Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group

This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.

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mia0918tn 03/29/2015

Hi, I am reaching out in hopes that someone else has been through this and can give advice. My daughter has been on a rebellious rip for the last year and a half. I put a great deal of it down to her trying to figure things out. I thought things were getting better but she came home Saturday morning with a hangover...and I am just supposed to do nothing because everyone does it. When I talked with her today, she said she wishes I did not care and would just leave her alone. She is moving to a college dorm in 4 months and just wants to be left alone until then. I am very frustrated and do not know what to do. My husband says to take her phone and car and sell it all.

mere2 03/31/2015

i have told my son who will be 17 in a few weeks that he will be considered an adult when he is paying his own way and not a minute sooner. If he is relying on all my resources he is still a child I don't care if he is 25. Most kids wish we would leave them alone and not care. If I were you I would put a lock down on your own resources. My son has had some issues with smoking pot and other stuff, if I gave him cash I think it would be a huge issue right now but because he doesn't have a job and I don't give him money it limits his ability to get it. Good luck, this is a lot harder than I ever anticipated.

lexisgirl 03/31/2015

My son is 18. He has really been working on his independence and becoming an adult but he still is very dependent on me. Overall, we have a great relationship. I don't believe he has experimented with drugs or alcohol. We have had a few "battles" over his being 18 and wanting to do whatever he wants. I very clearly let him know that as long as he lives in my home, he must respect my rules. Those include coming home on time, getting good grades, and being helpful and respectful. If he can't follow the rules, he will need to go ahead and move out on his own. He knows he can't afford it and that would be a difficult choice.

He is leaving for college out of state this Fall. I fear for him but at this point, I can't control his choices. This is where his upbringing and values come into play. Hopefully he will stay on the straight and narrow and be successful in college.

Your daughter is wrong that everyone is getting drunk. Maybe in the circle she is hanging out in but not everyone. Did she drive after drinking? That is a very scary choice. I think kids need us even more now then when they were toddlers. It is just in a different way. We need to be more of a loving consultant then in control. It is part of them growing up and learning to make good choices.

momenttaker 04/02/2015

I highly recommend a book titled "Boundaries for Teens".

dmarcotte 04/08/2015

If she was driving after drinking I would take her car away for a specific period of time and maybe some education on the dangers of drinking and driving.

I would suggest that the reason she was so defensive is because she knows it is wrong. You don't have to respond to everything, but drinking and driving can be deadly.

It might also be a good idea to try and introduce her to some other peers, who aren't drinking - after all at 18 it is still illegal and if she is arrested it could jeapordize going to college or any finanical aid she has.

Good Luck.

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