Parenting Preschoolers (3-5) Support Group
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My daughter has been having these crazy crying tantrums lately. Just wondering if this is typical for her age. She will cry at all kinds of things small and big if she doesn't get her way. If I say no to a sugar drink but yes she can have milk - she cries and cries about not getting her sugar drink. I don't give in most of the time... but when she cries constantly about everything... sometimes I do give in. The other night she had a full bowl of ice cream and asked for more. I said no. She cried and cried... I was like you haven't even eaten what you have. I bought her a few new outfits for Kindergarten - instead of saying she liked them she said I want new toys and then cried. I told her later that she needed to be grateful for what she has... that lots of kids don't have what she does... wrong of me? I don't want her to feel like she has to be beholden to me/husband... we try timeouts - she cries and cries to not be put in and won't go and sit... have to argue about that. Then also try taking away a toy... cries and cries about that.... Lately she has taken to saying we don't like her... "you hate me" and "I'm stupid" - where does this come from? Daycare? Society? TV? My husband and I don't talk like this...
This developed when she was 3 and she's 5 now. I can say is it only worked when my husband and I both decided something had to be done. I tried on my own but it back fired.
These are the steps we took:
1 stopped buying her treats - even dollar store, happy meals, etc. They don't cost much so they're tempting, but instead if we wanted to treat good behavior we gave her more pats on the back, asked her how good it felt to feel proud of herself, told her how good it makes others feel, etc. and concentrated on that
2 We laid out our expectations, put words in her mouth and explained the consequences.
For the tantrums we'd say no more tantrums including fake crying (we explained why little ones throw tantrums, they're too young to communicate what's bothering them, but she's old enough therefore we know she's capable of using her words).
For the snippy attitude we explained that it's impolite and it doesn't make others feel nice. We also had to put words in her mouth. For example if she said something rudely or whine like "no blueberries, yuck"... we'd say "no thank you, try again" in a stern but not mad voice. we'd ask "how can you say that using polite and nice words? Please try again" ... if she stayed quiet we would say "you can say, no thank you daddy, I do not want blueberries today, I prefer mangos... go for it, I want to hear you say it" If she stayed silent we'd or continued to say it rudely we'd give her a warning and remind her that if she doesn't comply she's getting a consequence.
3 Gave her good behavior to model after and changed our attitudes - We stopped getting angry as we realized it fueled the bad behavior. We pretended like her bad behavior didn't bother us. Spoke in a calm, assertive tone of voice, even slowed down our pace hoping it would calm her. If you feel like you've got it figured out, she's going to trust in your guidance more.
In the mist of her losing her cool we ensured she had good strategies for calming down (take a deep breath, stop what you're doing and look at my face. Listen to my words, etc.)
It took a few weeks and months but I can honestly see a positive attidute in our daughter. She seems happier and more full of life. She's even saying " I love you more, thanking us more and paying us compliments" which feels like we're finally doing something right
I hope this helps :0)