Hi Steve,

In my opinion, it is always important that children know there are consquences for every one of their actions. So, yes there needs to be some punishment, and it needs to be enough that she'll think twice before doing this again. Explain to her that not only did her actions undermine your trust in her (and how that affects her freedoms) but also the safety issue...what can happen to a young girl out alone at night...or alone with a male "friend" (he could have hurt her even though he's a "friend").

Secondly, I think it's wonderful that you are talking with her. Make sure you also LISTEN a lot. Communication is so important! Especially in the teen years.

Her telling you that she needs someone to talk to may be a cry for help. Don't wait for her to "ask for it" because that most likely won't happen. Remember, teens are very awkward and think they are the only ones feeling what they are feeling. And since she said to you she needs someone to talk to, that might have been her way of asking! Either that, or it was just a good excuse to see the boy. Either way, you're gonna call her bluff and get her help :) You just have to make sure you find someone who is a good fit. My daughter went through several (she's 17) until this counselor. She's female and looks very young for her age, which I think makes the teens more comfortable.

Divorce is very hard on kids, and she may have feelings of anger, guilt or blame for herself...even if she denies it. I would seriously think of getting her some counseling so she can work through these feelings effectively and so that she will be less likely to act them out in her later teens, through drugs, drinking, sex or other risky behavior.

Hope this helps :)

Joy

BTW...I think keeping her in church is important. Many times, prayer or being involved in a church youth group is a "safe haven" or at a minimum, a solid foundation when the rest of your world is falling around you. I wouldn't take that support system away from her, especially now.

I'll tell you this is ithe first time you caught her not the first time she snuck out.
You better get her birth control.
Good luck
Joe

I would be talking to her about sex and birth control too

I have no advice, but certainly feel your pain. The birth control discussion is difficult. After I took mine to get birth control, I could hardly look at her for days. But we got through it and so will you.

I agree with keeping her in church. Finding a counselor is a good idea too. Do you have EAP at your work?

I'm not a parent yet, but I was that girl when I was 13. My parents were somewhat in the same place you are, but they were fully divorced. I was more "acting out" because of my mom's new husband. But anyway, back to the point. Grounding "forever" is pretty severe and you shouldn't hold this over her head for a really long time because she will learn from her mistakes but will resent you if you hold it above her. Grounding on the other hand is appropriate. It's just up to you how long you want to make the punishment.

As for counseling, you should probably take her to see someone. It has helped me a ton over the years. She may say she doesn't want to go, but if she is sneaking out to talk about her feelings to someone, she really does need to go.

Also, sneaking out at 2:30 to talk about her feelings to someone probably isn't the whole truth. She could have talked to him during the day. But at 2:30 it's a different story. You should probably talk to her about sex, birth control, and the consequences of it all. She may think it's no big deal if that is what she is doing, but coming from a soon to be teen mom, it is huuuuuuuge.

Try sitting down and having a heart to heart with her. Don't talk to her, talk with her. She may open up.

I hope this helps. I'm 17 now but was in the same place she is just a few years ago.

Hi there, sorry to hear about all that. My two cents is this, I used to sneak out when I was young & I'll tell u why. My parents were so strict, and did not trust us or I should say place much trust in us that I know of, my mom was domineering & my dad went along w/ it. We weren't allowed to go places w/ out extreme boundaries so we ended up taking it upon ourselves, for me mostly I just wanted the "experiences" because all I'd ever known was "staying home." It was exciting but even as I knew it was wrong, not something I really wanted to do to disobey, it was almost b/c I needed those adventures to make up for what I felt I was lacking, socially.
UNFORTUNATELY, the people we snuck out to be with were WAY older GUYS! with CARS! who should've known better than to pick up underage girls in the middle of the night!!! So my caution from someone who was there once is this, she may not think of sneaking out as anything but an exciting adventure (not really trying to upset u) but whomever is involved w/ it, probably has alterior motives in aiding her, such as those who prey on young naive girls. I hope to God it doesnt happen, obviously, but it did happen to me :( and now would be a good time to find out WHY she wants to do and maybe find a different hobby. I know for a fact that if my energies were put to something interesting & positive then, I sure as heck wouldn't be bored enough w/ my life that I'd go along w/ sneaking out my bedroom window, not knowing that in all the "fun" I'd get taken advantage of. God bless U & her! Hope this becomes a turning point for you both for the better! :) I wish my parents had.

Much time has passed since she snuck out. At the time she was living with her mother, but starting in December 08 she moved in with me. Her mother has always been very tough on her. I am strict, but not tough, i'll lesten and talk, and don't treat her like an underling. I think that my daughter's stress is way down now. She is doing much better in school, A's and B's. She has been recommended for honors classes next year. I am very happy and proud for her. Her now positive attitude is wonderful to see, and it is heer motivation, not mine. I just provide her an environment where she can relax and pursue her life.

I;m not saying its all a bed of roses, but I am saying that things are looking much better. Thanks to everyone who has commented!

Happy Easter!