Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.

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Curfew for 13 yr old boy

I got into it with my husband tonight. he was dropping our 13yr old son off at a haunted house to meet his friends around 7pm. I told my son we would get him no later than 10:30. he said 11. I said no and my husband chimed in and told me 11 is fine because they have security. I was so mad he totally contradicted me in front of our son. By the way, our son also has ADHD, the very limited impulse type as well as ODD but that has improved a great deal. I also found out very recently that one of his friends smokes pot. I am sure none of his other friends do or at least have not been caught and I am pretty sure my son has not done this as I keep a pretty close eye on him. What is your child's curfew at age 13?

Replies

lexisgirl
lexisgirl

My son is 14 and he doesn't have ADHD. I do know he went to birthday slumber party last year and was dropped off. I think they went later and probably stayed until 10 or 11. What I don't understand is after going through the haunted house, what are they going to do? 4 hours is a long time to just hang out. I do think that is where kids get in trouble. I know I did.

If it were me, I would talk to your husband about have a solid front and one parent shouldn't override the other. That said, I don't know that there is a significant difference between 10:30 and 11.

So how did it go? Was everything okay in the end?
rockym
rockym

The haunted houses in our area have several attractions that would probably take around 2 hours to get through if lines are long. I did talk to my husband. I told him most of our son's friends curfews are between 9:30 and 10:30 and I really think 10:30 is already pretty lenient. I know 30 minutes isn't that much of a difference, but it's the principle of me telling him 10:30, which it has been since school started this year and only on weekends or non school nights. I also agree that this is a situation that could present an opportunity for a bunch of 13 yr old boys to find trouble. My husband did end up picking him up at 10:30 and my son was totally fine with it. My husband works 75 hours a week, sometimes more, I think he does things like being very lenient and overcompensates our boys because of it. The oldest son is 18 so it's really not an issue, I don't want our youngest to suffer. It has taken me so long to get him in a good place behaviorwise which involved us being more firm and consistent, not to mention the thousands of dollars spent in therapy. I am afraid that will all be undone if my husband continues to do this. We also talked about that last night as well. Thanks Lexisgirl!
lexisgirl
lexisgirl

Sounds like you did the right thing and it all worked out okay. I'm glad to hear that. I'm also glad your son had a good time. It is never easy raising teens is it!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Good job sticking to your guns, Mom! My son is 15 and also has ADHD, and I think ODD, but has never been properly diagnosed. He started smoking pot, drinking and sneaking out at about 12, even though my husband and I thought we were pretty strict parents. Now, what I do, is I keep in touch with his friends parents. If they have plans to hang out somewhere I talk to the parents of his friends to make sure I have all the details. His curfew most of the time is around 11. I have let him stay out later on special occassions when they are going to a teen dance club in town, but again, myself and the other parents stay in touch and we cooridinate the rides to and from.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I'm almost 13, on school nights my mom want me home atleast at 10 and in weekends I normally come home from a friends house around 12.
When I go to concerts or something it depends on when the concert ends.
I think you and your husband should sit down with your child and ask him what he thinks are fair, and tell him what you think are fair and work something out together.
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