Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
First let me say, my heart is absolutely breaking. I've tried so hard to be a good mom and my husband a good dad. So saying this out loud is very hard for me.
My daughter who is 18 and a freshman in college still lives at home and has completely regressed into a rebellious teenager! Her twitter posts have gone from positive and full of sunshine, to snarky and ugly. She's become EXTREMELY selfish. Thinks of only herself and could care less about anyone else's feelings. She does NOTHING to help the family, ignores all her chores until she's told dozens of times to do them then tells me she's an adult and I can't tell her what to do!
Now, before the advice of "kick her out" comes in to play here let me add this. She was just diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes a few months ago and is very fragile and is coping with this lifelong and very serious disease. We're all coping. She's going through a lot and it's not safe for me to try to kick her out right now. She needs her support system to keep her safe. She needs insulin, health insurance, etc. Especially at night when she's sleeping, it becomes very dangerous for her to be alone.
But she comes home past curfew (we all get up very early except for her) even when she promises "this time" she'll be on time, she trashes her room, she leaves messes around the house, lies about where she is at, speaks disrespectfully to us. it's just getting to be too much! If she wasn't dealing with this new disease diagnosis I'd give her an ultimatum but that's not where we're at right now. She seems to be regressing and trying to show that she's independent of her family. Pushing us all away and acting like she's regressed by 5 years. I'm wondering if it's because she's angry that her disease has made her more dependent on her parents? Is his normal?
She's very responsible in other parts of her life. She holds down two jobs and is a full time college student. One of her jobs is working with kids every single day. Pays her own car payment and insurance. Outside the home she's good. Then she walks in that door and is fighting for her independence but not in a good way. I'm tired of nagging and I know she's tired of hearing it. What do I do???
My daughter who is 18 and a freshman in college still lives at home and has completely regressed into a rebellious teenager! Her twitter posts have gone from positive and full of sunshine, to snarky and ugly. She's become EXTREMELY selfish. Thinks of only herself and could care less about anyone else's feelings. She does NOTHING to help the family, ignores all her chores until she's told dozens of times to do them then tells me she's an adult and I can't tell her what to do!
Now, before the advice of "kick her out" comes in to play here let me add this. She was just diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes a few months ago and is very fragile and is coping with this lifelong and very serious disease. We're all coping. She's going through a lot and it's not safe for me to try to kick her out right now. She needs her support system to keep her safe. She needs insulin, health insurance, etc. Especially at night when she's sleeping, it becomes very dangerous for her to be alone.
But she comes home past curfew (we all get up very early except for her) even when she promises "this time" she'll be on time, she trashes her room, she leaves messes around the house, lies about where she is at, speaks disrespectfully to us. it's just getting to be too much! If she wasn't dealing with this new disease diagnosis I'd give her an ultimatum but that's not where we're at right now. She seems to be regressing and trying to show that she's independent of her family. Pushing us all away and acting like she's regressed by 5 years. I'm wondering if it's because she's angry that her disease has made her more dependent on her parents? Is his normal?
She's very responsible in other parts of her life. She holds down two jobs and is a full time college student. One of her jobs is working with kids every single day. Pays her own car payment and insurance. Outside the home she's good. Then she walks in that door and is fighting for her independence but not in a good way. I'm tired of nagging and I know she's tired of hearing it. What do I do???
The college also, at 18 is tough to navigate on its own sometimes. There are so many pressures to do so much, meet new people and keep up with a new class load. Two jobs too, yikes, she sounds like she is maxxed out with things to think about that aren't good at all. And she still young and trying to figure out who she really is in this world. So blah. I get it. It's not easy parenting a teen. But it's not easy being a teen either. Maybe you two can try to spend some time together purposefully doing something fun, like a night out going to a painting party, dinner or something fun. You both need to de-stress.
In my own life, my son who is 16 is going through his own growing pains. I saw he was so stressed out too. But he was stressing me out and making me angry. Well, it's my house and last time I checked when I filled out the taxes I was the one listed Head Of Household. I told him he's listed as a DEPENDENT. Hmmm. So I'm pretty tough, strict, whatever. Luckily God showed me that he was stressed too, and also trying to find himself in his manhood. He took up fishing. There is a lake in our neighborhood. I let him go fish usually when ever he wants. It's really helped him calm down from the stress.
I sure hope you both can find something that helps you relieve your stress and see eye to eye on somethings.
All the best.
And why's she got a curfew? Staying up all night, pulling all nighters and doing stupid things with friends is pretty normal at 18.
Full time college and two jobs is a lot.
How's her grades? I'd say back off.
Maybe she has too much on her plate and needs some time to herself.
The term "regress" is a difficult one. You really don't make kids; I have three and each has their own ideas and habits none really followed my wife or me. For example, my mother is very pretty and interested in clothes, constantly talking about fashion trends, something my brother and I had little interest. Interestingly, seeing my clothes don't matter persona, my son became extremely fashion-conscious and had a suit bespoke tailored which involved completed redoing the suit.
How perfect do you need your daughter to be?