Panic Attacks Support Group
A panic attack is a period of intense fear or discomfort, typically with an abrupt onset and usually lasting no more than thirty minutes. Symptoms include trembling, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, sweating, nausea, dizziness, hyperventilation, and sensations of choking or smothering. Panic attacks can be very sudden, appear to be unprovoked, and are often...
Hi All,
I've been reading this forum for a while and finally decided to join after just overcoming a horrible (and very public) panic attack about an hour ago. The intensity coupled with the embarrassment of this particular attack was the final "push" for me. I realize now that I can't deal with this on my own. I need support from people like me who understand what I'm going thru.
I will try to be brief. I'm just shy of turning 32. My husband and I have been married for nearly 4 years, and he wants to start a family.
The very thought of this sends me into a state of panic, sometimes even giving me SEVERE attacks that are just crippling.
I've been asked by my therapist if I want kids, and I honestly don't know how to answer. Its not that I DON'T want kids. I think I'd be an "ok" mom, however the very thought of that EXTREMELY MAJOR LIFE CHANGE sends me into a state of panic!
I have a pattern of this: when I started high school, when my dad suddenly passed away, when I went back to school to work on my Masters, when my now husband proposed (poor guy), when we bought our house, when I started a new job.....see the pattern here?
This whole thing of getting over the fear of having a child is the most challenging I've ever faced. I'm just now recovering from my latest attack with the help of my Xanax. But you can't take that while pregnant! I don't know what to do.
Is there anyone out there who went thru something similar? I know a lot of women are terrified of having children at first. How do you get over that? How do you "make plans" of starting a family with your spouse without going into an attack?
Any advice would truly be appreciated. I just left my night class early because I had an awful attack over this - was so humiliating
I've been reading this forum for a while and finally decided to join after just overcoming a horrible (and very public) panic attack about an hour ago. The intensity coupled with the embarrassment of this particular attack was the final "push" for me. I realize now that I can't deal with this on my own. I need support from people like me who understand what I'm going thru.
I will try to be brief. I'm just shy of turning 32. My husband and I have been married for nearly 4 years, and he wants to start a family.
The very thought of this sends me into a state of panic, sometimes even giving me SEVERE attacks that are just crippling.
I've been asked by my therapist if I want kids, and I honestly don't know how to answer. Its not that I DON'T want kids. I think I'd be an "ok" mom, however the very thought of that EXTREMELY MAJOR LIFE CHANGE sends me into a state of panic!
I have a pattern of this: when I started high school, when my dad suddenly passed away, when I went back to school to work on my Masters, when my now husband proposed (poor guy), when we bought our house, when I started a new job.....see the pattern here?
This whole thing of getting over the fear of having a child is the most challenging I've ever faced. I'm just now recovering from my latest attack with the help of my Xanax. But you can't take that while pregnant! I don't know what to do.
Is there anyone out there who went thru something similar? I know a lot of women are terrified of having children at first. How do you get over that? How do you "make plans" of starting a family with your spouse without going into an attack?
Any advice would truly be appreciated. I just left my night class early because I had an awful attack over this - was so humiliating
First, if the panic is not in the equation you have to come to the decision of IF you really want children. More than likely if you never had to deal with another panic attack in your life, the answer would be yes. (I am just getting that "vibe" from your post, if I am wrong I apologize.)
Next, panic is a scarey feeling that can make us believe it is controlling our lives, but that is just the mental trick of panic. We are the ones that get to make the decisions on how we want to live our lives. (easier said than done i know, I am right there with you working on it day in day out.) But what I would like for you to consider is something you said in your main post.
"I have a pattern of this: when I started high school, when my dad suddenly passed away, when I went back to school to work on my Masters, when my now husband proposed (poor guy), when we bought our house, when I started a new job.....see the pattern here? "
While dealing with panic you have:
1. Gone through highschool
(A major life event that is not easy for people with panic attacks, but you did it.)
2. The loss of a parent
(extremely emotional especially to those of us that are very sensitized to our feelings.)
3. Going back to school for a MASTERS degree
(first congrats and impressive, but anyone that goes back later on to school is under a ton of stress adapting to the double life of work and school, or just new people in general.
4. You got MARRIED !!!
(Stress central, but a beautiful life experience, you did it. )
5. New house and moving
(more large life changes, but you did it !!!)
6. New job
(Again congrats, new jobs and adapting to new people and a new daily life are very hard things to do)
Now I know all of those life experiences were not easy and panic was there and you had to get through it.. BUT you did it !!!. Well done, sincerely well done.
Honestly, from another person that lives with panic, I personally think you would make more than an "ok" mom. You have faced your fears and made it through many major life altering events successfully. IF you want to have a baby you can do it.
I also saw you mentioned you had to leave night class early due to panic. I too have gotten up in the middle of a few college classes and just felt like I had to leave. I had an important test and literally did the old answer C to all the questions and then just walked out. I had no idea what panic was back then and I thought I was dying, but I remember feeling humiliation. I have had to walk out of movie theaters, restaurants, and almost my best friends wedding. Now I can't tell you don't feel humiliated, but I can tell you people now a days don't care. They might wonder what is wrong, some may make judgments but those people are few and don't really matter in the scheme of life.
I would like to give an example. I have a hard time in movie theaters. I feel my panic and the possibility I might need to get up during the movie will interrupt another strangers movie experience. I find this humiliating and scarey. My old therapist, said I want you to go to the movies, and for no reason get up and leave the theater. Then come back in and sit down after a few minutes. Then I want you to get up and do it again and go stand in the hallway outside the movie. Then go back in. I was horrified, but I did it. No one cared, I did it three times that movie. I was fine, strangers didn't barely notice, and then the going to the movies was kinda fun again.
What I am trying to get at is, what we think is humiliating really isn't. The fear of the humiliation actually causes the panic attack. If you break the cycle and practice getting up and leaving, then eventually the panic dies. One other good thing to remember is we have panic attacks, we are all working hard to learn to deal with panic and fear, what everyone else thinks doesn't matter. I again have posted this before, but feel it should be said again here. People are so self absorbed now a days, no one really notices us if we need to step out and take a breath or a pill. Most people have their heads glued to a smartphone to pay attention to us. I don't know if any of that helps, but maybe it might help.
Now back to the baby. If I was planning to start a family I would sit down and figure out everything I might need to get and learn first. I would read books on babies, I would ask advice from family and friends, and I would literally make lists. I would go as far as to take a family planning class and learn as much as I could. Life will still through a curve ball, but if you are prepared and knowledgeable, it might take away some of the panic from the unknown before you commit to actually having the child. Once you are immersed in the new parenting life style (books, toys, doctors, babysitters, daycare, diapers, foods..... on and on) once you have experienced those things and feel comfortable in the new life style then go for it and LIVE. Have the children you want because you will be ready for the experience.
Lastly, there are a lot of children out there that need good families. I don't know how you and your husband would feel about adoption, but it is an alternative to going through pregnancy. I personally suffer from genetic illnesses that I refuse to pass on to a child. If I ever find a good relationship and get married, if my wife is willing I would like to adopt. That is just me, but maybe that is one of the reasons the universe made me the way I am and my family is out there just waiting for me, I do not know, but I do know I won't let panic stand in my way of finding them and happiness. It is going to be hard, and I still have a long ways to go, but I am going to try.
I wish you well and hope you find what you need to have your baby. I personally, from what I read, believe you can do it. Have a good day.