Panic Attacks Support Group
A panic attack is a period of intense fear or discomfort, typically with an abrupt onset and usually lasting no more than thirty minutes. Symptoms include trembling, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, sweating, nausea, dizziness, hyperventilation, and sensations of choking or smothering. Panic attacks can be very sudden, appear to be unprovoked, and are often...
Hi everyone,
My Story: I had never had an issue with anxiety until this past October 2017. I was a happy go lucky person and was able to control any minor anxieties that I had. On October 14, 2017, I had my first panic attack that landed me in the emergency room. The first month or so following my first panic attack was terrible. I ended up having to quit my job because I was having multiple panic attacks a day. I didn't want to leave the house, even going to sleep would send me into a panic. I went to a psychologist, who I still go to weekly, and I have made a LOT of progress in the past 5 months. I was able to get another job, and get back to a somewhat normal life. However, I don't get the joy out of life that I used to. I used to love going to restaurants, going on vacations, hanging out with my friends, going to baseball games. Now, even though I am doing way better, it seems as if my life revovles around my anxiety. I live with constant anxiety about flying on a plane, going to a baseball game just incase I panic. I am afraid of even taking a sip of alcohol, I don't want to go to public places like bars. I don't want to travel because I don't want to be far away from home in case I panic. I don't enjoy the things I used to. I continue to see my psychologist once a week, but I wanted to reach out to a different group and see if anyone has advice on how to start enjoying life again and stop living in fear. My panic attacks are less frequent, although my anxiety about panic attacks is just as frequent. I continue to have panic attacks about once every two weeks or so, and they seem to come out of nowhere, at the worst times. I'm a lot better at calming myself down, and haven't had any more visits to the ER, but I would love to get back to a life where a panic attack isn't even a concern.
Any advice on getting back to a happy life is MUCH appreciated.
Thanks so much :)
First let me state I literally just found this website minutes ago. Your post was the first thing I saw and I knew I had to make an account to reply.
First thing is first, let me say I HAVE THE SAME SITUATION. I know that sounds crazy to hear, because everyone feels like how could anyone else know EXACTLY those feeling I have / get?
I'm going to kind of share a summary of myself / my story and we will see what goes from there. I've never done this before, and your post really stuck out to me.
Just like you, I'm a super fun, outgoing, happy, excited person. I'm 21 years old and from San Jose, CA. I love traveling, meeting new people, starting businesses, working out, training martial arts, & all other activities.
THAT WAS, up until August 1, 2017. I had been having the BEST year of my life. Financially, physically, mentally, the entire picture. My Brazilian Jiu Jitsu class had just ended at 8:00pm and I got in my car to drive home. I pulled out onto the main road and I was completely overwhelmed by a sensation I have NEVER experienced before. My throat was tight and I couldn't breath. As I was driving, I was processing what was happening and ended up in FULL BLOWN PANIC. I pulled over to the side of the road and was about to dial the emergency line. It was the most horrific state / feeling i've ever been in. I didn't even know this kind of experience existed. I ended up turning my car around and racing back to the Jiu Jitsu school at which I trained. I didn't even know why I turned around, but something inside me was telling myself "FIND COMFORT - DON'T BE ALONE!". I turned into the Jiu Jitsu parking lot, and sat in my car. Never even getting out, I was dripping sweat, light headed, throat was tight, and I was shaking. *HELP!* was the only thing I could think. After about 10 minutes the "feelings" went away and I drove home. Not knowing what happened, I still continued about my standard way of living for about another week, but would have these "random" moments of remembering that tight sensation in my throat and it would come about all the sudden again. Then, it would go away really fast. I was confused, irritated, and upset why this was happening and what it was all about. Like I said, I NEVER had any anxiety / panic experience or knowledge prior to this. This was all a first time thing. I started doing online research and was shocked by this "new world" of information I was learning. I dove down the information rabbit hole for the next 2 months and was all out of "wack". I didn't even know how to process all this info, how to think about it, why did it happen? could it happen again? and I started to experience "derealization". I couldn't even drive down my street without feeling that I was entering that "state" of being. (Full of fear, tightness, uncertainty, etc). And I mentally told myself that this was such a part of life and maybe i'm "finding myself". Blah, blah blah. All the extra talk we do to ourselves to over analysis the situation. I still had my motivation and interests, it's just that I was living through this different "filter" that added a angle of issues to normal activities. I started car-pooling to my Jiu Jitsu class with a friend. I found that when I was with someone, it almost entirely eliminated my anxiety / panic state. After a few months of car-pooling, audio books, support groups, and stretching myself, I finally kicked up enough confidence to drive back to jiu jitsu by myself alone for the first time since my first panic attack. Logically I knew this was just utter ridiculous....This is not who I am? lol! am I seriously dealing with this? or is this all in my head?
