Im sorry your going through this. You are right, if you do end your life it will have a negative affect on your two kids. Plus think what lesson you will teach them, life gets hard so...kill yourself. I know thats harsh, but Im sure when your children get older and they experiance a hard time you will not want them to even think about ending their life. Your children watch and learn life lessons from you. You are their role model. You have to get help and get through this, if not for you, but for your children.

Sometimes we are so obsessed at finding a cure that we never just live. God made each of us. I don't know why I began having panic attacks but I have in faith in God that he must have a plan for me. I know that because of them I am stonger and have a deeper faith in trusting him. I can tell you it does get better and has a panic attack ever hurt or killed us?. The key to my breakthrough was laughing at them knowing they won't keep me from enjoying my life. If you can tell yourself that the first min one begins it stops them right in thier tracks. Hang in there and as long as your breathing you are winning aganist them. Please know I understand and will pray for your healing and a breakthrough.

You have to remain strong for the kids. Think of yesterday, the anniversary of 9/11. It was heartbreaking to see those children of the dead firefighters and policemen--they never got to know their fathers. Don't deprive your children of yourself. It will hurt them immensely. I truly know the place you are right now, as do others here. Please take our advice and know that there is an answer out there for you. It may not seem like it right now, but if you just hang on one more day, you never know what can happen.

Please call your psychiatrist right away if you are seriously thinking about suicide. Sometimes medications can create these feelings and you have to know if it is really you that feels this way or if some drug is MAKING you feel this way. Your shrink can figure this out--you can't because you are too close to the situation to know for certain what you are thinking. We can easily get carried away with out thoughts and think the worst.

This page says it best. Please read it:

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/index.html

And then call if you need to talk:

Hopeline (Suicide): 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-Talk (1-800-8255)

Suicide is the very selfish act of someone who is thinking only of himself. The only person whose suffering ends is the person who dies. For those who are left behind, it's the beginning of a lifetime of hell. When you commit suicide, it is only the beginning of the hell your children, spouse, parents, siblings, and friends will suffer. They will torture themselves beyond belief trying to answer questions that can never be answered. Your family, and especially your kids, may blame themselves. Your friends, family, and spouse will agonize over what they could have done to prevent it. Not one person you leave behind will be unaffected. They will all suffer immensely. And suicide is the one mistake you make that can't be fixed. When it's done, there's no going back -- not for you, not for your loved ones. They will never get over it.

I'm sorry if my reply sounds harsh, but it is the reality of suicide. You should seek help immediately. Don't risk doing this to the people you love.

I'm terribly sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling. You should seek out a professional to help you get through this. Help is available out there. The fact that you are sharing this with us shows how you actually want to live. You just want the pain to stop.

These thoughts you are having are temporary. You are going through a very rough time. I know it must feel as if it will last forever, but the storm will pass. But it will take some active work.

If the situation gets dire, there are many resources you can consult. For example, there are many crisis lines. If you find yourself with suicidal thoughts, you should turn to a "life plan" that you have put together beforehand, which contains steps you can take to avoid following through on a suicide or doctors/people you can call.

You are not alone. There is hope. Unfortunately, I learned that life is not about perfection. We live in a very fallen world. I have a debilitating spinal injury, which causes pain to me every constant minute. So I have to turn to all the beautiful things in life. The taste of a delicious dessert. Our children. An awesome standup comedy. A soulful piece of music. When I start dwelling on my illnesses, I get very depressed. It's very hard when you're suffering all the time and are reminded of pain every minute. But if you take some discipline and focus on the smallest and most beautiful things in life, life becomes more bearable. Those are the things to live for. Maybe you should just sit down and write out a list of everything you can think of. I'm sure you'll think of things you never usually thought of before. I know I did when I put together that list.

I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. I don't know who you are, so it's hard to just help out over the Internet. But there is someone you know there personally who can help you. Don't do this on your own. Please take care.

Thanks yall, im hanging in there taking it day by day, hour by hour. All your prayers and advise are very much appreciated. I always try and have a positive outlook , thinking if i just hang on for one more day tomorrow might be the day it all turns around. WE are all just NORMAL people with NORMAL problems. Thanks for all your support =)

