Parenting Preschoolers (3-5) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of preschoolers (3 to 5 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development. Join to share your stories and get advice.
I know this may not be the right forum to post this, but other going thru or may have had this experience may relate and can help me. I am at a complete loss and with all that is going on I give up. I just can't take the stress anymore. Basically, I need help with my kids. They are acting out and it's only progressively getting worse. I try to discipline them and I basically get no or little help from their dad (we are divorced and living in the house for now). I tried today to nip the 3 year old's behavior in the bud, and he didn't say one word, which started me yelling at him that he needs to do something to back me up. Basically the 2 kids ages 7 and 3 need counseling, I believe, but I am wondering if any other parenting styles may work for the younger. I have tried time-outs, yelling, taking things away, last resort a spanking, but nothing is working. The child is angry and probably picks up on what is going on at home. We have no other kids for him to play with and I work long hours so doing it after work/school is really not much of an option. He is in daycare and is around kids his age. I don't know. I am just at a freaking loss. I picture the future and it doesn't look good if I can't get it under control. I am embarassed and was not brought up the way the kids are portrayed. He was a kind child a year ago and now he's three, and all hell has broken out. The 7 year old craves attention and since his younger brother came about, he has gotten worse...constantly picking on him, goading him, which in turn gets the 3 year old fighting with him. This goes on all day.
If someone has any advice or can please help me. I am looking for agencies but I don't know where to turn anymore. Thank you.
If someone has any advice or can please help me. I am looking for agencies but I don't know where to turn anymore. Thank you.
I think the child needs some loving reassurance and acceptance. The anger is a secondary emotion in the child...perhaps to combat a sense of worthlessness that he or she cannot understand. It could also be a portion of the anger turned inward...anger of being overshadowed by the other children.
Only you could make that call, if any of this were true.
Are the kids having behavior issues in the classroom/ daycare? If not, find out what the teacher is doing regarding setting limmits, expectations and discipline.
I have some of the same issues with my son. I have found that giving him certain responsibilies (self care) helps. I also learned that my kid responds better to a reward system rather than "suffering consequences. Know what your kids value (wht is their "currency". and work that into the discipline. Rather than take it away, put it in terms of Earning the privalage of having it. It almost sounds like a bribe, but this way also teaches responsibility.
Pick your battles too. One of the many "battles" I have is Morning routines and getting ready for work and school. I took and idea fromone of my cousins who has a daughter the same age. It is working for the most part.
If my son can get himslf ready inthe morning by a certain time (I set a timer) He can have a bite size piece of chocolate. This really has worked wonders. Does it work every morrning? No. But it has done two VERY important things
1. It stopped the fighting and yelling (for the most part).
2, He has learned to take responsibilty for his actions. He does not argue with me about the Candy kiss. If he is not ready by the time that timer goes off, he knows he does not get the Kiss. I was amazed that he stopped arguing. He argues over EVERYTHING!
And you know something else, I realized, that even the mornings he has earned the chocholate, he forgets to eat it. After 2 years of this practice, He usually tends to only remember the days the days he has not earned it. It is the only time of the day he accept my NO as 'no' without arguing.
AND , for your own sanity, DO NOT expect back up from te Ex. The kids will learn that each of you have a different set of expectations from them. It sucks. It is confusing to them, so I agree with Tigerpaws regarding reasurance and accepatance.
Go with your gut. ((((((LLMT))))))
Like you my stbx does not help. We live in different home though. he tells me that when our son is with him he does not act that way. I do not know.
I would not suggest you yell at him or at his dad (in front of him). The hardest thing to do but it will pay off. You ar basically the one that dicipline and as a mother it will hurt you to punish them but just think about their future.
A friend of mine will give a daughter peanut butter jelly sandwich at dinner while everyone else have a full course meal for misbehaving. and again he is eating just not what everyone else is.
sounds cruel and harsh, but she said' that's what they eat in jail and if she continues like this that is what she will eat.
I believe in taking away privilages away. and talking to them. If they continue to misbehave then keep thinking about new ways that they will listen. Good luck.