I agree with Shanny -- you absolutely can NOT spoil a baby that age. They NEED something from you...that's why they cry. Either they are cold/hot, or scared and need comfort, or maybe gassy and their tummy hurts, etc. It is a rough adjustment at first, but it DOES GET BETTER! Honestly -- enjoy the time cause when they get mobile in a few months, you won't get as many cuddles in.

I dont think he is spoiled either. I read once that you cant even spoil a baby in the first 3 months. There were many nights when I pulled my own son into bed with with me just to be able to get a few extra hours of sleep and I remember my Mom woul always yell at me that I would regret that. She is the the thinking that you can spoil a baby and that if I continued it he would never get used to his crib or bassinet. But he did great!! He sleeps 10-12 hours a night in his crib and he is 9 months old now. In the beginning he fell asleep on my for every nap and for bed time and my husband and I were constantly holding him. We couldnt get enough of him. (Still cant :) I would always try and transfer him to his bassinet but there were many time where he just wasnt having it!!! Yo are doing a great job!!! And SHanny is right...it does get easier!!!!

Thank you ladies. I really needed to hear that.

No, no! He's not spoiled. He's a newborn. Of course, he wants to be with you and held and soothed. All of the more independent things will come with time and a little training. Until about a week ago, I always had to rock my 9-month old to sleep. It may be that yours is a little fussy. Mine cried all the time when she was younger. Finally at about 6.5 months, she gained some independence and was happier. Remember your little one was held 24/7 in the womb. He's still adjusting. Not all of us get blessed with easy-going babies who go to sleep on their own or are happy just to stare at a wall for an hour. Mine kept me very busy, but now I have nicely toned arms!

Hey Quin,

Just like I said the other day when I was talking to you.....my baby is doing the same thing. We seem to have to hold him all the time now or he's not happy. Alot of times at night I have to hold him to get him to sleep. And then when I feed him in the middle of the night I have to hold him again to get him back to sleep. He's not content with me putting him down. And with our boys being the same age, I just wanted you to know this is normal and you're not spoiling him. I can remember my older sons being the same way.

But like everyone else said......it will get easier in time. Newborns need LOTS of attention and being held. I know it can be hard though. Some days I feel like that's all I do and can't even get dressed or get my teeth brushed until afternoon.....lol!

Hang in there, he'll be out of newborn stage before ya know it! I just wanted to let ya know that I'm right there with ya!

-Niki

He's only three weeks old so I doubt he's spoiled already, but I disagree that a baby can't be spoiled as a younger baby.

I also used to have the same thoughts running thru my head, esp. after some well-meaning busy ppl reminded me to take care to not spoil him too much! i used to try to sleep train him to be in his crib from birth, I used the cry i out technique (which I regret until today) and the Ferber method...and I feel horrible now for ever having been so dumb.

Remarkably, it is only now with my 4th that i really, truly, am learning to "read" babies, to interpret their every little moves, and to understand what is going on.

My oldest, now 7, tells me that yes, he knows if the baby cries, there is ALWAYS a reason. It could be that they have a wet or poopy diaper, that they are hungry, too hot, too cold, need to burp or other tummy pain, teething pain, or in need of physical contact.

IMO, babies under 6 mths should NEVER sleep alone this is not
necessarily in your bed, but at least in your own room, so you can keep a close eye on them.


However, I have and do bed-share, and find that it works wonders, esp. if you are breastfeeding. There are safe ways to share you bed, making it I think even safer than cribs in many instances (look at all the recent crib recalls). There are important safety rules to follow, though, or bed-sharing can also be extremely dangerous if not practiced safely! If you would like, send me a pm with your e-mail address, and I can mail you an electronic booklet on this from UNICEF.

I also used to set limits, thinking by 6 wks, by 6 mths, 12 mths, 2 yrs, etc.....he is "old enough", should not be crying anymore, etc, and that I should make xure to not 'spoil him" .

I realise now that that is totally ridiculous. I think that babies have no concept of being spoiled. The only real way they have of being able to communicate is by crying, since they cannot speak! So yes, if they cry, there is a reason! And bear in mind that babies were made to be held close by their parents...that is why they are so dependent on us...not like a baby foal, for example, who is up and about withing hours of birth.

Frequent interaction between baby and you is also important for proper brain development.

If this is all true at 6 wks, I personally do not think it will change at 6 mths or 12 mths or 2 yrs....It is the same!

The same way a five year old also always has a good reason to cry if he cries....

Keep in mind one very important thing. THe sooner you respond to your baby's cries (or even if you respond BEFORE he stats to cry) the better: the sooner you respond, the sooner he will calm down = more peace and quiet for all.
OneAnd this applies, imo, even as they get older.

My pedi told me that if they cry then they want something. Your are not spoiling him, your being his mommy. If he cries at 3 weeks he wants something. Even if that is just your touch. My pedi said your are pretty save until they are 6-7 mths. At that point you need to start breaking the habits as they are starting to remember things by then. Take care and enjoy your little man he won't be that little for that long.

I don't believe you can hold a newborn too much or spoil a young baby. My son is 12 weeks and I can remember him 4wks old crying & crying in Target one day and Babies r Us another. What helped me to get through was reminding myself that he was saying "Mom, this is all so new to me. I don't know what hot is, what cold is, what hungry is, what gas is, mom I'm new to all this, comfort me" This is my 3rd child and I forgot how many things a newborn has to adjust to...light, sounds, smells, etc. In time your baby will feel safe when laid down, for now cherish the little baby you get to cuddle! They get big sooooo fast. When you need to lay baby down try swaddling or a cradle swing. Lay baby down very slowly, keeping your hand firm on the abdomen for a few minutes after putting bay down, slowly lifting your hand off. It's a tachnique that takes practice, so be patient. BTW you will get rest again!