Parenting Big Kids (5-8) Support Group
This community is focused on the joys, challenges and concerns faced by parents of big kids (5 to 8 year olds). The major areas of child development include: physical development, perception and sensory development, communication and language development, cognitive development, emotional development and social development. Join to share your stories and get advice.
My husband just undercut my authority over my boy and believed his story over mine when I called on his help to discipline my son for kicking at me. I don't come up with ideas myself very well when situations arise, so I often "tell"on the child to his father. After tonight, I realized I really need to stop doing that, so I'd like to know what you all do when your children act out. He's 7. Is he still in the right age frame for a "time out?" He doesn't seem to care if I send him to his room. I don't want to spank. I've also read that confiscating TV time and video-game time only heightens the importance of those things in their mind and to try to avoid using those to punish/reward.I know I tend to be negative in general. I have a lot of repressed anger and the children pick up on this (I have 2). I've heard that it's good to give choices, "you can choose to kick at me and go to your room for a while [how long is appropriate for a 7 yr old?], or you can choose to stop kicking me and we can sing a song" ?? I don't know about the last one, but I need help. You see my problem.
My children misbehave most when it's time to get ready for bed. That's when they do pretty much anything but what they're told and when they do comly, the do so with a bad attitude. I feel like I'm hurting them. I've yelled at them before out of frustration. I've spanked too. I don't want to do either. They interrupt; they don't respect each others' space, and they can't take correction when they're learning.
HELP!!!!!
My children misbehave most when it's time to get ready for bed. That's when they do pretty much anything but what they're told and when they do comly, the do so with a bad attitude. I feel like I'm hurting them. I've yelled at them before out of frustration. I've spanked too. I don't want to do either. They interrupt; they don't respect each others' space, and they can't take correction when they're learning.
HELP!!!!!
Writing sentences.
Also, a reward system generally works better than a discipline system. Example...instead of "if you don't go to bed when told, this will be the consequence..."
How about "if you go to bed calmly and when asked every day for a week, this will be the reward..."
A star chart to show their progress is really good too. After X amount of stars, they get a special treat. Maybe a special day at the park with mommy or something of that nature.
It is very important NOT to "tell" on them to their father. Because by doing that, you are removing yourself from a position of authority. They will think whenever daddy isn't around they can behave however they want. They need to know that you are just as much in control as dad.
I would also suggest a serious talk with your H about undercutting your authority. That is unacceptable. Kids learn at a very young age how to manipulate and play one parent off the other. The two of you have to be a united front.
Try this. Whatever their bedtime is if they get ready without incident extend it 15 minutes. That drives my kids nuts. bedtime is 9 during the summer. If they get ready without aw moms etc they stay up till 9:15. If not 9 pm it is.
I don't use the reward system as far as material objects, I think kids have to learn to behave just because it is the right thing to do not so they can get candy or toys.
I also agree that you and your husband need to get on the same page with discipline..it will just cause resentment between you guys if you continue on with hin constantly undermining you.
As for what type of punishment is the best..when you find out , let me know!lol. Every kid is different and what works for one may not work for another. There are alot of options, like taking away toys everytime they don't listen, sending them to a room where there is absolutely no stimulus for 1 minute each year of life. When you take the toys away though it must be for a good amount of time and then make them earn it back with good behavior.
A lot of the time though, kids don't recieve enough praise for the good things they do but they always get a lot of attention for the bad, so try to give lots of praise when you see them doing something good. hope some of that helps!hang in there, it only gets harder the older they get ;)