Hi everyone,
I'm new to this but not new to panic attacks unfortunately. I'm 35 years old, had my first panic attach at 22. My panic disorder has has varied in severity over the years. I went from having panic attacks at bed time (afraid to fall asleep b/c I would die) once a week, to nightly. Got put on Zoloft around 23. Kept having panic attacks over the years. Had a real medical issue with my heart, that combined with my panic, caused me to almost have to quit my job due to panic. This happened in 2009. My world just kept getting smaller and smaller. Oh, I can't do that b/c it will give me a panic attack, or I can't go there b/c I had a panic attack there. I did everything from upping my meds, medicating with xanax, going to different therapists, ect. Nothing ever really helped me until I finally went to a cognitive behavioral therapist. In short, he said to me words that I end up saying to myself over and over when I'm having a panic attack. That is basically "Stop trying to figure out why you have this panic. It doens't really matter. What matter is how you manage your panic. You might have a panic attack every day for hte rest of your life. And guess what. You will live. How you choose to let your panic affect your life is up to you." Wow. I was so stuck on the idea of something being wrong with me and how can this just be panic when I have physical symptoms that surely mean i'm going to die! He printed off a sheet of paper and put it face down on the table. Then he had me write down all of my physical symptoms. He then showed me the sheet. Every one of my symptoms was on the sheet that showed symptoms of a panic attack. Wow. Blew my mind. I wasn't special. This happens. It's a thing. An unpleasant thing. But a thing non-the-less. More importantly he said to me that "no one has ever died of a panic attack." Earth shattering! Tell yourself that the next time you are panicking---it really does help just saying that out loud! So, basically after going to therapy, I weened myself off the zoloft, off the xanax, and am just dealing with my panic attacks. The main difference is that I don't let my panic dictate what I will or won't do. Now, don't get me wrong, this is an effort each and every day. And I still worry so much about having a panic attack that I will for sure have one but I try my best and use the tools I learned in therapy to manage. That's all any of us can do really. I have decided to join a support group and post on other people's threads to hopefully help myself manage my own panic by helping others. To me, the biggest help is always verablizing what I'm feeling and acknowleging that i'm just having a panic attack and that it will pass. Talking about panic is really the last thing you want to do when you have panic disorder b/c you feel weak and embarrassed. But really, talking about it is what gives me the most relief. So i have to just accept that some may judge, but that's ok. I will do what I have to do to make myself a functioning human being who just happens to live wiht panic disorder. Thanks for listening and I hope to talk to some of you soon!