Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
I always thought my 15 year old was a kind, gentle kid with a good heart. He had tons of friends, played sports, did well in school. But in the middle of 8th grade, he stopped socializing, quit sports and began playing an online first person shooter video game pretty much non-stop aside from going to school. Throughout his Freshman year in high school, I kept telling him to find another interest and to spend time with friends but he refused. His grades are still good but he is spending 6-8 hours playing a violent and vulgar video game. This week, I decided to pull the plug on his internet use and he has become a person I don't recognize. He cussed at me in a way that I am ashamed to even say and called me all the names in the book and told me that he doesn't think of me as a parent and repeatedly tells me to go the f*** away. He called me a bitch, a cunt and a piece of shit. I initially chalked it up to pure anger at not having his game addiction any longer but he hasn't let up and hasn't shown any remorse. He has now stolen the modem cord so that noone in the house has internet and he refuses to put it back. I'm at my wit's end now. I don't want to make the situation worse and I don't want the attitude and bad air between us to continue but I don't know what to do about it at this point. Any advice please?
The closest thing I can relate to is when I was so depressed I'd want to stay in bed. If anyone forced me out of bed, I'd get really angry at them. I would never cuss at a family member, but I cursed them in my mind! Same thing with video games. I was addicted to games for a short time in middle school, and it was a different scenario, but there was some cord-hiding between me and my mom.
In my case, though, she gave in and just let me be depressed and play games. It sounds like your son needs some kind of help but, of course, he also needs compassion and understanding which it sounds like you are doing your best to give him!
I'm new here but a somewhat seasoned parent of 2 boys (one recently married). My now 17 year old went through some similar behaviors from 13-15. I had to get him in counselling. He threatened not to go, "F--- You! Somethings wrong with you not me! Dad says so!" Well, this as you may have guessed, followed a bitter divorce, in which his father chose to spend his valuable time with his son, bad-mouthing me. (That's by my son's account, not mine.) My son needed me. The gaming was ok for short bits of time, but not hours and hours. I had begun to notice serious attitude issues after he would spend too much time in the zone. His attitude and disengaging from family wasn't all that was happening, I noticed a darkening in him. He went to counselling and found that he appreciated talking to his counselor. He learned that I didn't want to control him. I wanted to empower him to be a man. What I learned is that this is a coming of age time for boys, and with just myself and him in the home, he was confused and hurt. He just wanted to zone out. He was able to tell me that he didn't want to live anymore, he blamed himself for the divorce, "if you guys didn't have me....." Doesn't matter the reason he thought, it's never true. But what he needed to focused on was his transition from being a boy to becoming a man. He had to learn communication. So did I. I already was a decent communicator, but I had to learn his language, and he mine. We addressed his depression together, and his gaming became obsolete eventually. He joined the football team in High School to get aggressions out appropriately. This is where he grew in comradery. Young men he could connect with. He didn't stay on the team all the way through high school, but he eventually started helping others go through similar situations that he did. He became a man. My son can now recite my creed to him when I give him that MOM look: "I know Mom, you aren't in my life to be my friend, you here to make me a good man." With love and strength and positive encouragement, they still grow and evolve. You are the parent. This is when he needs you the most.