Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
It's been a rough few years... forgive me while I go into a truncated background. After two years of Public Middle school, one of which he failed and one where he excelled, my school-loathing son kept having meltdowns and ended in a crisis center a few times at the beginning of the current school year, end result being that he moved into my parents house on the week days and homeschooled this year. With High school looming next year, we have had several discussions and decided he will function better in a more interactive environment, i.e. go back to regular classroom. He has already explicitly told me he intends to drop out, and regularly does his routine of 'You can't make me' on other areas.
I have very little to hold over his head, I can turn off his phone but I can't wrest it from him, he's too big and strong.He doesn't keep many friends I can ground him from. He respects my dad more than me. My dad is much better at winning arguments.
I'm considering threatening with boarding school if he doesn't comply, but truth is, I can't afford it. Is it
Does anyone have any other suggestions?
I have very little to hold over his head, I can turn off his phone but I can't wrest it from him, he's too big and strong.He doesn't keep many friends I can ground him from. He respects my dad more than me. My dad is much better at winning arguments.
I'm considering threatening with boarding school if he doesn't comply, but truth is, I can't afford it. Is it
Does anyone have any other suggestions?
One of them chose to allow their son to drop out of school once he earned his GED. What she told me was that she sat down with him and just basically said, "Look, I know you hate school and want out. Get your GED and you're done!" So he did. I think she said there was a night school class he took to prepare for his GED, then he took his GED, passed it, and was done. He does artwork now in the community - he paints on the glass windows for stores and does signage and stuff like that. He seems very happy and is definitely in a better place than when he was forced to deal with high school every day.
The other friend enrolled her son in a military academy. This really surprised me when she told me, because she is a long-time hard-core practicing Buddhist. I mean, when we got for walks she's all "Let's chant!" and we om mani padme om for two hours sometimes as we walk. :)
But our city has a public non-profit military academy (here's a link: http://www.willametteleadershipacademy.net/ ) and so she sent him there. He did well for two years. But then he got involved with a group of kids outside the school who were into drugs. He dropped out and was arrested and it's been a big mess for her since. :( For most kids it really seems to whip them into shape, though. She is very liberal, and gives him a lot of freedom. She never disciplined him, and I think at first when he was at the school he found security in the structure of the school. But she still allowed him a lot of freedom - staying out all night, sleeping over with people she didn't even know, etc. And that's when he got into trouble with drugs.
Anyway - some kids simply don't do well in public school. What are the alternatives in your area? Any charter schools? Have you called the district to see what your other options are?
Also in our city is a partial college option for students who are at risk of dropping out. They meet at the local community college and take some classes that actually earn them college credit. They are completing high school while also getting their foot in the college doors. This seems to work for a lot of students, too, who aren't doing well in their high school environments. It inspires them and shows them that there is life after high school but you gotta do the work to get there. :)
We also have two different tuition-free online public schools. Some kids prefer to do the online school because you go at your own pace, you can do it from home or anywhere you have internet connectivity, and you receive more individualized attention. I tried to talk my younger son into this option because his high school is ginormous and I felt he would receive better instruction and a better education this way, but he chose to stick with the traditional brick and mortar high school experience.
In our city, a parent can be fined daily by the district if your child is truant, or skipping. It doesn't seem very fair to me, but that's how it is. Maybe this is why our city has so many alternatives, I dunno.
My youngest starting argueing school last year as a junior.going on and on about how ridiculous and umimportant it was.Turned out there was alot of underlying anxiety he was experiencing.anxiety can be a huge reason in what seems to be non-understandable behaviours.
He was in crisis you said..was there any follow-up counseling and what do his couselors suggest/ it could be that if he has any mental health issues causing that much distress,that he'd do better being home-schooled,if thats a possibility.
I also used to tell my kids that i'd get in trouble if they didnt go to school and have to talk to a judge,which they didnt want me to have to do.so that got them to school.