Parenting Teenagers (12-18) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of teenagers (12 to 18 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development.
First of all, my husband is not the biological father to my stepson. He is the only father that has ever been in this kids life since he was 1 year old, so really the only issue here is not having a legal obligation or any rights that a biological parent would have. We've been married for 5 years and my husband seems to have a relatively good relationship with his ex. We have my ss here every other weekend, one or two days after school, and on some holidays. It was rough at first, but I made sure J knew that I wasn't trying to replace his mom and I wasn't going to force him to like me. And I made it a point to have both family things going on as well as things that were just him and my husband so J would realize I wasn't trying to steal his dad away neither. 3 years later and the boy starts opening up to me and treating me like I belong in his family. But, here we are at that wonderful age where puberty comes in and turns even the sweetest kids into some sort of Jekyl and Hyde remake. J has been caught stealing, lying, downloading hardcore porn, and either argues or whines when it comes to doing anything other than playing the PS3 or being on the computer. We've had talks with him, especially since most of the things he takes are mine, and we try to let him know he can come to us with questions or whatever. But lately, his attitude is driving me crazy! I know most of it is from him getting older, but the stress of having him around is almost too much at times! Especially when my husband and I are trying to conceive our first child together and are having some difficulties there due to my having PCOS. I try to be patient, but sometimes I just want to ban the kid from entering my home because he stressed me out so much during the time he was here! Which is why I decided to join this group. I'm hoping there are others out there who have dealt with similar situations either in step children or your own children. At least this way I won't feel so alone when I'm trying to deal with J and knowing that this is only the beginning!
My son (who is normally a good kid) is 13 too. I only have him every other week but I have got to say it is a LOOONNNGGGG week! In the last 3 or 4 months he has also some sort of Jekyl and Hyde remake. haha!
I guess the only advice I can offer is be patient. I hear they grow out of it. ;)
He is definitely at the age where he is "finding himself" but that stage does not entail lying and stealing. He has incorporated these actions beyond the normal "tween" stage of development. My question would be how involved is your husband in his actions? As a step-parent myself, I have found myself so overwhelmed and I decided to step back and let my husband deal with his children. However, one thing I did not allow was to be disrespected. My own children do not do it and neither will they. I have had to take my own stance in showing what is allowed in our home and at first my step-daughter felt as if she was in control of the adults. Well, I did not buy into her actions or her smart attitude and simply ignored her. She then started wondering if I liked her. It had nothing to do with that, I just was not going to let her run me. We know get along great. You said that your ss only takes your things. That is probably because he feels like he can and that you do not have a right to tell him what he can or cannot do. That is when dad needs to set him straight. If he sees you and his dad stand as one he will see that he will not win.