hey agent, i can feel your pain, sometimes i wounder if it's worth it all, right now i am going thru the hardest time in my life, a divorce,I have 2 wounderful children and my soon to be ex seems not to care much as he was ready to pack sand back to fla and live in his daddys shed. his girlfriend whom he brought into our home saying it was his long lost sister just started walking all over me, i have a pannic disorder,depression and agraphobia but i am not giving up, i pray daily for God's guiadence thru this all, when my ex found out how much he was gonna have to pay for child support he got angery but i told him don't blame this on me your the one who decided to bring her here so now you will have to pay, I found a 3 bedroom trailer for $450.00 a month and he is gonna have to pay $650.00 in child support for just our 2 children so it will make rent and the power, I have a gracious and wounderful landlord and a very caring church who is paying for my councling. I don't know why but i still love him, i keep asking myself why do i still love someone who hurt me so bad. And his gf is boarderline personality disorder she keeps saying she a certifable nut with papers! I told my soon to be ex that i am gonna have full legal custody and if he wants to see his kids she stays at home until she gets help with the personality disorder as she flys off the handle on a whim and i am the procter of our childeren, she got bent but who cares there not her children they are mine and it's my motherly duty to keep them safe, they have already been thru enough and they don't need anymore. so we are getting a non conseted divorce and he said he wanted to pay lesser child support and I told him no you will pay the who amount that is due to support your kids. I have been a stay at home mom for many many years except for 1 month outta our almost 11 years of marriage. Hang in there i know it's tought trust me i am right there with you but pray, deepbreath and enjoy life with your gf and your 2 wounderful kids. They are what counts. don't let the pannic disorder and agraphobia take over your life, i try not to.I am not on xanax but i am on valuim 3 times a day as well a zoloft, and it seems to help. Now I am not saying it wasent easy as matter fact i had emontional breakdown and all i could do was cry now after the councling today with him as he told the councler that she was comming back up at end of month i knew right then and there she didin't want me no more and i owed to my children and myself to find happiness. I am gonna be taking care of his aunt as he seem so selfish but in a month after the divorce he will be paying for his mistake. Will I ever take him back no, not after all the lies and pain he has caused our children and his aunt and myself. but I do have to put up with him i am being nice and letting him see his kids, i am not the type of woman who uses kids as leverage but i will protect them.so laugh love and live life to the fullest. and pray everyday. I dunno if you are religious but i was told the whole book of luke is a healing chapter in the bible and i myslef have find healing and gonna start reading tommorow. GOD BLESS YOU AGENT AND REMEBER TO THINK OF YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR GF WHO IS WITH YOU, If I can go thru this divorce you can get thru this.

This is my first post, so forgive any breeches of etiquette.

First off, don't do it. Just don't. You have babies that need you, even if you are a mess emotionaly right now. They need thier Daddy. So please, PLEASE just don't do it.

To give the above some context, I'm pretty much in the same place you are right now. I have lived with various neurological disorders my entire life and it's exhausting. Therapy, meds, time, and life is still miserable and I often wish for the "magic button" you mentioned. But I'm not going to do it. Why? I'm married now and have 3 kids, that's why. I can't do that to them no matter how crappy I feel.

I've attempted suicide 3 times "for real" and many other half-assed attempts too embarrassing to mention. Thankfully I survived, if for no other reason than I got to help make those beautiful babies.

The last time I tried, my crying mother slapped me across the face (after I came out of the coma, of course) and told me she hated me for continually trying to kill her baby. Harsh words, but I try to keep them with me to remind me that it's not about me or my suffering, but them. My wife, my kids, my Ma...

It's about those you'd leave man, especially your kids who would grow up fatherless. Its not worth it. For their sake if nothing else, hang in there man. See the shrinks, take the pills, hell, try acupuncture or hypnoses, whatever it takes, just DON'T F-ING DO IT! Don't give up hope... and fake it 'till you make it, or some such BS. I, for one, will be right there with ya.

--BDD

Thanks BDD, its nice to know im not alone. Your post made me laugh I like when someone is a straight shooter. Thanks !

hi agent,

i am right there with you. no one understands me- i have thought about not wanted to live anymore as well. i am currently experiencing a horrible panic attack. i cant feel my body because it is tingling, heart racing, the whole deal (you know what im talking about)

just wanted to let you know- you are not alone and we can fight it.

hang in there man. im sorry youre going through a tough time. like everyone else is saying, be strong. your kids need a father, even if he is struggling. try to find happiness in your family and kids. and always have faith in God. he can get you through anything. sometimes, we concentrate so hard on feeling great that we kind of miss the point of this whole thing. sometimes, we have rough days, but they do get better. hold on and be strong. you can make it!

I think some people need to back off when they are saying that he is selfish. He doesnt want to do this. Its so easy to say, thsts so selfish id never do that. Well then, im soo happy that you dont have to experience something that MAKES you feel that way. But in reality, many many people feel like theres no way out of pain. He just wants to get better. DOnt you think he loves his children, family, gf? Ofcourse he does and for them thats probably the only reason hes here right now. He does not need to have responses that make him feel even more guilty for emotional feelings he cant control.
Agent-Trust me i understand, because its not that you want to kill yourself, its that you want the pain to go AWAY. Have you tried hypnosis? It works WONDERS. It truly changes the way you think in a good way. Go on amazon and look up depression, anxiety hypnosis. Listen to them every night and you will see a huge difference. Are you on any medication now? I was on zoloft for 5 years and it worked wonders. Do you tend to switch medications quickly? Because most of the time on an antidepressent u feel worse b4 u feel better but then all of a sudden bam you feel alot better! Do not feel guilty, these feelings happen and are natural, but you WILL get better, trust me! Message me if youd like to talk

Hang in there...you was put here on earth for a reason...God made you specially for himself....pray and ask him what his plan for you is.

I understand that life with anxiety is hard, its scary,but you are bigger than your anxiety. I understand about the medication too because I have been taking them since I got out of the military. Suicide is not an option. Faith is your only hope in GOD,JESUS CHRIST. The way I have been able to get through my anxiety is to find something to look at that has a lot of diffrent images, count and focus on the diffrent objects you will see your anxiety disapear and do this and watch or do something positive. Everytime anxiety creeps on you no matter where you are,stop and focus your energy on the object in a counting form for example,trees,grass,anything visual. Deep breathing don't work or meditation these things are good but need to be done when you are not having anxiety to relieve stress. The only trigger to your anxiety is stress stop stressing.

Thanks for all of your advice. I turned 28 yesterday so i have mad it this far, im still here. I am trying to find the positive things in life and stop focusing on the negative so much .