massive therapy and drugs is the obvious cure. you could try cognetive behavior therapy. but you will have to pay. so you either deal with, or you go with him.

I have learned one thing about love and life and trueth and something else. true love. don't quest for true love its worth it but costly.

this thing you are going thru. if you can put up with i would say do. but make it clear to your guy that if he betrays your trust it is over. when all the chips are on the table and someone agrees. that should be good enough. personally i'd give one slip up

because in my life i have always been loyal, but and in my heart i regret that one time i didn't give in

that could have changed my life.

and it makes you ask yourself. do i love them enough to give them up. my answer after that is yes.

I am going to fight sure, and i am going to inflict massive pain and suffering on the one, but in the end i would give up my love to make her happy. but then again all i have ever known is torment and pain.

and no. i would not stalk.

i'd just get a younger lady. or older in my case. younger woman get tired.

i dont understand what your trying to say at all..

Hey Fed Up!
I'm struggling with this as well because my girlfriend and I have opposite work schedules. When I need to sleep for an early day, she works late and wants to go out after. So many times, I'm at home just worrying and getting pretty angry. This paranoia is new to me also but we are trying to get through it. From my understanding my girlfriend is trying to keep her sense of self and not totally rule her life on my schedule/ideals anymore (which is fair). I'm a lot older than her and don't need to go out as much anymore but can't keep her caged either.
Things got pretty heated and we almost broke up over this because I didn't understand how absurd I was acting. Now I understand and am trying to be better about it as long as she sends one or two texts to let me know how the night is going.
I'm not completely over the paranoia but trying hard to trust and open the lines of communication in a calm way. Its SO HARD I know but shock him with being completely fine and only text him once or twice. Then put on a movie and try not to think about your phone. My girlfriend is out now grabbing a beer with coworkers and I sent a nice text and got some love back. It was the first time in ages that I didn't have a fight over it. Feels much better....try it even if it's the hardest thing for you to do at the time. When you fight the next day (or three) is probably ruined too right?
I'm learning the goal here is to get them back to us safe and sound, rather than staying out all night not wanting to come back at all !! It doesn't mean you have to be a doormat...just open the lines of communication in a loving supportive way (even if it kills you). I think if I keep this up consistently it will become my new way of thinking and responding....try it : )

I can get worried like this if the person is far away for whatever reason. But if the person is close by then I don't at all, I just don't. I give space without questioning and like my own space without being questioned. It's strange. I think its the distance that makes the problem and when it does its a wadd of stressful shit!!

I think, if you really do love him, give him room to hang out with friends, let him have some fun. I don't completely understand because like I mentioned my paranoia kicks in if the person is far away.. for a long period of time, my head makes up situations that upset me and then that just makes the paranoia worse. Maybe I get a little insecure at times as well, I can admit it.

There is self talk if you haven't tried that. Sorting out the rational vs. the irrational, it might help. All I know is, anything that makes us feel that extreme paranoia is bad and not healthy for us. No matter what triggered it up.

I dunno, maybe therapy would help, learn to slowly take steps to switching the thinking. If you love him you should want him to be happy and have a good time once in a while, we all deserve happiness. Finding what works for you therapy wise is key I think, how to turn the negative thoughts into positive ones. it's tough though, as it is with any paranoia. I swear paranoia is the devil Muahahhahaa!!!!

Deff. look up the self talk!!

I dunno, maybe I am not the best advice for this, but I hope you feel better =)

im glad im not the only one who feels like this!
Thank yo for your replies. its true he does need to be happy and i just need to see it as that he can be happy and have fun without me and i just need to accept that. I know if i dont then i'll end up losing him and thats not what i want.
Every time it comes to him wanting to go out it starts with a huge argument first and no matter how hard i try not to argue with him it just happens, i think i have to work on the way i react to things :/