Well, i failed my 2 week "panic free" goal with probably the worst panic attack yet. Wound up waking up screaming from night terrors (Josh says this occured @ least several times). ( this is despite shit loads of whiskey) My fear of airplanes crashing in our neighborhood has increased to the point that evrytime I hear one, I get anxious and start silently beg for it to go away while watching it from th window (bcuz of nightmares that an airplane got out of control, crashed and exploded in our niehgborhood) Now Josh is saying I need to go bac to therapy, something I REALLY DO NOT want to do. 1) Therapists have a bad habit of bringing up your inner demons 2) Usually at Avalon Center, the best you can get is 1 appt. per month (assuming the therapist shows up for the appt. Some of the therapists I went to cancelled out on me half the time) and 3) I don't know exactly how helpful talk therapy is going to be for someone having night terrors ( from what some of the people said is basically there is nothing the therapist can do) 4) How do i know the therapist isn't going to misinterpret my "anxiety problem" as being "paranoid delusions" and try to have me committed to a ward? Needless to say, I am not feeling good. Still feel amped up despite 3 valerian root pills and a melatonin mixed in. It took me forever to get to sleep last night. Lost count of how many times I checked the doors for fear they weren't locked. I feel so Damn low right now. Keep hoping Josh will change his mind about the talk therapy thing, but I don't think I'm going to get out of it this time. Chances are, I'll be taking a double dose of Valerian root capsules before I go in so I'll be going in with a "cool head." For now, we're going to sleep on it.(mostly bcuz of a black eye I got from a robber. The guy almost made off with my purse [not realizing of course his effort was futile as by then i was broke.] and punched me when I fought back before the neighbors called the police. He ran off and is still being looked for.) I don't need a therapist thinking Josh did it and calling the cops on him bcuz he is innocent. Anyway, thats whats been going on with me for the past 2 days. My eye is throbbing again, I'm completely out of whiskey. I don't even have any Nyquil left. (When the whiskey ran out, I started using Nyquil as substitute pain meds until that ran out. Now it's just ice packs and insane amounts of ibuprofen) To top it off, tomorrow I have to go to school with this damn thing. (have no choice. i missed 2 days as it is) Wish me luck with that.