree with Shannon.

I think she is doing to see if you will step up and tell her that she is able to pay for themself . Yes it is out of love and respect that you allow her to use the car etc but it does not give tehm the atomatic right to this and should not take advantage and maybe time to make there own money , home , life with support and love .