Hi I'm new here and facing many challenges and the anxiety I'm battling is OUT OF CONTROL *Warning this post might be long*

   Hi, I'm a wife and mom of a blended family with 4 children. My hubby and I both had a son a piece when we met and then after we got married we had two additional children. We got custody of my hubby's biological son when he was 2 because there were signs of abuse and neglect from his biological mom. As he got older we noticed that he had serious anger issues and got him into counseling. By age 9, he was diagnosed at with ODD and Unspecified Mood Disorder. The counseling wasn't successful and at age 11 he put a knife to my oldest son's throat and threatened to kill him, brutally attacked my oldest son on another occasion on the school bus, put bleach in my water ( I didn't know until I drank it) and our living arrangement became a COMPLETE nightmare with him in the home with the police at our home weekly and emergency hospital visits when he lashed out. Our family lived in Ohio up until 2 years ago and no matter how hard we tried we couldn't get the help we needed. We've since moved to Georgia and our son is now in a residential treatment facility. They've now diagnosed him as a Psychopath but said until he's 18 it has to be listed as Conduct Disorder, they've done extensive tests that show he's likely to be a sexual offender among many other awful things.

We had to give the county partial custody in order for them to pay for his treatment. Unfortunately, he's not better; he's had 10 fights which he's started while in the first residential treatment facility, threatened to kill a few of the kids in there and made a homicidal list, got transferred to a new facility and assaulted a teacher and several kids there. And now they county is trying to send him back home-I'm SUPER STRESSED and freaking out. My husband feels extremely guilty because he wants to be there for his son however I don't want and cannot handle him coming back here. One of my bff's suggested finding a support group so here I am. I also battle anxiety and panic attacks (which have gotten WORSE with talks of him coming home) PTSD, and maybe even depression.

We've also had several deaths in our family, including my Mom who I was extremely close with and so since she's been gone the world just feels like a HUGE LONELY PLACE! The panic attacks are so extreme that I no longer drive and I feel so ashamed and a burden in that area because I used to drive without issue. I'm scared of trying medicine because I've read online about so many people getting addicted to meds. However, I'm exhausted, my sleep is affected, I'm having crazy thoughts, and I just feel like the trauma of everything has me scared of everything! At this point I'm just trying to keep mental health healthy by joining this support group, exercising, seeking out a new counselor, and most of all standing on my Faith. I hate feeling/living like this! I know normal is overrated but I would LOVE to have it right now.