I admit that I've been stressed out lately. I generally do not like to show or share most of my problems with my children, as I want to give them a semblance of a happy family life. Its tough being a single dad but I try my best. She is fifteen, and we generally have a mutually respectful fun relationship together, but last night got ugly.

They built a new high school in the area we used to live. She wanted to go to this school so I tried really hard to find a place to move in that district. I did find a place, finally, and can almost afford it. We discussed it and she agreed to help keep the place tidy and clean if we moved. So we moved the first of the month. As of yesterday her room was still in major disarray, needing both unpacking and organizing. Yesterday she 'informed' me she would not be available this weekend as she was spending the night at her girlfriends tonight, would be up all night, sleep on Saturday, have a friend over Saturday night, and sleep again on Sunday.

I got angry. I said no, you will not leave this house until your room is organized, and no one is allowed over in this mess. I will not be embarrased yet again having her friends over when her room is so terribly out of control.

So she cried and called her mom to pick her up. This is a major event as she and her mom just do not get along, not even a little. But she needed space from me, so I agreed, as long as she said she would come home today after school and work continuously on her room.

So I woke early this morning, still upset, and wrote her a letter that she'll see when she gets home. Told her I love her, that's the most important thing. Told her that I do have issues in my life that I keep from her, financial, health, family, work, and that it would not be fair to dump these problems out to her. I told her I am proud of her and the many wonderful things about her. I told her that what she said last night, in anger, is not true, I do not think she is a terrible person and can no nothing right. I never once said those types of things to her, never in my life, nor do I believe those things. But in her hurt that is honestly how she felt. So I told her I am sorry that she sees and judges me so harshly, and that I hope that was her anger and not her true feelings. I told her I wrote the letter so she could process what I ahd to say in her own time and way - she'll see it a couple of hours before I get home from work.

Of course her mom called me and tried to hurt me with this, tried to use this as an example of how I'm a bad parent and she's a good parent. I listen to her words when she calls, but I do not agree or buy into what she is saying. I don't know exactly what a good parent is, other than someone who is like the parent I wished I had had growing up. Someone loving, concerned, engaged in my life. Someone with guidance and perspective. I try to be that to my kids, and I don't feel that my ex is or ever was those things to our children.

I hope I will be back on track with my daughter tonight. I pray to God it is so.