Driving there was OKAY, low anxiety, but still the fact that I was measuring the trip like something was wrong and I had to be careful bugged me. Why can't I just go about it automatically like I did for all those months prior? Anyway, the jiu jitsu class ended and was so tired, I didn't even have enough energy to feel panicky. I drove home and was very proud of myself...(This was about January 2018)
I started to laugh at the fact that all these months had gone by, and technically I haven't had another "panic attack" since that 1st day. And that thought gave me a lot of perspective and understanding of "i'm wasting my time worrying about something that doesn't care about all the time i'm wasting worrying about". I still had this weird seed planted when I would drive somewhere alone. Outside of that, I was still maintaining my life for the most part. If friends invited me out, I would just uber to the house and say "it was just incase I drink, I didn't want to drive home". It was like not being alone gave me some strange comfort? It didn't even make sense to me. I just knew those "feelings" were not nearly as present when I was with someone else. I was still working out at my gym, and didn't feel any worry or panic related feelings there. But yet, driving double the distance to the jiu jitsu center is and was this "blockage" of mine.
Fast forward Jan, Feb, March, I was defiantly feeling much more "grown" and "mature" in the topic. Not nearly as on edge about it. Some days would go by, even a week or two, that I would feel "great". Then all the sudden I would have a task to do and it would freak me out and start the "engine" again on this panic / anxiety life. The moment I had kind of "eliminated" it from my head, something would come up in my life that would remind me it's still "there". The reason i'm even on this website right now is because today for some strange reason i've been the "sickest" with panic / anxiety since that first day (August 1 2017.). I can't even describe it. My throat is tight today and I don't feel "normal". I had errands to run today, and when I was about 1 mile down the road this wave of panic / symptoms hit me. I consciously laugh at myself in the moment, like stop with this stupid nonsense. Yet the feelings are real. I ended up pushing through the terrible scary emotions and pulled into the parking lot of my first errand. My mind was RACING with all this "stuff". I just felt stuck and afraid of what was happening and ultimately just confused WHY?!?!??! Why is this like this? almost a YEAR after a little 10 minute episode of panic i'm still experiencing this sh*t? this isn't me?
I completed my errand, got back in my car, turned on some music, and headed home. Even on the way home my throat was "tight" and all I could "think and feel" was this state of being I was in. Completely ridiculous.
I pulled in my house, almost "mad" at the fact i've experienced such a low today, and told myself *F*CK YOU* panic i'm not done I have somewhere else to go. I pulled out of my driveway and headed to another store. Half way there I felt like I was going to pass out, literally 4/10 panic. I made a U-Turn and started heading home. After I made the U-Turn the symptoms lessened. (it's like I did what they wanted me to do). Once they lessened, I made another U-turn and headed back to the 2nd store. Mission accomplished.
I know this is all a lot to take in, and sometimes I just don't know what to "say". Just ride it out. The more thought you provide the worse it gets. It's like a double edged sword.
ANYWAY, yesterday I made my first attempt at seeking professional attention. I called a physiatrist and had a free 15 minute consultation with him. I need to check with my insurance to see if they cover out of network providers. Within the 15 minute consultation of course he said what he wants to earn business, but I did feel that he understood me. And of course the one thing I picked up from our quick conversation is he said something related to moving towards the panic not away from it......MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE! haha.
The last thing I will say here and right now is that when emotions are strong and running high (today for myself) I have to do my best to NOT progress into other future thoughts. I must just take today as today. For example, I have a 1 week cruise vacation coming up in late May and my mind already wants to wander there and start creating anxieties about certain situations. NOPE! STOP THERE! All I will do is be present in the NOW.
I haven't scrolled up and doubled checked to make sure this makes any sense at all, but I would love to hear your reply and any others.