Paranoia Support Group
Paranoia is a disturbed thought process characterized by excessive anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion. It is often associated with psychotic illnesses, sometimes schizophrenia, although attenuated features may be present in other primarily non-psychotic diagnoses, such as paranoid personality disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder.
Hi everybody,
I am writing this post because I no longer know what to do. I believe that I have a paranoid personality disorder, and that it is mostly apparent in my relationship with my fiance. I am 24 years old and we have been together since I was 18 and he was 22 (he is now 28).
Over the years, my insecurities and trust issues have manifested into extreme and constant paranoia about EVERYTHING he does and says. I am ashamed to even go into detail about the ridiculous measures I take in order to confirm that what he tells me is the truth. It is so crazy to me because I am completely aware of my paranoia and feel guilty about it during the day when we are both at our own jobs and I have the time to collect myself. But when I am around him and in the moment I have the uncontrollable need to get reassurance and confirm that he is being honest about every single little thing.
I have access to his phone records, his phone password, his email account and all of his social media. I do my best to not go through things, but even when I do there is absolutely nothing that I find that suggests him being dishonest or unfaithful. For the most part, I believe that he has been faithful to me throughout our relationship. But my paranoia and possibly OCD constantly sabotage me from being happy with him and appreciating him. It's as though I do not even live life anymore. I am constantly on my toes, searching for discrepancies and lies.
I know I sound like a total b*tch, and trust me I really do feel like one quiet often, but I am working on this every day and trying to gain understanding as to why I can't stop myself from repeating this behavior.
Any insight is truly appreciated.
I really sorry that you're feeling this way and I know how much of a toll paranoia can take on relationships. If there is one thing that I would recommend that you do, it would be to tell your partner that you're feeling the way you are. Explain yourself and that you're trying to find ways to make yourself feel differently. You must also be sure to include that it's not his fault in any way and you want to make sure that you're not sounding antagonistic. Simply explain how badly you feel about the situation and tell him everything. If you keep it to yourself and things don't get better, you're going to continue feeling worse and worse until something bad happens. Therefore I would suggest getting these feelings out in the open so that you can work through them together and possibly find you help elsewhere so that the two of you can truly enjoy each other. I really do hope that everything gets better, even if only a little bit. Feel free to post more on here or reply, I'm on here a lot to try and provide advice :)
I also have paranoia but at one point it was completely justified when I found out his blatant lies at where he was sleeping. I believed him for 6 months, though I had a gut feeling I ignored when I believed him.
Maybe try and listen to your gut. If you TRULY believe there's nothing going on and it's all in your head (that's what he told me so watch out) I suggest therapy to dive into why you feel so paranoid.
You're not alone. I have his email, phone password, etc. But that was the condition when I took him back. I wish I hadn't of. I still feel paranoid and crazy a year after the incident.
The only way I caught him was when he accidentally played a voicemail in front of me from his ex, who was picking him up AT MY HOUSE.He told her it was his brothers friends place. So yeah. I believed him for about 6 months. I suggest therapy.