I try to hide it too. Sounds like you are better at it than me. I feel so guilty for feeling like this. My husband is great, but I feel like I just out so much on him. It's like it's one thing after another. He has been sick recently and doesn't even mention it. Just feel so inadequate.

Anyway, I hate that you have so much pain everyday. Mine isn't everyday, but it seems like a lot. It sounds like your doctors want to help with controlling the pain. I always feel like a junkie looking for pills whenever I talk about my pain. I just think I have had really bad experiences at the hospital with nurses being so accusing.

I wish you would feel better. You seem very brave to me. Hopefully you will find some way to lessen your pain.

God bless,
Hollow

Hugs...having been a nurse I wait too long to take my pain med if at all. It has come to the point that my drs are even telling me to take the pain med! I dont like the label we get "narcotic addict" when i go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds...they give you that look...I hate it! I seem to be able to handle pain well...hence my er visits when am in 20+ pain and it takes them 3 hours to give me pain med.....most people would have been crying or screaming out...but i quietly rock and stay in fetal position and whisper "please" over and over again...like a meditation "ohmmm". It helps me get thru it.

Hey, Ta for replies!

I think over the past years I've built up my tolerance in some ways. Like if I felt seven years ago like I do now, I'd be thinking I was dying and going to the ER. I totally agree about some of the docs and nurses giving you the LOOK and even a lecture about abusing drugs. I'm lucky to have found a GP and specialist who understand me (I also delay taking drugs - not good) and how painful this is.

In fact, my GP said I was the only person she ever had to talk into disability and taking more meds! But I'm on a HUGE amount now. Like 45mg Oxycodone every 4 hours and 175mcg Fentanyl every 3 days. It helped a little at first but now I"m back to hurting - bad.

I feel so self conscious at the ER. I'm like you Diane, just rocking, puking and hoping. I also whisper but maybe that's because I've had almost no voice for the past few years. Guess my GERD is scarring up my larynx.

So, I FORCE myself to take the meds (per GP orders). And now I'm FORCING myself to go into the nasty, dreaded hospital and maybe spent Xmas there. How do people deal with this? I feel like crying but I don't really cry much.

I'm scared and feel like a loser. Like if I had a stronger mind, I could overcome this. I know that's now true in my head, but not my heart.

My GP and therapist made me PROMISE to tell my specialist how awful I feel (like a 9 right now) and try to show more of what I'm feeling.

Maybe I should drop on the floor and convulse? Heehee. Icky germs. No. What about crying (I could do that now) and looking pitiful? That's probably as much as I can do. Any suggestions on communicating the pain?

Nibs it is sad when the health professionals at the hospital dont observe the pain you are in and take care of it. When I was a nurse the first thing I would take care of if nothing else was immergent at the time was Pain! I would look for the clues, grimacing, furrowed brows, moaning etc...and if they didnt ask me about pain meds I would ask them! Thats unheard of when i go into the hospital except the icu since i know the girls there from working with them. I would get in some arguments with drs regarding giving pain med...but i was the pain in the ass nurse that wouldnt step down.
I remember the ones that did abuse the pain meds as well...but if they told me they were in pain i would give their pain med if due....even if they didnt appear to be in pain cuz people do hide it as well, so i cant judge...i have to accept that what they tell me is the truth and that i follow the protocol or guidelines.
But people who know me know that i have a hrad time accepting i am sick and disabled and i think thats why i have a hard time taking the pain meds as well...i always think hmmm maybe it will pass soon. I am on Oxycodone 15mg 4x a day, but only take it twice. I also have a duragesic patch that i wont wear still sitting in my drawer.
As to crying I sometimes am able to cry and sometimes I wish i could cry.....i hibernate when i am not feeling well or having a hard time with it.

Are you interested in trying any type of alternative or natural medicine?

