Parenting Big Kids (5-8) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of big kids (5 to 8 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development. Join to share your stories and get advice.
My daughter has always been strong willed. She's an angel in school. Every time we say NO or she doesn't get her way, a full on fit. Everything is a battle. We've tried positive charts, a money system, a prize system. Nothing sticks. At this point, we are taking away toys every time...and I have even spanked her a few times- which I did not want to resort to. Any Adivce is super appreciated!!
First, I'm sorry that you are experiencing this with your daughter. I think I know what you mean. I have literally said to my kids, "What shall I take away from you to get you to listen to me?" It sucks to feel like a crappy parent all the time.
I have a 6-year-old boy who has similar tendencies. I also have an older child (13) and he was NOT like this. So, I believe this is at least in part a personality emerging. And, in fact instead of calling it "strong willed" I actually think it is weak willed, because he literally cannot stop himself while in the midst of a tantrum. What I have tried to work on is not getting drawn into the argument that he is having with himself or life. I think that when he is doing this he is trying to express frustration or hurt of some kind and he is too young/immature (or sometimes too tired) to cope in another way. One thing that has helped is I exhale, sit down on the stairs or the ground (so I am shorter than he is) and ask him for a hug. He doesn't always accept this olive branch, but when he does, 100% of the time he starts to sob. I whisper that I love him and to get it all out (i.e., encourage the release of his frustration in the form of tears) until he is done. Then I try to talk about it in a reasonable and rationale way.
I'm not sure if this is helping him at all, but I hope that if he can see that he is actually hurt or sad or exhausted he will be better able to help himself navigate through the feelings next time rather than lashing out at me or the world. At a minimum, I know it is FAR preferable for me to feel that I am doing my best to help my son by being on his team rather than that I am yelling or just punishing with no change. He might continue the behavior, but that is true whether I am yelling or hugging, so there is little I am risking by trying. And, if I am hugging him, I know at least our relationship is not being battered in the process.
I hope that helps at least a little. Good luck!!