Please when you find out let me know ....because my husband has become such a pessimist .....and everything is awful and he is depressed (yes he is on antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds), but I know for him not being able to be a MAN has a lot to do with it.....so do you think it is the same for us women? Is it hard for us to handle not being able to take care of things and make everything better? As for myself I am on that rollercoaster some days are up (good) and some days drop as fast as the rollercoaster ....and some days it gets stuck at the low part before it makes that climb again. Having any type of disease like we do or any other illness will wreak havoc on us not just physically but emotionally and mentally as well. I think Robbin what you are doing is great..talking it out with the therapist. But maybe we need to do more such as volunteering...helping others....I wonder if just hanging and helping people ...like in a hospital or nursing home etc. would help with our psyche...someone that we can help instead of us being the one looking for help. It is a thought.....I hope you find the wisdom.....and not step in it :) Hugs!

Diane

ive had this for 4 years now and they have been tough ones plus im bipolar and have been suffering with depression for 6years now when this disease came along it increased the depression I would go to bed every night and ask god to take me home and I would up every morning writhing in pain and crying because god said no again but since I quit taking my drugs from the shrink and started watching my grandson full time ive come out of my depression and am enjoying things again I wish I knew the secret cause real depression is worse than cancer at least cancer will kill u eventually depression is much like this disease it leaves u here to suffer depression and this disease go hand in hand I went to a therapist and told her I was on a feeding tube 16 hours a day and in constant pain and I was depressed she said hell anyone would be depressed with that life im like great advice they fucking pay u for that well I hope u find your way out I seem to be out for now and its great im still doing real bad on the CP side and im taking it a lot better attiude is everything ill pray for u good luck

Hi Nib. Sorry. I have nothing to offer. I'm watching other posts hoping someone has the answer. I have never been diagnosed with depression but I'm pretty sure I'm in the thick of it. I won't seek help for it because it's what Men do. Every depression calculator online that I put my symptoms into tells me that I need help. I live in a house with 3 women and they are all on anti-depressants and are driving me crazy. I am seriously hating life.

This stinking disease is my punishment for doing something bad. I don't know what I did but I must have done something to deserve this. I have always tried to be a good person. I have been a volunteer firefighter, Emergency Medical Technician, ambulance driver and emergency management coordinator for over 30 years. I am the guy who stops to help at every accident and helps if your car needs a jump or if you are broke down on the side of the road. I volunteer at the Y installing cameras and audio gear. I really must have pissed off God somehow. DC59, I know what you mean about hoping you won't wake up in the morning. I wish that often and I hope it happens for me soon. If I lose my job, my wife will get nothing when I die. My only life insurance is with my job as I am uninsurable except for the group life policy from my employer. I'm worth more dead than alive. I have been missing a lot of time from being in the hospital 14 days since June. They don't care why I'm not at work, they just care that I'm not there. They are now looking for a reason to get rid of me. I will lose everything if I lose my job. It is very hard to have a positive attitude and be happy all day when the pain is so bad that I wish I would die and get it over with.

As far as climbing the mountain, It feels like I'm at the base of the mountain digging a hole. Hmmm... It seems as though I may be having a bad day. Sorry for venting all over you guys... I'm just at the point where I wish it would end one way or another. I don't have the stones to do it myself. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day? I guess we will find out tomorrow. God Bless all of you. Maybe things will get better somehow...

Hi Nib,

I don't know if I have any words of wisdom, but I know how you feel and what I do when I feel that way because it happens to all of us. For me, my garden is my place of refuge and when the pain, and sickness and all of the stress of dealing with the effects of the illness become too much I walk or sit in my garden and pray/meditate. I find weeding to be very Zen for me. The other thing that really helps me when I'm in bad shape is my dog, just seeing her smiling face and how happy she is now. We got her as a rescue, she had 5 homes in her first year of life, and she's been with us for 2 years. I could never leave her, she's one of the reasons I try to get thru this sh*t. I know you have a dog and love them from some of your other posts. I have to believe everyone has something that can help them get thru this, you have to find what works for you.

Your posts have touched me and I hope you find some peace.

