Parenting Preschoolers (3-5) Support Group
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I have a 4 years old nephew who have caused a lot of stress to our family for the past 2 months, since he started kindergarten. Just for background information, he is staying together with us in a big family, consist of my his parents (his father is my brother), grandparents (my mum and dad), my sisters and myself.
What happened was he would cry/scream very badly every morning when his parents leave for work. He would behave the same also during the weekends when he couldn't see his parents around. This happened since 2 months ago, when he started kindergarten. Not only he would cry, but he would also repeatedly ask the same question on when his parents would be coming back from work (I tell you, he could be asking this same question for more than 100 times in the same morning!).
Initially we thought that he might not like school, but somehow we called up his teachers in kindergarten, his teachers commented that he was very obedient in school and behave very normally. When he comes back from school every day, he would return to normal, although ocassionally still missing his parents, but there is no more crying/screaming.
This situation has been persistent EVERY DAY for 2 months now. His crying and screaming is really bad and getting to our nerves. We have tried many ways to reassure him that his parents are not leaving him, he needs to do away with his tantrum if he wants people to love him, etc. He seems to agree and listen to what we said every time when he is back to normal but the next morning, he would be back to square one. When he starts his tantrum, that is the time that he won't listen to any explanation and it's really frustrating for us.
Anybody knows what can we do? Is this a normal phase of a kid? I found that sometimes distracting his attention would help a little, but we just couldn't figure out how to distract his attention for long.
Really appreciate if anybody can help, as all of us are under high stress nowadays....thanks a lot in advance...
What happened was he would cry/scream very badly every morning when his parents leave for work. He would behave the same also during the weekends when he couldn't see his parents around. This happened since 2 months ago, when he started kindergarten. Not only he would cry, but he would also repeatedly ask the same question on when his parents would be coming back from work (I tell you, he could be asking this same question for more than 100 times in the same morning!).
Initially we thought that he might not like school, but somehow we called up his teachers in kindergarten, his teachers commented that he was very obedient in school and behave very normally. When he comes back from school every day, he would return to normal, although ocassionally still missing his parents, but there is no more crying/screaming.
This situation has been persistent EVERY DAY for 2 months now. His crying and screaming is really bad and getting to our nerves. We have tried many ways to reassure him that his parents are not leaving him, he needs to do away with his tantrum if he wants people to love him, etc. He seems to agree and listen to what we said every time when he is back to normal but the next morning, he would be back to square one. When he starts his tantrum, that is the time that he won't listen to any explanation and it's really frustrating for us.
Anybody knows what can we do? Is this a normal phase of a kid? I found that sometimes distracting his attention would help a little, but we just couldn't figure out how to distract his attention for long.
Really appreciate if anybody can help, as all of us are under high stress nowadays....thanks a lot in advance...
My DD exhibits separation anxiety on a milder level occasionally...especially when she changed daycares or daycare rooms.
What helps most is first to have a set pattern to go through at the same time each morning. Add extra attention and some kind of treat or choice if possible...DD likes to pick a healthy little snack in the car on the way and gets to pick it out or likes to choose her own outfit (from a few choices that I give her so its not a big production). I try to be playful & cheerful in the morning and if she's resistant sort of distract and jolly her through it to keep things moving.
At the time to leave, we have a good bye ritual that changes occasionally. Waving good bye while a teacher or someone is with them can help, especially if they can watch you out the window. Do it quickly bc usually the child will calm down as soon as the parent is out of sight. Let the child know exactly how/when they will come home or be picked up. I often promise another fun activity or treat for after school.
It sounds like maybe your nephew has had some major changes to cope with and also doesn't see his parents very much. Some sort of family counseling or at least addressing the source of his anxiety...having his parents set up regular "quality time" activities for him to look forward too or for others in your family to make a special effort to help him feel loved and secure would help.
:)Dee