Paranoia Support Group
Paranoia is a disturbed thought process characterized by excessive anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion. It is often associated with psychotic illnesses, sometimes schizophrenia, although attenuated features may be present in other primarily non-psychotic diagnoses, such as paranoid personality disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder.
I seem to have slightly different paranoia than most that i've read about on here. It started I think when I was younger. I always felt things were watching me (demons) or that if I thought certain things than bad things would happen. (don't think about getting a good grade or it'll be a bad one)
I do have other disorders which they tried medicating me for along with talk therapy. The last medication I tried was Prozac. It was the last for a reason. After taking it I started to notice an increase in paranoid and almost (but not quite!) psychotic thoughts. I felt watched and began to suspect cameras; although I knew this was absurd it still felt extremely uncomfortable. People around me would trigger it by using key words. Such as saying something I had just been reading about the day before. I would feel terrified and think "They must be tracking me, and are trying to hint that they are!". I felt invaded but I have always been able to push it away. Sometimes I would confess my fears to the person just to let them know and get to hear their reassurance. That did help some.
When I would read I would think there were hidden messages in the words although I didn't know what it was from or what they meant I just felt it. Needless to say, I got off the Prozac.
The paranoia still lingers and it's usually a worry about the government or my friends/coworkers/random suspicious seeming strangers, are tracking me and reading things that I look up or know more than they should. I feel like I'm being watched, and scrutinized. However, I still understand it's not real. It just feels real and tiring. I still have some relationships but not many (not from the paranoia, most people just annoy me).
What is this disorder like for you?
I do have other disorders which they tried medicating me for along with talk therapy. The last medication I tried was Prozac. It was the last for a reason. After taking it I started to notice an increase in paranoid and almost (but not quite!) psychotic thoughts. I felt watched and began to suspect cameras; although I knew this was absurd it still felt extremely uncomfortable. People around me would trigger it by using key words. Such as saying something I had just been reading about the day before. I would feel terrified and think "They must be tracking me, and are trying to hint that they are!". I felt invaded but I have always been able to push it away. Sometimes I would confess my fears to the person just to let them know and get to hear their reassurance. That did help some.
When I would read I would think there were hidden messages in the words although I didn't know what it was from or what they meant I just felt it. Needless to say, I got off the Prozac.
The paranoia still lingers and it's usually a worry about the government or my friends/coworkers/random suspicious seeming strangers, are tracking me and reading things that I look up or know more than they should. I feel like I'm being watched, and scrutinized. However, I still understand it's not real. It just feels real and tiring. I still have some relationships but not many (not from the paranoia, most people just annoy me).
What is this disorder like for you?
I am glad you got off the prozac. I am on prozac, maybe that is not a good thing lol.
The disorder is like that. I've accepted these things do and continue to happen to me so they've lost their power. It's almost like a bully, I just accept it is what it is. I used to get really angry and frustrated by it. Startling coincidences would occur and I would be so afraid of their reality I would stutter in trying to explain them. While trying to explain it, it just never flowed great out of my mouth.
I've let go of my past because like you said it's just too tiring. Paranoia and delusion is just flat out exhausting if you ask me.
I've learned that I can allow myself the power to be above the coincidences. I don't have to focus on the coincidences. For example the people speaking about things you recently read has happened to me. To be honest it has progressed to the point where I'll be looking at something and a person talking near me will say the word I am looking at. For instance my eyes set on a dictionary with the word "dictionary" on the side right in my line of sight, and the person next to me said "diction" at the perfect time.
I don't know if that made sense, this world is bigger than me and I cannot control it. I have found choosing to not fear things I cannot explain is helpful. Also helping others takes my mind off focusing on the explainable.
It is a hellish illness and it impacts your relationships (you feel defensive and unsafe around others) and it causes you to isolate. I am still able to spend quality time with my family, though, on a regular basis. I am very glad I am capable of doing that.