I'm sorry for your loss. I'm here if you need to talk.

I have two boys 15 and 20. One in high school and one in college.

Is there an uncle or grandfather or some male that your son is "cool" with?

If so, I would talk to them and see if they could just talk to your son about girls, sex, etc. Just like in a guy/casual sort of way.

If they don't have any sort of strong positive male role model in their lives, I'd suggest you start trying to find one or a few if you can. Coaches, teachers, etc. I have even requested via my kids schools since elementary school that they be placed with male teachers if at all possible. Even though my husband is alive and we are married, he travels a lot for his work and is gone much of the time.

I feel like boys need all the positive male role models they can get these days. They have it rough in today's society.

Women's lib / feminist movement has been good for girls in some ways, but has also resulted in girls being overly aggressive and with what seems like entitlement issues. As if they deserve more simply because they are girls.

Our culture has made it hard for boys to know what it means to "be a man". If they play rough they are made out to be violent bullies, if they play nice they are wusses or mama's boys or wimps. If they are smart they aren't cool, but if they're not smart they're stupid, and if they are too into sports they are jocks, if they aren't into sports they are geeks. Etc. it's ridiculous, all the labels inflicted upon our boys.

It just seems like it is a really hard time to be a boy right now. And who are supposed to be their role models? Eminem? Justin Beiber? Kanye? Please. It's horrible. And the athletes are even worse... getting caught doping or cheating on their wives or ending up in rehab, speeding around in their ridiculous cars, etc. Our politicians are slimy snakes. Who can our boys look up to?

(Personally, I love the new Pope, Thich Nhat Hanh, and the Dalai Lama... but somehow they aren't as popular with the boys today...)

Some of the best role models are dead, so that's little help.

So anyway - sorry I sort of went off on a tangent there... I would suggest seeking out male role models in your community. Start with the school and any activities they are involved in. For three years straight the biggest "guy influence" on my youngest son was his music teacher. He loved him so much he took once a week music (bass guitar) lessons every summer. It was very helpful for his growth/maturity during that time.

At this age, we (moms) can try to talk to our boys and maybe they will listen, sometimes mine do listen to me, but really it seems to be an age where they look more towards other adult role models, their peers, and older guys for clues on how they are supposed to act. What we can do as moms is try to sort of insert some positive guys into the mix and do our best to create a situation where some of the good will rub off on our boys.

I hope this makes sense. :) Good luck. Oh, and also : Personally I think it's a good thing to find condoms. At least he is being responsible! :)

my two cents are;
- 16 is too early, to do it, to make a baby, to catch a disease

if he is doing it, he won't stop for long

i told mine:
if you do it...you can make a baby just like that!
then you got 4 options (society has four)

give to adoption, abort, keep & stay single, keep & marry

what society doesn't tell you my child is that regardless of the choice, they all be with you forever and at your age that is why some people tell you to wait because you are far too young to make such a "sober" choice

even with the pill and condoms you can still make a baby!

i ended the talk with....... the time to consider the pill and condoms is before you think you'll have a need
- idealy that is far off
-reality is you might need them sooner .... you need to prevent having to base your whole life on one of the four options SO before it is time, you gotta bring it "up" no pun intended

i had that discussion with each of my kids during their 10th grade

---statistics indicate that for some kids 10th grade is late



as for values & role models, i live my values as best as possible for my kids to see, my values do not include all four options, it is sad to include all 4, but note that i didn't put it out there that the person with whom one makes a baby, that they choose a different option,


kids are young and dumb, adults do dumb things like have affairs - drink and drive...... kids are going to do dumb things as well


i feel for your circumstances, it has to be challenging for each of you
read the cartoon "zits" the teenage boy is pretty spot on, he doesn't communicate to his parents, like my brothers and i....it is pretty common for teenage boys to "go quit" with mom or dad, mine have,
yours sound more normal than not

as for what your husband would do, i can't say, i think i can guess that he may have been a good man of character and that he would consider consequences over punishment

as for you, well you have my respect, you are a Mother to your sons