Panic Attacks Support Group
A panic attack is a period of intense fear or discomfort, typically with an abrupt onset and usually lasting no more than thirty minutes. Symptoms include trembling, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, sweating, nausea, dizziness, hyperventilation, and sensations of choking or smothering. Panic attacks can be very sudden, appear to be unprovoked, and are often...
I compose music but have a very rough time doing so. Everything has to be perfect for one, but my biggest problem seems to be that I have a severe lack of confidence in myself. I find it very hard to compose and have this thought in the back of my head that whatever song I am writing at the time is going to end up sounding horrible or go wrong.
I find that if I write a little bit at a time, I am less anxious, but if I go without writing for a period of time it is almost unbearable for me to start back up.
I also have panic attacks when trying to compose or play an instrument.
I am very rusty when it comes to playing instruments and am always beating myself up over it. I also am very critical of my own voice.
Often, I will get a portion of a song stuck in my head for days that I just can not get rid of. I will obsess about what the rhythm will be, what notes to use, if the bassline will fit the guitars, etc.
Just thinking about my music will often cause me to break into tears, and I can not for the life of me get my music out of my head. As I have said before, it is very hard for me to compose or play, and yet 24/7 this is what I feel like I should be doing. It is literally impossible for me to so much as relax or even watch a TV show as these musical loops will not leave my head. I also can't get the thought that I am a horrible musician out of my head.
I suffer from depression, OCD and panic disorder. I'm wondering if any of these disorders is causing this problem or if it is perhaps a combination of my problems. Either way, I feel like this nonstop obsessing over my music is destroying my life and making me completely miserable.
Can anyone out there relate or have advise? Thanks for any help.
I find that if I write a little bit at a time, I am less anxious, but if I go without writing for a period of time it is almost unbearable for me to start back up.
I also have panic attacks when trying to compose or play an instrument.
I am very rusty when it comes to playing instruments and am always beating myself up over it. I also am very critical of my own voice.
Often, I will get a portion of a song stuck in my head for days that I just can not get rid of. I will obsess about what the rhythm will be, what notes to use, if the bassline will fit the guitars, etc.
Just thinking about my music will often cause me to break into tears, and I can not for the life of me get my music out of my head. As I have said before, it is very hard for me to compose or play, and yet 24/7 this is what I feel like I should be doing. It is literally impossible for me to so much as relax or even watch a TV show as these musical loops will not leave my head. I also can't get the thought that I am a horrible musician out of my head.
I suffer from depression, OCD and panic disorder. I'm wondering if any of these disorders is causing this problem or if it is perhaps a combination of my problems. Either way, I feel like this nonstop obsessing over my music is destroying my life and making me completely miserable.
Can anyone out there relate or have advise? Thanks for any help.
You need to make music fun again and do it for yourself without any thought of a prospective audience. It's a form of expression and it doesn't have to be perfect! It is what it is. Whatever the rhythm, notes, time signature, and bass lines are are what they are. They don't have to be perfect! There are countless jazz artists who couldn't play a song the same way twice if they tried with all of their might. Don't constrict yourself! Improvise! And if you're playing somebody else's song, you don't have to be note for note with them, either. Just get down the gist of the song and make it your own. Your voice is your voice. It's you and how you express yourself. What can be wrong with that? Just listen to Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins or Mick Jagger of the Stones. Their voices are far from stellar, but if somebody else were to sing their songs, they just wouldn't sound right. Their voice suits their music and I am willing to bet that yours does, too.
Anyways, just some thoughts. I hate to see people tortured by things that they once enjoyed. You're battling self-doubt, that's all. Compose, write, and perform music for your enjoyment. Not everybody is going to like your music and that's okay.
Anyways, just some thoughts.
Briman- I'm pretty sure that my problems stem from both OCD and depression. The OCD prevents me from constantly worrying about my music, and the depression causes me to lose confidence in myself.
You are correct that I do look for an audience to enjoy my music and I am constantly looking for positive feedback, which is likely unhealthy. I should be content with the fact that I am able to express myself with music.
LOL! Good point. I may be known to sing off key from time to time, but it sure does beat being a female version of Bob Dylan or the like (appologies to any Dylan fans out there)