Ah, Diane, it's like you're my sister at heart! You are SO like me. I also turn into a hermit. The more pain, the less I communicate. My husband often uses that a scale. If I barely talk, I'm dying.

Why do we do this to ourselves? It's crazy to think we're somehow 'better' because we don't use medication. Like we get a gold star if we suffer without help. I don't understand it myself, really.

Rationally, I KNOW I hurt bad. But emotionally, I just can't put myself in that victim/patient category. Why? Are people who are in that category somehow less? I don't think so. Just that I"m less.

We certainly make it hard on ourselves. So I'll be the rational part of you... use the patch! And you can be my rational side! We'll be partners, aye? Haha

RE: Natural remedies. I've tried many over the years and am open to trying more. I just have to check with my doctor! I'm paranoid of making things worse, despite my evil plan to annoy my pancreas for tomorrow's visit! Ta.

My opinion is that conventional medicine has a poor understanding of how to effectively treat pancreatitis and often ends up worsening the condition through invasive procedures and the introduction of foreign objects and radioactive substances into the body. I dont think theres enough focus on decreasing inflammation (which is the cause of the pain.) My strategy is to do everything I can to decrease inflammation through dietary changes, supplements, rest, weight loss, and stress reduction. Im eating a low-fat whole foods diet with no pork or beef. Chicken breasts, wild-caught fresh or frozen fish with no additives (mostly salmon,) and home-cooked dried beans are my core protein items. I also eat a lot of mostly organic fruits and vegetables, including potatoes and yams, and small amounts of whole grains and natural cheese. I take Curcumin and vitamin e. So far this has been working well for me. Im steadily improving.

I hope things get better for you soon with whatever treatment strategy you decide to go with.

Ta. I have tried some of those, when we have the money. We are so darn broke right now it's terrifying. We rolled coins for our Thanksgiving turkey (we had like $36!) but can't afford a tree or any gifts for anyone. It sucks. We're struggling just to get enough money for our weekly groceries. And now another hospital visit looms. Wish there was a way to tap into the billionaires and ask them for help! They wouldn't even notice what would keep us fed. But that's the USA for you, right? Haha.

Ta for the tips and I'll probably pick your brain more once this crisis is over, if that's ok! Happy Holidays, Nibs

Sorry to hear things are so tough for you right now. I hope they get better soon. Yes, definitely feel free to ask me questions in the future if you'd like. I wish you the best.

Hugs my sister in pain.....Im sorry to hear about your money troubles i can empathize, we had to declare bankruptcy our income had been cut by 50%. Thank gawd we dont eat much but what we do at cost more cuz it has to be better food cant use anything that is packaged. I have a back up supply of baby food on my bad days.
I am here for you....im me too if you like....
Diane
P.S. take your pain med please:)

Wesley at six hides his pain. He refuses to tell the doctors or nurses when he hurts. I can tell because he gets all white in the face, really dark under the eyes, and mean as all get out. Then I call the nurses in and tell them I don't care what he says I have been dealing with this for the last two hours please give him meds and they look at me like I'm a Munchausen mom or something. Then ten minutes after pain meds my child returns. Sweet, loving, rambunctious little dude he is. It drives me batty. I beg him to just let them know when he has pain.

wow diane you just described how i am in the hospital/er....i curl all up and rock myself, and i count 1 2 3 4.....over n over mixed in with prayers....and then the pain meds get put into my iv and soon i'm feeling alot more relaxed....nibs, i am so very sorry for what you are going through....i think of my pain situation like this, if i take the pain meds at home i could cut my chances of having to go to the er....praying for ya hun

i dont i take a river of dilaudud u r hurting yourself when u ignore it i been in hosp 6 times this year just got out of a 14 day stay when u r in that much pain your pancrease is inflamed u need to be fasted down to let it relax i understand the constant the constance pain but only us that have can

Have you ever had a celica plexus block? They work great. Also what type of foods/ drinks do you have? Did you eat turkey for Thanksgiving?