I am currently not working right now partly due to my anxiety.

I was looking for jobs where I was in front around people doing stuff. But now I want something where I'm in the background and not noticed.

No luck so far though.

My panic attacks, anxiety and agoraphobia started out of no where in 1995. I spent 8 months terrified to be alone and to leave the house. I read several books and I taught myself how to meditate. Meditation every single day helps tremendously. Every two years like clock work I would spend 6 months with panic, 24/7 feeling sick, feeling like I was dying, anxiety and agoraphobia. I would then start the daily meditation again. After six months it would ease up and I would have about a year or so where I did not have horrible attacks. This continued every two years. I had to come to terms with panic being what was wrong with me, I felt like I was dying and no one cared. I have to make sure I meditate. I spent a while teaching myself how to not notice other people when I had to go to the store. I prefer not to drive if at all possible. I spend most of my life in my home. Staying away from anything that seems to trigger the attacks. It is a horrible thing to deal with, but you can have some sort of a life if you meditate, find the right medications and lessen the things that cause stress or panic....

Yes- I have worked alone and chosen careers where I could work alone for 15 years. Now I am unemployed for two years because the company owner retired...I am unable to find a work at home job. So I became a painter but my husband I feel sees through this work as me trying to stay away from co-workers.

Now I have applied for work where I will be unpaid at Art galleries so people will treat me well and like me because I'm free. lol

I am not managing though. I stay in my building all week and pretend to have a full life. I did not have children because I knew I couldn't handle the stress.

My anxiety is in control when I am in home alone. We have just moved to a city of millions with high crime and I am scared to death when I go out.

Last week there was an incident because I forgot to put on my stupid fake headphones a homeless man cornered me on the metrorail platform and demanded money. Me being me who am not normal glared at him. ignored him then provoked him by putting on my headphones---then I became so angry. it was a panick attack of anger because out in the real world PEOPLE are not supposed to talk to me!! So The incident ended but I wanted him dead. It was thrilling to be in that much control.

I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I do know I have no self identity. ....Im avoidant. But appear normal when I make an effort. don't get hired at interviews because the faade crumbles and interviewers probably see my anxiety.

I have not been able to work in 8 years now. My parents support me and I am 34 years old. I am working on finishing a finance degree (online) that I may never be able to use as panic and anxiety "feel" like they run the show, but I am still hopeful. I am meditating daily, I am working on using CBT to retrain my response to panic. I am trying to make friends online as I have lost touch with most of my RL friends. I have panic related to medical issues and I keep getting new ones. I still take control and try to learn everything I can to battle those medical issues and deal with panic. My latest attempt at panic is turning it into a cartoon character. (yeah it sounds goofy, but it helps defuse it a little LOL) My cartoon character is Danger Mouse. He tells me when I need to panic (fight or flight) but he keeps showing up for the wrong reason. So I have to say hello to him, have a chat, think of him as a friend and helper and then he goes back to wherever he came from till the next time.

My plans to survive in the future are, get my degree and work from home if I can find something with a BA in finance. If not I will use medication to find a job, survive the best I can and retrain to find a in demand job involving computers. Failing all of that, I will go in front of a judge and get social security disability and try to live that way I guess. I don't want to do that if I don't have to.