My heart goes out to you. Yes, I was in a very similar situation. I regret not taking a stronger approach sooner. It is very easy to convince yourself to take time to see if this will work, or that will work. I would call the Juvenile Court and talk to them about how they handle drug cases. It is my experience that if you put your son on diversion, they will give him drug tests. If he tests dirty, they then will refer him to something stronger, and possible in your case send him to drug court. If they will send him to drug court if he tests dirty, that's the route I would take. But you have to do something. If you ignore it, it will only get worse. It may get worse anyway, but at least you will know that you did all you could. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

praying for you
we ourselves by the grace of god aren't dealing with this ourselves but are watching a friend's life. His son was arrested for possession and he has the same attitude I'll get off. Don't you know he did!!!!!!! our friend foolishly believes that his son was "scared straight" we all felt he didn't do enought and has pretty much b/c an enabler at this point :0(

In addition to the counselor, I would talk to a lawyer (with experience in the juvenile system) about your options....not the police. You may want to rethink contacting the police depending on the long term legal actions for your kid -- adjudication is an expensive option but necessary if he wants a job in the future...Finally, you and your husband need to be on the same page for whatever action you take!! Hang in there, this is tough!

My friend lives in the same town who went through the police to get her son into the drug court system. She said because her son "chose" to go through the court system, his record was actually expunged. He also ended up in rehab. From her description, it doesn't seem like my son is near as bad as her son was. In fact, I really don't know how much he's doing. And I also might add that the boys my friend know, who went through the Mickey Mouse diversion program - community service- are still having problems. To be honest, I am still apprehensive about going that route. I will see what the counselor says and then we may contact a lawyer. We must be careful about this. **I am working on my husband. He knows how I can get...when I have a mission. I just wish I didn't have to "fight" with him, too. It's exhausting........

You can know how much drugs someone is doing/using. When we chose to have our son tested, through his pediatrician, we were able to determine how much pot was being used (light - heavy user). We were also able to check on other substance use (fortunately no).....so if you are wondering how heavy a user your son is, check with the MD about the drug test results. Our opinion was that we would rather know the whole story and deal with it....Hope your counseling session goes well today!! Take Care.

We did have him tested a few weeks ago and he tested positive for pot but nothing else. I know that just because he tested negative for other substances doesn't necessarily mean he hasn't tried other drugs, since they don't stay in a person's system as long. My middle son told me he heard rumors that my youngest son has tried other "stuff". My youngest knows the way the testing works about how long something is in one's system. With all his connections he is drug savvy. I just wish the lab would have told us about the potency of the pot in his system. I wasn't aware of that. My husband had asked me about it and since they didn't tell me, I assumed there was no way of telling. Thank you. I will call the doctor to see if they still have the results and if they can give me more information. I am considering a hair sample test. That would give a a better picture. Thanks again!

Also keep in mind if they know they are being tested, there is a "drink" they can purchase that will flush the drugs out of the system quicker, so it's best not to let them know ahead of time they are being tested. You can find them in tattoo shops. It's amazing the things we learn as we try to educate ourselves on this subject. Best of luck to you.

For me the crappiest part of the entire drug situation is the lack of trust - constant suspicion and worry. Two years later, things seem to be going well....the counseling seemed to help him sort out his choices and friendships.....and work on regaining our trust. Ultimately learned that there was depression associated with the mix of issues.....any chance this is so for your 3rd; that he does not want to be "lumped" in with his brother?!

It certainly is looking like depression right now....same traits as my 2nd, only my second wasn't doing drugs or the sort, like my youngest is. He is a walking time bomb...crying, explosive...on the edge. It's not fun. I can't wait, and I hope he does, go to counseling with us. It's like walking on egg shells sometimes with him. He is angry with me right now because of the trust issue. We didn't give him any cash for his b-day...just gift cards. I feel bad because the gift cards didn't add up to what he normally gets. I told him he can order some clothes on-line like he usually does...but he has no interest in that. I also offered to get him gift cards to add up what he normally gets, it didn't fly. I don't know what to do. I don't know how much he is doing. What if I'm wrong? Am I damaging our relationship? I hate this. It really stinks. **Giving him cash makes me uneasy. Trying to tell him that is like talking to a brick wall. I hope this counselor works out. We need a good one. I don't have a good feel for this guy...first visit...he seemed more concerned that he would get his pay and kept looking at the clock. We've been to other therapists for my son situation and never felt like we weren't being listened to. I will give this fellow a few more visits and then I might switch.

in our state we have something called a "PINS" petition. Its when your child is skipping school,doing drugs wont listen at home etc. You go to the probation dept. in your county and file,The child has to comply with all the rules. They get just so many chances and then its juvenile hall.They work with you and your child through a difficult time....

Ps "PINS" means Persons in need of supervision.

wow.....I certainly wish our state had that program. Our son didn't come home last night. He called tonight just to let me know he won't be home tonight and maybe not tomorrow. Because we didn't give him cash for his birthday..he's upset. I didn't want to give him cash....I was advised not to. He might spend it on pot.

I've been were you are. My advice is to lay it down hard now!!!! My 36 year old brother is currently in a half-way house for addiction that led to crime. Can you image still chasing your son around until he is thirty six? You know in your heart what you need to do with this kid and one of the things I would suggest is spend more time with him. You need to hold on to your kids as long as you can. BOOK: HOLD ON TO YOUR KID, by GORDON NEUFIELD & GABOR MATTE

Go with your gut on the money. We did a thorough accounting of cash with ours...mostly to make sure he wasn't dealing. For your son try asking him what he expected for his birthday and how he was going to use the money. Be honest, the drugs are an issue and you aren't giving him cash to use for pot, etc. It's just one of those consequences of using. , However, is there something he wants that is not cash that you could shop with him for as the "big" b-day present? (Ipod, speakers, new skateboard....?)

Here's how we handled the counseling situation -- it might work for you. We had him (son) call the counselors on the insurance list. Two returned calls; one initially preferred to talk to the parent and the other to the kid...and guess which one got the thumbs us?! Even better, it turned out to be a good fit for all of us....but it took a couple of weeks of persistent calls. If the current therapist is watching the clock call him on it and if you don't like the answer, then keep looking.....I can appreciate the worry and strain you are under. Hang in there, be good to yourself!

Just got back from a 6 day vacation..spending it with our boys' cousins. It was an awesome trip...way up in God's country! As soon as we got home, though, off with his friends. He now knows that my husband and I are on the same page and told him he needs to go to counseling with us. I try and find ways to keep him with us as much as possible but always a struggle. I will get that book. I'm re-reading "Yes, Your Teen is Crazy" by Dr. Michael Bradley. I love that guy. He makes you feel like you aren't the one that is...because sometimes...it feels like it.