Parenting Big Kids (5-8) Support Group

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Hateful words - Don't care attitude

xjanedoe
xjanedoe
My Daughter has been having a rough time lately. The situation with her Father is very hard on her. Right after Chrismas she began to develope a vocabulary of hateful words. So far I have heard, "I hate you", You are a mean Mother", "Go away!", and told a friend who was visiting "you shouldn't have come." Is this age appropriate? She will be turning 5 at the end of February. I am at my wits end because on one hand I understand her frustrations and sadness can be a part of this new attitude but on the other hand I can't let her think that this is acceptable behavior. It's like all of a sudden I have lost control of my child. She fights me endlessly on everything! I will tell her she can't do something or have something and I will explain why but she keeps on demanding over and over again. Not asking, DEMANDING! I never give in and I always follow through so it's not like she has learned that I'll cave if she pushes. I do know that her Father is EXTREMELY strict so maybe she is revolting against him through me? Anybody out there that has any advice for me at all???!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I hear it is the age for that, especially for mother/daughter relations.
Also, it is a negative attention getter. My son has done the same thing, and once we solved the attitude, it travelled to schoolwork, then housework, then etc....
The therapist hasn't explained why kids enjoy negative attention. He does get positive attention. I think negative attention may be easier to get, almost a guarantee.
We got him to chill out a little when he was 7 by making him write. It was a punishment he did not like. He had to write positive things or a lesson from the bible. His attitude improved, but he still has his moments when we can see he wants bad attention.
Good Luck!
xjanedoe
xjanedoe
Well that makes me feel better!! It's hard being single and raising a child, you never know what is happening on the other end!
deleted_user
deleted_user
oh, and it gets worse when he comes back from visitation with his dad. It takes us about a week to get him back to normal, then we have a good week, then it starts over again. It is very frustrating.
deleted_user
deleted_user
MY son has bee doing ALOT of the same thing. Bad behior means time in this room, no carttons, no dessert and if relly tkaes it too far, very early bedtime. I have been wondering if he is having a hard time coping will my illness. I'm fine 1 minte but not the next, or at least that is how child may view. I am lookin for a good thraoist fo r this
deleted_user
deleted_user
MY son has bee doing ALOT of the same thing. Bad behior means time in this room, no carttons, no dessert and if relly tkaes it too far, very early bedtime. I have been wondering if he is having a hard time coping will my illness. I'm fine 1 minte but not the next, or at least that is how child may view. I am lookin for a good thraoist fo r this
deleted_user
deleted_user
It has to be hard for a child to go from one home to the next every week. They have a lot to deal with, especially when they are young like your daughter, and really have no other outlet other than their words. My sisters daughter is the same way. She is with her father every other weekend and when they first seperated he would feed all kinds of poisonous phrases to her regarding her mother. He went so far as to ask her what her mother was up to and who she was seeing at any given time. To put a child in the middle like that and then pump her for information is inexcusable. Anyway, when she comes home from her father's house she is very unmanagable and very moody. How do you change this for a child who has only her words and actions to show how her own turmoil with this momentus change in her life is affecting her. I think your best bet is to not acknowlege the words when she says them and just be there when she needs your love and comfort the most. Encourage her to talk about her feelings when you find an opening to do so. She may feel that she is not aloud to express her emotions about what has happened between you and your ex-husband. And by the way my son has done the same thing in the past and for him the only thing that worked was to tell him that when he says those things it hurts my feelings, he would always apologize, all children have empathy for someone elses feelings especially their mothers. Just remember she is dealing with a lot of turmoil just as you are and she needs time to understand and adjust to the situation.