Take care,
GG

I am like you GG my garden and my backyard is my "zen" place for me as well. I created it before I got sick...maybe something I didn't know back then hmm? And I also have 2 yorkies that keep me going..if it wasn't for them I would be in hiding more. Also my one yorkie has genetic pancreatitis and high lipids like me...but he is also diabetic so I have to give him insulin twice a day. I am not diabetic yet...but they say it is a matter of time. And I think Nibs GG is right you need to create your own Zen place for yourself...where you can go to when you are stressed and not feeling well...(besides your bed). You know I am always here for you as well as I am sure all the others of our lil family here.
@largefrog your post touched my heart....I too have thought what did I do in this life that made me have this...I went back to school at age 40 to become a nurse after my father had died and then I get to do icu nursing for a few years and then I went to hospice nursing for another couple and then March 2011 I am officially disabled! It sucks I finally had a job I loved! Depression is a big part of any chronic disease.....I am on anti depressants as well.....I had to. Largefrog, you need to get help ...part of the problem is the depression....maybe if you have that on board the pain would not be so bad or life wouldn't look so bad. Yes I am making half my salary.....but no one is worth more dead then alive no matter what amount of money! You may need to be on disability for awhile and get your health in order....it may take a couple years but you may then be able to return to work. I still have that hope.....even if it would be part time. But first you need the help for the depression or you will never get anywhere but down...the reason your family is driving you crazy is because of the depression....and I know you want help hon cause you are taking the tests for it! If you need someone to talk to in private I am available message me anytime....I am not sure if you explained how you started with this dreadful disease...but I would like to know if you would like to share. I want to help....and that goes for anyone here!

Diane

I spend a lot of time in prayer. I know that God and only God can get me through this. I have read peoples problems and I pray for them daily. I do not know all the names but I pray anyway God knows your name and you just have to offer up your pain and depression to him. Just think there is no pain that he did not feel when they tore his body to pieces when he hung on that cross. don't mean to be down on people up my advice is to look up and if eating peaches helps do it. I love popcorn so I do try to eat it.... lol

The unknown is no doubt the most difficult aspect to deal with, especially with this disease. I'm convinced they don't know as much about the pancreas and digestive system as they would like you to think they know. I ride the same rollercoaster Diane talked about and it usually starts as I lay my head to try to go to sleep. My therapist seems to think I'm an idiot and making mountains out of mole hills. That's the big problem with non chronic pain-sufferers, no matter how hard they try or how much they think they "get it", they don't. Until you spend at least a week with constant chronic pain, you have not a clue. I continue to work on developing a system that allows me to focus on the issue in front of me and make the decisions that I'm ready to make. Once I make those decisions, I do my best to not second-guess that decision and move on to the next one. I find if I'm going back repeatedly to re-contemplate a decision already made, I'm unable to focus on the next decision. If this sounds familiar, determine why you are re-contemplating a previous decision and if the reason is valid do what needs to be done to eliminate the doubt. If you deem the reason for re-contemplation to be invalid, finalize the decision and push on to the next. Sometimes I have to have a conversation with myself as the boss and insist the decision is made and stop wasting time in re-contemplation. Don't try to make a decision about something until it is really time to make that decision. Much of the things we worry about never come to fruition. It's not always easy and mine is still an ongoing battle but I have gotten better at it and I hope that instills hope for you. Best of luck.

Hand in there:
God grant us the Serenity to accept the the things we cannot change
The courage to change the things we can
And Wisdom to know the Difference
Amen.

I too would like to know. It seems that lately I just cant catch a break with anything. First of all my illness just keeps getting worse, everyday I'm in more pain and that just makes you feel hopeless. I got put on Buspirone, which is being used for anxiety and depression, I have developed both of these in the last year or so and Ive never had a problem before. So on top of just being in pain and sick all of the time, my grandfather, who I was very very close to passed away at the end of June, then I had money problems, and still do, then I got sick the beginning of July and ended up being in the hospital for three weeks. Now ive gone back to work, and am still stressing about money and today I got in a car accident :(. Luckily I didnt get hurt and theres little damage to my car, but I just feel I cant catch a damn break. I feel you on this one.