The fact that the panic attacks and anxiety hit us at a random moment in our lives and we consciously became aware of it, it makes you question everything. Health, life, purpose, death, happiness, love, mental state etc. You begin to feel depersonalized and isolated from your own self. And on top of all this. You feel ALONE! You feel like no one knows what you're going through. Family, friends, relationships. And then you start to feel ostracized from the norm. In fact, you probably always felt ostracized from the norm growing up. Because of what you see or what you were raised by. You start to subconsciously envision yourself taking meds forever. When you don't even need meds at all really. Meds are mainly for people who want to harm other people or harm themselves. And you don't want to harm yourself. You just hate thinking about it. You probably envisioned yourself in a mental institution (me.) You start to think you're "one of those people" and you're going crazy and you want your old life back. Which again, is normal. Why? Because that's what everybody would do if they were consciously aware of their anxiety. Everybody would panic. I've had this for the first time about 3 weeks ago. March 22nd 2017! And let me tell you, I've been fighting like a mothefucking CHAMP! I cried for 5 days straight asking why! I felt very hypochondriacal. I wasn't eating. I felt like life looked dark. My future, my past and my now. But you wanna know what I decided to do two days after my anxiety/panic attack? I disallowed myself to be lured in by my FAKE thoughts. I was realizing I was afraid of my own thoughts. I was putting deep meanings behind these thoughts because that's what the world had shown me and made me believe and I was becoming afraid of them. It sounds funny when you really think about it. That's like thinking of an orange. When you think of an orange you think of fruit, ball shaped, sweet, or you might just think to yourself "who gives a fuck about an orange." Because oranges are perceived to be healthy, and nutritional and... harmless. But oranges can be harmful if you think about it. In fact, think about an orange right now being harmful to someone. Take 5 seconds..... Question, when you imagined the orange being harmful, did you have a panic attack over it? No! Because you know that what you pictured is not real it's just a thought! I just kept realizing during every episode, that I was in my fucking room and nothing of what I was thinking was actually happening and everything that already happened didn't matter any more than it did before I had this panic attack! You're future will not be the way you think. Your thoughts and real life are veery different. Understand this! The more you get out and force yourself to be more social and open(not just about your anxiety but about everything you're hiding) the more you will start to realize everything you're over thinking is not that serious. We take life too serious. It's not that deep. Us humans are who create language and meaning behind words and emotions. You are just as much of a human as I am. Please answer me why you think you can't create greatness and happiness? We become sensitized to a lot of criticism because we see greatness and we want to be that. And society tells and shows us we can't be great. But let me explain something to you... Everybody who's great today felt the same way we felt. But they pulled the plug and cut the knot on fear. They decided even though they were afraid, they were gonna do it anyway. That's how you become STRONG and fearless! The more fearless you are the more it become pointless for you to have anxiety and panic attacks. Understand that you are subconsciously looking at life differently because you are afraid of your anxiety and panic attacks. For me, It was like I was feeling as though it was taking over me and my life. Like some sort of bacteria or Grim Reaper! I realized that doesn't make sense. So I started to explain all of what I am explain to you right now, to myself out loud. I started to understand what I was doing. And how I was allowing the panic attacks and anxiety to fear me. I started doing research everyday. I went to my doctors. I said NO to meds. I decided to do whatever I have to, to rid myself of worry, anxiety and panic attacks. Let me tell you. I forced myself into family gatherings, and forcing myself to see people I didn't really want or care to see. I was forcing myself to talk and listen. I started accepting what I can't change. That's a big one. I started envisioning me hanging out with my friends again and me meeting new friends. I was light headed and incoherent as a motherfucker throughout all this in the first two weeks but I knew that this would help me! I started allowing myself to think whatever I wanted to think and I forced myself to say fuck it and laugh without feeling wrong or crazy. I allowed myself to look stupid and awkward in front of people and not regret it. I started calling myself all types of names that I feared of being called. I started to look at myself in the mirror and smile for 10 seconds (AWKWARD) and then I busted out laughing. It was a start. And everyday was progress. Even today as I'm writing this. I feel so progressed, invigorating, smart, proud of myself, happy with the very little that I have and optimistic. I'm looking forward to a bright future in the midst of all the negativity and hate. Remember this though, for every bad there's a good. Always look at the glass half full. Your success and joys will fill the cup to make it fully full. You will get over this anxiety and panic attack and I thought it would be everyday and last forever because I read so much negativity online about it but look at me now. The last panic attack I had was Friday March 31st 2017. If I can remember I think it was because I overthought about panicking. It lasted for about 3 minutes (which I've learned is the maximum amount of time one can have a panic attack for). Meaning the panic attacks don't last all day. It only lasts 3 lousy minutes. I also decided I want to take therapy. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Because I want to fully tackle my fear of anxiety and panic attacks. I have shitty insurance and no job right now but I've applied for about 10 jobs in the past 3 weeks and I found a simple therapy place with bad reviews lol. Things like this I laugh about now. I don't panic over it. Because I'm not afraid of it. What's the worse that can happen? What? Is he/she gonna pity me? He/She's gonna speak VERY slowly to me? The therapist is gonna tell me I'm crazy? He/She's gonna ask that I see a psychiatrist and be put on meds? Lol bring it on. Because any therapist that would tell me I'm crazy or make me feel un-normal for dealing with life and what PEOPLE in life made me feel, would get their license revoked and probably needs to have a seat right next to me. Lmao. I'm not reliant/dependent on medication or therapy. I don't allow myself to think/live with the fact that somebody or something needs to help me. When you think like that, you become needy when you don't have it. I know I'm gonna be happy and successful because I have fucking heart. We have fucking heart and that's probably what got us in this damn mess lmao! We will breakdown barriers. We will rise! If we fall, we will get back up! Like we're doing with anxiety and panic attacks! YOU WILL BE FREE FROM THIS! Please take my word and don't question it. Take it and be certain of it! Don't listen to that "realist" in you undermining all of your positive thoughts. Remember that the negativity is just as questionable as the positivity. You can tell yourself the most weirdest, unorthodox shit and find a way to emotionally feel good about it. You have power! Accept it. Please don't be too harsh on yourself either. You alone can tackle a world of people and obstacles. But you need one person in this world on your team forever. YOU! You're a champ just like me! I questioned myself too much! But I stopped! Stop questioning yourself. So what if nobody ever told you you were great or will be great. I just did. The greatest people were just like us. They fell to the ground but it was that one thing that sparked them and made them get up and do something. You've read all of this for a reason. You have hope. Let my long story be your spark. Accept the power. Embrace it. Engulf yourself in it. You will be free from this I promise you! I thought I wouldn't and I feel so free and alive right now. And it only gets better!